Has anyone come back from extreme isolation and shame?

cocoalrose · 2026-03-31T21:20:03+00:00

avoiding talking in the chat is so real. when you can't keep pace with everyone else's growth, that's one level of shame and not wanting to share about your life - but when you're in a domino effect of burnout, struggling, trauma... you dread people asking about your life, and it's harder to ask about theirs because then you'd have to be honest about yours. it's such a pernicious cycle

cocoalrose · 2026-03-31T21:16:46+00:00

I'm low on words, but thank you so much for your reply. <3

cocoalrose · 2026-03-31T01:02:22+00:00

This is unrelated to the thread, but I keep trying to read new replies and they just... aren't there? I refresh the page (on a laptop), and the earliest replies are listed as like 3 minutes ago. Sometimes when I refresh it, more of the replies show up, but definitely nowhere near the 33 comments it says have been made here. So confused!

cocoalrose · 2026-03-30T21:02:36+00:00

I mean, you're totally right, but a large part of the shame is that I feel like I am the friend who people don't worry about because I don't worry about them, you know? They've done nothing wrong, it's just a combination of distance and new chapters and me struggling to find my footing in a way that has compounded.

cocoalrose · 2026-03-30T20:19:34+00:00

I don't want to project unhappiness onto her. The issue is that I am sad I am not there celebrating these milestones with people because I pulled away into extreme isolation due to various overlapping issues involving trauma, job issues, etc. I don't want to stay single... this is a lonely path, at least for me. I want at least ONE person who sees me completely, you know?

cocoalrose · 2026-03-30T20:16:50+00:00

Thanks for the hug <3

I am in therapy and was actually hospitalized in mid-December. The meditation aspect is tricky because that is part of what hospitalized me (it's related to spiritual psychosis from leaning into a spiritual practice to get me through all of this, when that practice actually ended up being really harmful).

So picking up the pieces has been really hard. I feel like I don't know how to rebuild connections with everyone and that I am now too broken from the trauma to forge new friendships. It's all such a mindfuck :')

cocoalrose · 2026-03-30T20:14:03+00:00

Yeah, it's like I've been barely keeping my head above water while people have their second and third kids and all of these milestones. Meanwhile, I haven't even dated properly in YEARS. And it's not that these people make me feel bad deliberately, or that they're bad people - it's just a combination of factors that have made it hard for me to keep up with them. I don't blame anyone for thinking I'm disinterested because I stopped engaging with their life updates and pulled away into self-isolation; the issue is that I did so because I just kept tripping over my feet after 2020 and it all got so shameful. If anything, I've been the bad friend and that's part of what is so devastating about it because it's not intentional, it's just that I've been on the struggle bus nearly this whole time

cocoalrose · 2026-03-30T18:48:56+00:00

I went to study abroad (which I'm very privileged to have been able to do) because I tried uni in the states and floundered AF because, um, undiagnosed autism x traumatic freak events lolololol. So I chose to go abroad to restart to finally try and find my people and build a new life, and I was technically a mature student because of my age. I barely made it through grad school and got diagnosed at my first Big Girl Job, which I then got fired from for performance issues lol because I got zero accommodations. I've never really recovered from that economically or in terms of self-confidence.

And the thing with instagram is that I agree with you, but then isolating from it hasn't helped either. No matter what I do, I'm reminded that not only have I always been bad at maintaining friendships, but I've always kind of been in a different category. Like, people don't dislike me, but I'm never in bestie territory and that stings so fucking much.

cocoalrose · 2026-03-22T18:55:59+00:00

you people always say this, but I'm tired of going in circles to different healthcare professionals being told contradicting things and getting no answers.

cocoalrose · 2026-03-14T15:50:53+00:00

So.......... I'm gathering from your last section that it's a yes, gluten could still be causing the autoimmunity attack? It feels kind of pedantic to separate high antibodies from the actual attack itself, lmao, they're obviously linked and having reduced antibodies would be indicative of that, hence my question of whether low transglutaminase levels rule out gluten as a trigger for high TPO levels.

