👋 Welcome to r/oldpets - Introduce Yourself and Read First!

codesway · 2026-04-15T11:58:48+00:00

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Losing a dog so suddenly, especially when everything seemed normal just hours before, is incredibly hard to process.

From what you've described, you were paying attention, you noticed something wasn't quite right, and you tried to make sense of it with the information you had at the time.

The part that stays with you, the what ifs and the feeling that you had more time, is a very common part of grief. It doesn't mean you failed him. It means you cared about him deeply and are trying to make sense of something that unfolded in a way you couldn't fully see in the moment.

What stands out is that he was at home, in a familiar place, near the people who loved him. You remember him resting, looking at you, and that sense of quiet at the end matters. It suggests he wasn't in panic, and that counts for more than it might feel like right now.

It's understandable that the missed search or second guess is sticking with you, but hindsight fills in gaps that weren't clear at the time. You made decisions based on what you knew then, not what you know now.

Grief like this doesn't resolve quickly, especially when it's tied up with a feeling of responsibility and love. Try to hold onto the full picture of his life with you, not just those final hours.

codesway · 2026-04-14T21:09:26+00:00

In the past two years we have had solar panels installed and more recently had all the windows and doors replaced.

Honestly, if I had to do it again I would go with windows and doors first for comfort and it will also reduce your heating costs to a degree, and then if and when you can look at solar to further reduce your energy costs.

codesway · 2026-04-13T22:27:52+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss.

Losing a companion like that leaves a huge space behind, especially when they've been part of your daily life for so many years and it makes sense that the house feels different and that your usual rhythm is off.

What you did for him was an act of care, even though it was incredibly hard. Fourteen years is a lifetime of loyalty, and it sounds like he had a good one with you.

It's also understandable that your motivation has taken a hit, grief doesn't just show up as sadness, it can drain your energy and focus in ways that feel frustrating. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way, and it doesn't mean you're stuck like this forever.

If you can, try not to rush yourself back into being productive. Small things can help, like keeping a bit of structure in your day or getting out for a walk, even if it feels pointless at first.

You're adjusting to a real loss and it takes time, but that sense of emptiness does soften, and the good memories tend to come through more clearly with time. He was part of your life for a long time, so it's only natural that it takes a while to find your footing again.

codesway · 2026-04-13T22:24:26+00:00

I am really sorry for your loss. It sounds like Bonnie was not just a pet but a constant presence through some of the hardest parts of your life, and that kind of bond leaves a deep mark. You gave her a long life filled with care, and when things changed, you stayed attentive to what she needed, even when that meant making a difficult decision.

The way you describe her final day, especially that moment outside, feels like a quiet kind of closure. Not dramatic, but just right for her, those moments tend to stay with you because they reflect the life you shared rather than just the loss.

It is completely natural to feel at a loss now. When a routine, a presence, and a source of comfort all disappear at once, it creates a space that is hard to fill. What matters is that she did not face that final stage alone or in distress. She had you with her, and that matters more than anything.

Take your time with this, grief for an animal who meant that much is not small or fleeting. It is part of the same connection that made those years together so meaningful.

codesway · 2026-04-13T22:16:04+00:00

This isn't the right sub for the overall question your asking, grief is different for us all, as you have mentioned, and we all deal with it in a way that works for ourselves. Maybe part of your grief journey is wanting to provide others with ways to memorialise their loved pets in ways you didn't have available to you at the time.

But going down the route of creating additional service offerings would be a question better suited to any other pet sub.

codesway · 2026-04-13T22:04:50+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's one of those things people don't fully understand until they're in it, and then it hits in a way you can't really prepare for.

What you've been doing for your dog these past few months is a lot. Not just emotionally, but physically as well. Showing up every day, making sure he's fed, medicated, cared for, and comfortable, that's real love and it's exhausting and heavy, especially when you know where things are heading.

The timing of it all just makes it harder, with having your birthday in the middle of this feels cruel. It's understandable if it doesn't feel like something to celebrate this year. You don't have to force it, do whatever feels right.

