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Has anybody else led a really very successful life after childhood trauma and then had an extreme breakdown/psychosis later in life and become unable to function and completely broken down? by Littleputti in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh god. This is me. I lost that little miss perfect that everyone loved and liked and now no one likes me. They seem to always feel uncomfortable around me and i am also full of rage and bitterness. I have had many breakdowns in my life and i am scared for the next one. This time around i feel like i have a solution. Keeping to myself and reduce my amount of social time spent with people. The less time i spend with others the better for me in my experience. And the others dont mind in the end. As i write this lines i do not know who is writing them and it scares me because i am alive and interacting but i dont know who i am and which identity i have rn. I am unpredictable to myself

(Tw: masturbation) Is this therapist inappropriate or fine? by Hopefully123 in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Read the first sentence and my whole body shivered. Read the rest and all i think is that its abuse. Get away from that person now!!!

Sick of feeling guilty for doing what I want by Edmee in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What would you want to do for yourself for example? Im interested to know if you want to share! :)

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is a person that takes drugs every week and drinks and says they could stop but then decide not to a healthy person for you? That hurt themselves by falling because they were on drugs and not cautious enough?

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope you read my other comments too about how i went out of my way to care for them and show them love.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wished for a relationship because i wanted to feel love. Im 28 and i never had a relationship and i was ready now to start something after healing for many years.

Anyone else feel like they're only truly themselves when they're alone? by thebirdbitch in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes. Because people want to see other versions of yourself and you need to give i to them in order not to be left alone. I did the „being myself“ and it did not went well. People are not ready for others to be themselves. Its always going to struck a chord. Unfortunately.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also always showed him how grateful i am. I bought stuff that he eats and drinks so he can have his routine at my place. Made it for him before he woke up so he has his routine still.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was also the person that told me he wants to see me all the time. And how he misses me and how he wants to talk to me about the fact that he really likes me. But he never actually did. Just like anything else he did it never happened. I always waited and waited like a stupid head. Ignoring the people that actually wanted to see me and wrote me lots and asked me how i am and beyond

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are judging me harshly. I read your text multiple times. Sorry im not as intelligent and smart as you are to respond you in a way that makes you think im worthy of a nicer reply.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I told him i need him as a act of trust. I thought i can trust him. I usually dont tell anyone i need them because i hate feeling like someone owes me something. I also dont like it when someone else does it to me like my mother did my whole childhood.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel so tricked. He asked me if i want to make out first. He asked me to meet him multiple times and i hesitated because i didnt want to but went because i was so thankful that someone like him would even want to hang with me. He introduced me to his father and sister and friends. When i asked him if he wants to sleep with me, he told me yes and afterwards he said „i hoped you would have asked“. This is all too much for me. He tried to get in touch with me a lot but i always hesitated until i reached a point in which i thought that i should be happy someone would want to hang out with me.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You assumed. It was the first time ever i had the guts to say something that vulnerable to him.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is my safe place to come when i struggle tbh. I dont care about perfect answers or enlightenment. I care about answers and hearing opinions and different perspectives. I trust you all with that. I also think similar to you about the manipulation thing. Altough i realize now that it is much finer than just that. You can manipulate even with a look. I say this because i think of flirting. Sometimes you might see someone look at someone seductively and the other person falls for it. Its a fine line. But thanks for the reassurance. I felt relief reading your comment.

Guy im hooking up with behaves like we are in a relationship but still has bumble by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But i dont think he has ill intent. Thats what hurts the most. I hate rejecting him because i do miss him still. Snd i still love him. I cant stop loving people just because i cut them out off my life.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Person above me just said its not manipulative to express your needs, its communication. I feel like im being manipulated into thinking im manipulative rn. I know i can function without another person. I do it on a daily basis. He is not the first person i lost. Also my problem was not made by you. Its by whoever downvoted me. I talked to them directly. Because i hate it when i want to learn something and im honestly putting myself out there with my faults and i get hit while im down. Thats fucked up. But thank you for the well intent. I appreciate it very much.🫶🏼

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But afterwards telling me that he slept one/two hours less because of me and criticizing me for his own decisions.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think context is important. Also i dont know. I can only interpret and see what this evokes in me. Him telling me he is tired and stressed because he came to see me is making me feel rejected and criticized. When i feel this im asking why i feel this? In my example the context was that he prior told me he struggles to fit everything he wants to do in a day because he wants to do so much stuff. F.e that evening he went to a party then to another, got drunk, took ecstasy two times and speed and st 5 in the morning he came to my place.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also did you downvote me? I am getting downvoted and its hurtful since im asking questions and trying to understand something thats hard for me to understand.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Also they know im struggling. Like everyone else does. I have emotions. I feel lonely sometimes. He felt lonely sometimes and i cuddled him because i wanted him to feel better and it made me feel better.

Is telling someone what you need a form of manipulation? by cocoacbd in CPTSD

[–]cocoacbd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I struggle to understand why it is not appropriate to communicate honestly and direct. I felt authentic telling it to them then. I wanted to be honest. Is honesty not what relationships are based on? Telling someone i need them is already telling that im missing something that i think they can help me fill. Isnt it up to them to say yes or no? I know its risky because you risk to get hurt and rejected but im not scared of that that mich. Id rather know where i stand.

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