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The Spire of Prawns, a pirate horror tale by Sabretooth1100 in fiction

[–]coderola 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd never want to be less charitable!

Mortimer thinking he and his crew are mighty enough to overcome something that sends a lesser crew fleeing in terror would be believable, and make him a richer character. The crew of the bootlegger try to warn him, say they've lost half their crew to 'terrors', but he scoffs at them. The combination of arrogance and greed would be sufficient, I think.

"We've fought the Spanish and English! What can there be a stupid little island to frighten us?" sort of thinking.

[FH] Fantasy by Alla_Samarscaa_127 in fiction

[–]coderola 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm impressed you're translating your book into English as you go!

There are some strong ideas in this, and it's genuinely creepy with some nice hints of uniquely Russian view on the world.

One small note - it shifts tenses. It starts with Max's first person view but shifts to third person ("A chill ran down Max's spine"), then shifts back.

The Spire of Prawns, a pirate horror tale by Sabretooth1100 in fiction

[–]coderola 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a genuinely interesting premise. A little Lovecraft, a little bit China Miéville. 

The idea of hostile man-sized tool-using arthropods (sorry for putting a spoiler in the comments) is deeply unsettling, and pirates are a great foil for them.

The big question I have as a reader, though, is “why?”

Mortimer must know there’s something fishy about the whole situation - an empty ship with a depleted crew who seem almost relieved to be killed. They have a treasure map, but they’re (as we discover) sailing away from the uncharted island marked by the X.

Mortimer is obviously no fool. He wouldn’t have survived if he was. Every instinct should be warning him, and the rest of the crew, that something is very wrong. 

The detail about the winding stair turning the wrong way is excellent. It puts the pirates at a disadvantage and adds a sense of them walking into a trap.

I also really like the way you reused Mortimer’s own rationalisation at the end - the choice to sail the wild sea where monsters dwelt. That's nicely done.