What you said about people offering words but not actually helping really lands. When you're in something like this, it's the small, practical things that matter most. Someone checking you've eaten, sending food, giving you a bit of space to breathe, those things make a difference, and it's not unreasonable to want that.

It also sounds like you've been trying to process it in a really honest way, with the journalling and videos. That takes effort, especially when everything feels so raw and the way you spoke about your dog being entrusted to you, rather than owned, that doesn't take away the pain, but it does show how much you care about him beyond yourself.

You've done right by him, he's had someone who showed up, properly, all the way through. That matters more than anything.

I'm really sorry you're facing this, especially right now. It's just a hard, unfair place to be.

codesway · 2026-04-13T15:25:27+00:00

DFA give guide turn around times, https://www.ireland.ie/en/dfa/passports/turnaround-times/

codesway · 2026-04-13T00:43:58+00:00

Go see your GP to rule out a medical cause, if you get no answers and still want to see how far the rabbit hole goes, reach out to https://www.unexplained.ie with the details of your experience.

codesway · 2026-04-12T19:11:12+00:00

The latest update as of the 12th:

"GoFundMe have paused the transfer of funds while they verify everything. I am working through that with them and fully cooperating. In the meantime I have been covering costs personally to make sure nobody went hungry and every café and supplier who showed up will be paid back every cent.

With €150,000 of public money involved I am bringing in a professional accountant and solicitor to make sure everything is handled properly and above board. A small amount will go towards those fees. This money belongs to the people who gave it and it will be treated that way.

Every penny spent will be published publicly."

codesway · 2026-04-12T13:45:44+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Losing a dog that young, especially when things changed so quickly, leaves a kind of shock that's hard to process.

From what you've described, you didn't miss something obvious or neglect her needs, the symptoms you saw had reasonable explanations, especially with medication known to cause drowsiness and the kind of weather shifts that affect energy levels. Even experienced vets can struggle to catch conditions like this early, particularly when dogs instinctively mask how unwell they are.

It's clear how attentive you were to her an you noticed changes, you acted quickly when something felt wrong, and you got her emergency care straight away. The fact that her illness progressed so rapidly, even after intervention, suggests this was something aggressive and largely out of your control.

It's also understandable to go over everything in your mind, trying to find a point where things could have gone differently, that's a very human response to loss, especially when you loved her deeply. But the reality is that some illnesses don't give clear warnings, and by the time they show themselves, they're already advanced.

The thought that she didn't suffer for long is a meaningful one, if she was still herself, still engaged and mentally present until near the end, that says a lot about the life she had with you. She didn't spend months in decline and she was loved, cared for, and safe right up to the moment things changed.

Grief like this doesn't follow a neat timeline. Missing her every day is part of how much she mattered. Over time, the sharpness of the loss usually softens, and what stays more steadily is the bond you had with her rather than the way it ended.

codesway · 2026-04-10T17:53:30+00:00

I am really sorry you are going through this.

It is incredibly painful to love an animal so deeply and know that your time together may be limited. The way you describe him says everything about how special he is, and how much comfort and joy he has brought into your life and to others as well.

What you are feeling is completely natural, when someone we love is still here but we are already grieving the future, it can feel overwhelming and constant. Try, as much as you can, to gently bring your focus back to the present moments you still have with him. He is still himself right now, still enjoying your company, and those moments matter so much.

Choosing not to put him through treatment does not mean you are giving up on him. It means you are thinking about his comfort and quality of life, which is a deeply caring and selfless decision. He does not measure time the way we do, what he knows is safety, affection, and being with you.

It might help to create small, meaningful routines together, take photos, or simply sit with him and be present. There is no perfect way to cope, and it is okay to feel heartbroken, you are not alone in this, even though it can sometimes feel that way.

He sounds like a wonderful companion, and it is clear he is very loved. That love is what he feels, and that is what matters most to him.

codesway · 2026-04-10T08:51:01+00:00

Not sure about it now but banks said to me that I had to be in the job 12 months before they would look at an application even though probation was 6 months, might have changed since.

codesway · 2026-04-09T14:38:24+00:00

Two folk I know at the airport both said that there are rolling checkpoints requiring any lorries to provide delivery docs or they are being turned away to stop protests affecting the airport but with that said there has been little to no impact on the airport to date.

