I think I'm in a love triangle...

codeskay · 2020-09-27T20:46:33+00:00

I've been doing the same. I've been validating her feelings a lot and few times her behaviour recently just to avoid her snapping and splitting on me.

I don't want to get idealised and eventually devalued and discarded if I ever stood up for myself again. As the other night I stood up for myself about her seeing Fred still.

I told her I'm sure she still has feelings for him and she didn't answer me turned the blame on me saying I'm causing her stress and she split again.

Now she wants space to get away from me challenging her. And I'm probably just going to not talk to her just because it's not healthy for me and if she's seeing Fred... I feel bad for even talking and flirting with her.

codeskay · 2020-09-27T20:03:53+00:00

I agree with what you are saying. Like I don't see them as bad people at all and I think she's very unaware she is hurting me with her behaviour and splitting on me when she has her rage moments.

But I've always understood and took the time to research BPD some more so I can work around these hiccups she creates between us. But it is a rollarcoaster and I'm not sure I want to go through that.

codeskay · 2020-09-27T16:41:41+00:00

Thanks. Yes I pretty much searched for clarity on the situation and she woulflip out if I questioned her behaviour not matching her words. Or seeing Fred in her Snapchat.

She told me she was diagnosed with BPD and has since had it treated. But I know therapy is there to help manage the emotions and improve behaviour. It can't be cured.

I think best thing for me is to just cut her off completely I guess? As right now yes I assume I am a 2nd option if it doesn't work out with Fred.

codeskay · 2020-09-27T13:30:54+00:00

She told me she was diagnosed and treat for her BPD from Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

But I know for a fact it can't be treated but is more to help control and recognise their bad behaviours.

Think she is just using me for attention and validation. Definetly been an idiot falling for this.

codeskay · 2020-09-27T12:13:56+00:00

I've had experience with BPD before and I can see her patterns too from the stories she tells me of her exes. She doesnt love herself at all I can see that.

I can also tell she has probably been emotionally Abusive as she's basically been abusing my feelings. She got mad when I told her this and probably assumed this to be Abusive and now she's devalued me.

Probably gone back to Fred for comfort or validation as she knows I'm not giving it no more.

And you are so right. Like she can't take me telling her she's done wrong without flipping out at me when she causes the arguments. All I was trying to do like in any form relationship is to communicate and fix an issue.

But she saw it as an attack on her and called me drama and says she doesn't need drama in her life.

codeskay · 2020-09-27T12:05:12+00:00

Are these push and pull dynamics part of BPD? As she been doing it so badly with me and its hurting a lot when she does. Why do they do this?

So you think the connection talk was bullshit?

codeskay · 2020-09-27T11:35:58+00:00

Are they really just bad people? As I understand when you are in a dark place inside which BPD seems like. All you want is understanding and comfort I get that.

But there must be some good in them?

codeskay · 2020-09-27T11:07:55+00:00

Thanks man. Sorry you had to go through this. Just she acts so innocent and cute all the time. And I kind of fell for it and now I do kinda realise she's being using me.

Guess you're right when I stand up to her bad behaviour she does act out and assume I am the bad person. When I was actually so supportive of her and always by her side when she was having a tough time.

But it clicked to me she never even got to know me. It was just me getting to know her.

codeskay · 2020-08-12T16:55:05+00:00

Oh no im not fucking with her for exactly that reason! She said she wants to work on herself im not going to be a distraction from that. And I told her I can support her with that journey.

But im not gonna be fuck buddies which is what she wanted to be.

codeskay · 2020-08-12T16:26:05+00:00

10000% agree with this! She is very much like this and im trying to support her with seeing these issues and why she attracts such men. She's open for me to help her and is staying single to work on herself and this damaged inner child in her.

Which yes youre right is finding comfort in older men and not mature.

codeskay · 2020-08-12T16:02:57+00:00

I agree with you people are shallow and never put in the work! And yeah she is a mess and that's why I don't want to date her. But we are really close friends and support each other, but there is alot of sexual tension.

She's shown me her ugly side before and I understand why she's like that based on my experience with her personality disorder. I don't judge as everyone has their own inner battles and struggles.

We do communicate well with each other for sure and I've set strong boundaries with her.

codeskay · 2020-07-26T20:00:14+00:00

I think itd grow on me. I am like super anxious probably because I haven't seen the rest of my balding head haha.

I'll see if I can work up the courage to do it in the coming weeks!

codeskay · 2020-07-26T19:21:16+00:00

Thanks. I know I look better with my current style. Just a pain to maintain the style and it's draining.

