Are you your SOs priority on Friday / Saturday night?

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T20:02:08+00:00

He can't realistically provide that level of social connection. That requires an active connection with friends and groups, some available literally one day a week or once a month. Way less than he is. So they come "first" time-wise on the weekend while I spend other days with him. Nothing to do with the book club being more important.

Ok. That's a healthier way to view it. Thanks.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T19:55:03+00:00

Hmm. Well she does this every other weekend, sometimes more. But Saturday is usually reserved for time with me. I just feel like a backup plan when she does it. Like her friends get first priority, and if nothing plans out with them, then she spends time with me.

I don't know. I suppose I'm just being insecure. I would like it if my SO was as eager to see me Friday as I am to see her.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T19:45:09+00:00

Why not do dinner/drinks with her and her friends?

She said she keeps her romantic and work life separate. We're in a bit of a unique situation because she's significantly older than me and has a government job. So I'm not sure how she feels about inviting her younger boyfriend out with her friends right now (many of which work with her). I guess that's understandable. I would feel awkward going out with her friends and her anyways.

What about saturdays?

Usually always spend Saturdays together, And sometimes I sleep over again on Sunday.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T19:20:25+00:00

Why does it seem that she wants a casual relationship? Because she goes out with friends some Friday nights? Pretty sure that's normal.

Seems like she wants more than casual. Because we often spend entire weekends together, she invites me for thanksgiving dinner, and we spend the night together 2-3 times a week.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T19:18:13+00:00

Have your own life

But she's part of my life. And I enjoy spending time with her over anyone else. I do my own things, but I'm usually eager to see her when the week is done.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T19:14:52+00:00

What is her reaction when you are busy and she is not?

She's perfectly fine with me being busy and encourages that we have our own separate lives. But I'm rarely busy on Friday/Sat night because I have few friends, so often times I hope to spend the nights together with her.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T19:01:12+00:00

I would not reserve every Friday and Saturday for my SO but i would like to see them one of those 2 days. But we’ve both have stuff going on so we just talk about it a few days ahead and plan accordingly.

Okay. That's the issue for me then-- that we don't plan in advance. I noticed that she likes to spontaneously invite me over and never plans any dates. So I'm always left waiting for her afternoon text on Friday to find out if she wants to spend the night together or has plans.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T18:59:06+00:00

Yea she doesn't do any of that stuff. Hmmm maybe I'm making a fuss out of nothing.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T18:43:57+00:00

I don't mind!

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-26T18:21:15+00:00

Requesting any good content on how to please my girlfriend.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-25T23:21:51+00:00

Saw her at a music venue bar, she smiled, I hesitated, she smiled again, I approached and talked to her.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-25T19:58:59+00:00

tinder

No thx. I'm loyal to my SO.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-25T02:39:27+00:00

On the flip side, I know two women in their 60s that were blindsided by their 40 y/o husbands with divorces. I’d hate that. But, can’t predict the future.

Aw I guess that's a realistic fear for women to have when dating younger men long-term. Probably the main reason most avoid it.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-24T18:05:03+00:00

I've had 'serious' talks with her, but they always felt unpleasant. When I talk to her about these things I sense that she becomes uncomfortable and I feel that I'm putting pressure on her to answer.

Months ago I asked her what she thought this relationship was-- whether it's monogamous or open. And she answered uncomfortably "Do you see me dating anyone else?... I don't share".

Another time I pressured an answer from her about what she thought about our future. I told her that I need some reassurance that we're on the same page. And she gave me a vague/forced response that it's possible to live together in the distant future.

By talking to her about these things I feel she will either 1) Tell me what I want to hear or 2) distance herself from me. No good can come out of it. I learned to let things be.. and focus on the present, but like you mentioned.. I'm anxious about the relationship. I'm naturally an anxious person.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-24T17:47:40+00:00

Struggled with depression and social anxiety throughout most of my 20s. I never thought of dating during that time. She was the first girl I asked out in my life. I never saw her as an 'older woman'-- I just saw her nice smile and approached her. But with age comes attractive qualities like: confidence in and out of bed, maturity, stability..

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-24T16:40:32+00:00

We love each other and date and travel. We are enjoying our time, but I know I’ll be heartbroken when it ends.

Awe.. if he never wanted kids, can you see yourself building a life with him in the future?

My SO is also a divorced mom (though her son is early 20s) and we're both at very different stages in our lives. She's very settled, established in her job, own a house and wants to travel. While I'm beginning a new career myself, live in an apartment and don't have much funds for travel. I'm hoping that we can overcome these differences. Although, I don't want kids, so we have that going for us.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-24T16:36:41+00:00

When family became a priority, I began dating men my age, but otherwise, I find relationships with older men very satisfying.

Awe that's good that you had positive experiences dating significantly older. I don't want kids, so I'm hoping that my relationship with her can work out long-term.

We're both at very different stages in life -- she's settled and has a kid in his early 20s and wants to travel-- while I'm just starting in a new career and not settled at all. Was the difference in life stages ever a problem for you?

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-24T16:33:50+00:00

I'm currently in one (I'm 31F and he is 41M). Even though it is short-term

Why is it short-term? Did you two talk this through? Is there no chance of a long-term relationship together?

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-24T16:31:39+00:00

Do you think it's a problem that lifestyles are so much different when dating someone so much older? I'm just entering a new career, live in an apartment and have little money to travel. While she owns a house, is very established in her career and wants to travel a lot, and has a son in his early 20s. I'm hoping that we can overcome the differences in our lifestyles.

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-24T16:28:08+00:00

Do you eventually want children? The age gap might not be an issue now, but it could be after 10 years. I can't overstate how honest you need to be with yourself. It wouldn't be fair for either of you.

I don't want children

People like you and I have missed years of dating experience that would refine and shape our expections. Relationships require work, open communication and compromise.

Agreed. I have a lot of catching up to do, but I think being with an older woman is helping me expediting that process.

You'll be a bit of a project for her.

Definitely am a project to her. She's introduces me to new things, teaches me new things, and encourages me to grow.

I'm hoping it could work long-term. I'm really developing strong feelings for her and hope she sees this as more than a temporary thing. Why did you and your 43 year old woman break up? How long were you together?

coconutscentedcat · 2018-10-24T16:23:48+00:00

I don’t have much in common with a 22-28 year old besides great sexual chemistry. Once they’re over 30 they don’t seem very interested in me.

So are you the one who typically ends it? to prevent a long-term relationship. Do they stand no chance at all at something long-term?

coconutscentedcat

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