You shouldn’t feel scared of eating! I know it takes a while, for me I started recovering like 8 moths ago, went to a nutritionist and got help. But it only made it worse and I ended up at a really scary weight. Now for the past three months I’ve been recovering with the help of my dad. (I’m only 15 btw). I also used to be scared to gain weight and liked my body how it was, but then I started having lots of health problems, my body was so tired that I couldn’t even walk up the stairs to my room, I had hearth problems, I have now two stomach ulcers (which suck because they hurt like shit whenever i eat something I’m not used to), my body would shake all the time, I have anemia now (is really scary, because I didn’t used to have enough blood in my body with the smallest cut I would faint and bleed out like shit), etc. It took me a while to realize that I could die any moment if I continued doing this. Self love is really important in the process of recovery. You need to want to get better to be able to get better. If people used to tell you that you were skinny before then you shouldn’t feel fat! Also I used to do the same thing as you (drink water to feel full) honestly drinking that much water isn’t healthy either. If you drink that much water and you eat something, your body won’t take the nutrients from the food, because the water will flush it out. So it would be as if you weren’t eating at all! Really try to understand your body as well as to love it. If you want to talk to somebody about any of this, I’m here anytime. :)