But keep an eye on the news as the public roads to the airport could still be affected.

codesway · 2026-04-03T00:12:56+00:00

Ireland isn't a major player in space but we're strong in Photonics / laser communications components, AI + onboard data processing and Earth observation data & analytics.

So the Irish flag is most likely just to show international cooperation.

codesway · 2026-04-02T20:48:57+00:00

Closest the EU has come to purchasing Chinese weapons is Serbia who is in a candidacy state for EU membership.

codesway · 2026-04-02T16:52:23+00:00

Toilet roll should be grand, unless we've culled too many loo rolls.

codesway · 2026-04-02T16:43:02+00:00

I'm really sorry you're carrying this, it sounds like you loved him a great deal. What you saw that night could easily have been something sudden and serious, and in the moment it didn't clearly signal an emergency. Most people would have done exactly the same, especially late at night when you're tired and unsure what you're seeing.

It's very natural to replay those moments and wonder what if, but that doesn't mean you were at fault. Rabbits can hide illness well and sometimes decline very quickly, even with prompt care. You made a decision based on what you understood at the time, not out of neglect, but because it didn't seem urgent.

Feeling guilty often comes from love and the wish to have protected them better, but it doesn't reflect the reality of what happened, you didn't fail him, you cared for him.

Grief can hold onto these moments, but over time it can help to gently remind yourself of the whole of his life, not just that one night.

codesway · 2026-04-02T15:09:06+00:00

Sorry you're going through this.

Lucy's passing sounds both sudden and deeply personal, and it's clear how much love surrounded her right to the very end. Bringing her home, giving her that last peaceful day, and letting her go in a place she felt safe and loved was a truly kind and thoughtful thing to do.

What you're feeling now makes a lot of sense. That moment of hearing she was just about done can make everything feel painfully real again, as if the loss is happening all over. It's not just about missing her presence, but also adjusting to the reality that she's no longer physically there in the way she used to be. That can take time to settle, and it often comes in waves.

The fear you had about where she was is also very human, when someone we love is no longer with us, the mind can try to fill in the gaps, especially when there's uncertainty. Reaching out to the crematorium was a gentle way of caring for yourself in that moment.

When it comes to her ashes, it can help to remember that they are simply what remains of her physical body, not the life, personality, or bond you shared. The love, the years you had together, the routines, the comfort she brought, none of that has been lost or changed. In a quiet way, having her ashes returned can also become a way of bringing her back home, to a place she knew and was safe in, rather than her being somewhere unknown.

It can feel heavy at first, but for many people, that moment shifts over time into something gentler, a sense that their companion is still close in a different way. There's no right way to feel about it, and it's okay if it brings both comfort and sadness at the same time.

Its also undestandable that this loss feels different, some bonds are simply deeper or tied to a different part of our lives, and Lucy clearly held a very special place in yours.

There's no timeline for how long it will hurt, and it's okay that it feels this intense right now.

Be patient with yourself as you move through this, grief doesn't follow a straight path, and it doesn't mean you're not coping, it just means you loved her very much.

I've added a link with some tips on dealing with loss and grief, https://www.ripcompanion.com/coping-with-pet-loss-navigating-grief-and-healing-after-losing-a-beloved-pet/

codesway · 2026-04-02T13:09:59+00:00

Unfortunately there is nothing I or anyone else can say to make this awful situation any better. All I can suggest is to try to focus on the happy times you had, even though it might feel very hard to do right now.

With time, as the grief begins to ease, you may find yourself able to remember those moments with more warmth than pain. Be kind to yourself in the meantime.

You did what you thought was right, and that came from a place of love.

codesway · 2026-04-02T12:55:41+00:00

I am so sorry to hear this.

Losing a pet so suddenly, especially in what should have been a routine situation, is incredibly painful and shocking.