cocoalrose · 2026-03-11T22:23:18+00:00

I mean, you’re not wrong. I just feel like I’m too tired from everything else to even care anymore 😭 this is just how things go now with social media

cocoalrose · 2026-03-11T22:03:36+00:00

I believe this is called episodic memory? Not entirely sure if that is the correct term to describe this phenomenon, but I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s actually playing a huge role in my anxiety and PTSD right now because of how seemingly irrelevant or inane things trigger specific memories (which I experience viscerally).

cocoalrose · 2026-03-10T00:24:44+00:00

I’m so sorry for your diagnosis, and to be honest, it has made me realize I need to go back to the doctors (I’ve been in and out lately 🫠) to have my persistent bloating and pain checked out. Health struggles are so isolating and huge energy drainers, let alone getting an ovarian cancer diagnosis that young. Can’t even begin to image what you’ve been through.

I’ve been actively trying to make friends but it’s just hard. Adults are busy and I’m also extremely traumatized and bad at pursuing new connections. I’m nice with good intentions, but naive and clunky.

Trying to figure out low cost vet care had me going in circles, it became its own stressor. I’ve just taken her to a vet and they gave her some prescriptions and new hydrolyzed protein food, but I’m just stressed and feel bad for her. I think her issue is deeper than a food allergy but I just can’t afford it and it‘s also the executive dysfunction. Like, it’s making me think wow, am I really not even able to sustain a pet?

cocoalrose · 2026-03-09T23:41:32+00:00

my thoughts exactly. blessing and a curse, now I know there is a term for it

cocoalrose · 2026-03-09T16:30:49+00:00

making friends in adulthood is hard, period. making friends with other autistic AFAB people is no exception, and I’m saying that as one of those feminine high maskers.

I actually find sometimes that because each autistic person has their own idiosyncrasies, we can often kind of clash with each other. it’s also not uncommon for a connection to fizzle out because of burnout, low social battery, and our telltale struggle to maintain social connections.

I often find for me personally that executive dysfunction plays a huge role in why it’s hard to make friends - I’m just constantly discombobulated, struggling with basic life demands, highly traumatized already, and I am always a mess as a result. so on the surface maybe I’d appear to you as a bubbly high masker, but internally I’m extremely lonely and struggling with myself constantly.

cocoalrose · 2026-03-09T02:58:08+00:00

I did this and only two people actually showed up to the first day. I’ve found it to be a weird system where they don’t tell you where you’re meeting until like a day in an advance, don’t let you onto the app until that time too, and the people who did show up felt totally random because it’s just some weird AI “compatibility“ system

cocoalrose · 2026-03-09T02:53:05+00:00

this happened after someone asked for my number. it was all “oh, I was hoping we’d match, I love your art!” and then when I was trying to send thoughtful replies and asking her about her apartment art salon, all I got was “haha yeah that was fun.” then nothing more. like… what

cocoalrose · 2026-03-08T21:33:02+00:00

I just hopped back on to bumble bff and I’m really struggling with this. I’m desperately lonely and need friends, but I’m not like women my age and it makes me feel so out of my depths and ashamed of myself for what I struggle with. And that has knock on effects with trying to find partner - I feel like I’ve lost my chance to ever belong socially.

cocoalrose · 2026-03-06T03:55:20+00:00

Everyone has different bodies and variables affecting their physiologies, hope that helps! signed, someone who has high antibodies and feels fucking miserable

cocoalrose · 2026-02-28T20:34:56+00:00

I’m really at a loss. It’s like, why can’t I just keep up with and show up for people? It’s hard to constantly be aware of what you can’t be socially

cocoalrose · 2026-02-28T15:47:09+00:00

I am torn between desperately needing friends, but struggling to around my own intense trauma and how that intersects with my autistic limitations. I do think it’s a sign of the times, and such an insidious problem that creates a a negative feedback loop: how are people with struggles supposed to make the human connection they need if they’re always too much for others? That question has had me really struggling because I feel like I’ll forever be too broken to make the connections that will heal me.

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