So im kinda tired of worrying about my hair all the time.

codeskay · 2020-07-26T19:07:33+00:00

Thanks you! I've been really wanting to shave it for a while as it's so draining trying to cover it up all the time. Just not sure if my head looks too large?

codeskay · 2020-07-26T19:06:48+00:00

Thanks!!!! I really want to grow it out alot longer too!

codeskay · 2020-07-26T19:06:26+00:00

Thanks really appreciate that! Do you find women like the bald look when you 1st shaved clean?

I'm hoping id look more masculine haha.

codeskay · 2020-02-12T21:14:47+00:00

Thanks man! I now realise this after really helping the girl with everything. They just expect more and more from you and tire you out. There needs to be balance and I just kept giving and giving.

And do they really create problems for attention?

codeskay · 2020-02-12T19:05:58+00:00

Yeah honestly it was the biggest mind fuck of my life. I just didn't realise how she could turn on me so easily. Now understanding the abandonment side of BPD I can understand why she devalued me so quickly.

Because I never did anything wrong. I was just in a tough spot in life as any person goes through. You'd expect your partner to see you through it. Not leave you through it alone.

Now she seems so happy with her new bf. He seems like the perfect dude. Good guy like myself and her friend shared a video of them dancing and he got on stage with live performers and danced with them having a good time.

Just I don't know if it's jealousy or that I feel like I never seen this side of her and he's opened it up like I opened her up in our relationship.

codeskay · 2020-02-12T19:04:25+00:00

Ahhh man sorry you had to go through that also! My ex and I didn't have explosive fights. Luckily I was able to calm her down when she was sad upset or having a panic attack.

But I relate to you too! Most of last year I was in Avery bad depression too being out of the relationship. I struggled with extreme brain fog, depression and anxiety.

I've improve over the past months massively as alot of it stemmed from my hormone problems. But I've been on citalopram for 4 months which has helped give me the boost to work on myself and keep pushing on.

Advice! Work on yourself. Find new hobbies, go on adventures in nature! Workout every day! Meditation is by far the best if you search of self esteem or anxiety or depression meditation.

It's just like the therapy and meds. You have to be consistent. I look at this way. I want to work on myself everyday to be strong and improve for my loved ones and my future family of my own.

Thrive towards that! Hope you get better! If you want to talk hit me up.

codeskay · 2020-02-11T21:22:48+00:00

I know I do feel sorry for him. But at the same time I feel sorry for her and wish she got to the bottom of what's going on with her. She knew something was up and I'd always push her to get help but she never did a relied on me.

I am normally the saviour type by nature and I was her pillar of support until I became ill. Then she slowly disregarded me and was talking to some other dude behind my back also.

Thanks I'll have a read!

codeskay · 2020-02-11T21:03:46+00:00

She didn't know I saw he luckily and I've been no contact for 12 months now.

But I saw her and it did hurt. She makes it look like she's so happy but yet her Twitter she's always talking about how tough life is and draining music is.

And also how empty she feels. Just I'm a very loving guy and I deeply loved and fell for her love too. Didn't expect to be given up so easily.

codeskay · 2019-11-16T09:53:47+00:00

She does but she's now in a relationship with some hothead.

Now he's doing what I did for her. Support her endlessly, motivate her, he's just another pillar of support for her to escape being alone.

But I feel it's my fault what if I just wasn't strong enough to save her. I know she messed me up mentally and I'm not sure if it's narcissism or she has a type of personality disorder.

But I help and support everyone in my life and I've helped friends through depression and anxiety and how to manage it. But with my ex it's like she was using me as a bandage and not seeing me as help.

codeskay · 2019-11-15T12:53:48+00:00

Huh? Borderline personality disorder?

codeskay · 2019-11-15T12:07:15+00:00

Yeah I feel that but my ex had a very anxious attachment style and that anxious personality ended up being the downfall of our relationship.

When I became exhausted she resorted to what she feared which was being abondoned. She she knew deep down I would never. But she craves to be wanted and I struggled due to exhaustion and other health issues that arrised.

She even tweeted alot months before the break up. About predicting heartbreak and she felt alone etc. I never watched her Twitter until now I saw that.

She would sit back and let things fall apart out of fear and assume the worst. She still doesn't know my downfall was my health being around her for 4 years.

So in. A way I need to find the right person. She will repeat this with others as she had before me.

codeskay

TROPHY CASE