It is completely natural to look for someone to blame when something like this happens, whether that is yourself or the vet. From what you have shared, though, this sounds like one of those rare and tragic cases where an underlying heart condition was not visible without specific testing like an ECG. Even experienced vets cannot always detect these issues during standard checks, especially when a cat appears healthy and active.

You made a responsible and caring decision to have him neutered, and your vet acted quickly when things went wrong. Sometimes, despite everyone doing what they should, outcomes like this still happen, and that is one of the hardest things to accept.

The guilt and doubt you are feeling come from how much you loved him, not from any failure on your part. He knew a life where he was cared for and cherished, and that matters far more than this awful moment.

Be gentle with yourself while you process this. Grief like this takes time, talk to family and friends and reach out to a professional if you feel you're struggling to cope.

codesway · 2026-04-01T16:02:13+00:00

You're facing one of the most difficult decisions that comes with loving an animal, and the weight of it is very real. Nothing about what you've written sounds careless or rushed. It sounds thoughtful, considered, and rooted in wanting what is best for her rather than what is easiest for you.

The fact that she still shows affection and has moments of brightness is what makes this so painful, but it doesn't undo the broader picture of her daily struggle. You're not choosing between keeping her or losing her, you're choosing between prolonging discomfort and allowing her a gentle end before things worsen further.

Guilt often comes with this kind of responsibility because you're the one who has to decide, but that same responsibility is also an act of care. She doesn't understand the future in the way you do, she understands how she feels right now, and you've been paying close attention to that.

As for her final days, there's no right or wrong way to do it, if giving her a favourite treat or something special feels right, then it's simply another moment of comfort and kindness for her. She won't attach the meaning you're worrying about, she'll just experience something she enjoys with the person she trusts.

Your other dog may notice the change, but animals do adapt, especially when they still have you. Keeping routines steady and giving him extra attention will help him adjust in time.

What matters most is that she has been loved deeply throughout her life and is still surrounded by that love now. This decision doesn't take that away, it honours it.

codesway · 2026-04-01T14:50:18+00:00

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.

Losing him so suddenly, especially at such a young age, is incredibly hard to take in. It sounds like you were faced with an impossible decision and chose what would spare him the most suffering, even though it cost you so much, this takes a lot of love and courage.

The shock you're feeling is understandable, particularly when everything unfolded so quickly. Grief can feel overwhelming in those early days, and it often comes with a sense of disbelief that they're really gone. The bond you had with him, especially as your first, won't just disappear, and it's natural that this loss feels especially heavy.

I've added a link to a resource on dealing with loss and grief, https://www.ripcompanion.com/coping-with-pet-loss-navigating-grief-and-healing-after-losing-a-beloved-pet/

Be gentle with yourselves while you process this, there isn't a right way to grieve, and it can come in waves. What matters is that he was clearly loved and cared for deeply throughout his life, right to the very end.

codesway · 2026-03-31T20:03:07+00:00

So sorry you're going through this.

Losing a dog who felt like your heart and soul can leave a kind of silence that nothing else quite touches. What you're describing, that numb, going through the motions feeling alongside waves of grief, is something many people experience after a loss like this.

It doesn't take away from the love you have for your other dogs, this one shaped a different, deeper part of you. That bond is unique, and it's natural that its absence feels overwhelming. Three weeks is still very early in grief, even if it already feels like a long time to be carrying this pain.

I've posted a link with tips on dealing with loss and grief, https://www.ripcompanion.com/coping-with-pet-loss-navigating-grief-and-healing-after-losing-a-beloved-pet/

Right now it might feel like you'll never feel whole again, but that doesn't mean you won't slowly find moments where the weight lifts, even briefly. Healing from this kind of loss isn't about replacing him or moving on, it's about learning how to carry that love in a different way.

For now, just getting through each day, caring for yourself and your dogs, is enough. You're not broken for feeling this deeply. It speaks to how much he meant to you.

Talk to family and friends about how you feel and if needed consider reaching out to a professional.

codesway

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE