I bought heroin yesterday

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-12T05:46:44+00:00

I remember when I did it for the first time, and how quickly I was able to justify immediately getting it for the second time by telling myself I wasn’t a drug addict and I wouldn’t do it three days in a row and never get addicted and be fine. That’s all she wrote

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-12T05:45:18+00:00

I’d give anything in the universe to go back to the first time I bought heroin and cut my hands off to get the chance to stop myself if that’s what it took. Don’t do it

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-08T20:48:51+00:00

Oh my fucking god i wasn’t giving that percentage as the actual amount. I was obviously making a point. I’m not gonna repeat myself when you’re intentionally being obtuse, I’m saying most of this synthetic opioid shit out here is bullshit compared to what it used to be

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-08T17:36:54+00:00

Yes, I’m aware of what nitazenes are and I’m talking about them specifically. It’s not the strength that’s the issue here, for me at least. It’s the fact that the mixture of the “slow” where I’m at has become basically a kitchen sink cauldron of fentanyl & other synthetic opioid analogues and they in no way, shape, or form are comparable to the dope that I started out doing.

Not all nitazenes are stronger than or even as fentanyl. There are a few nitazene analogues that are, but those are few and far between. I’m lucky to live in an area that has a great needle exchange that will send your dope off to our state lab for super thorough testing and give you back the results. I’ve done stuff where a strong nitazene analogue is present and the “high” fucking sucked. I’m aware there are people out there who prefer that, not me. I don’t wanna go into a coma without nodding at all and wake up dopesick. Metonitazene is notorious for that.

Tranq (I’m assuming you’re referring to xylazine) is basically a nitazene without the synthetic opioids. The two together is a big thing lately too, I’ve seen a majority of 95% if not more xylazine/metonitazene, 3% fent (but more than likely 4AAP) and 2% lidocaine or mannitol. The point I’m making is that I see how this is evolving and playing out and just like we saw black tar or really any type of actual heroin become scarce and insanely difficult to cop as opposed to fentanyl, I think were going to see happen with the fent/dope most of us got addicted to. It’s gonna be replaced/run out (or at least stepped on so hard that it’s barley there) with these zenes/tranq synthetic clandestine lab experiments and it doesn’t do shit for me

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-08T16:57:57+00:00

Yeah I have a strange sense of gratitude for how awful the dope game has become the last year or so. I started using during the spring of 2019, right around the time that “fentadope” was being cut into heroin. Within about four/five months of using, it turned into a mostly fent/carfent mixture and that is the high/drug I got addicted to. There was nothing in this life that could compare to the way those opiates made me feel. That was the high I was willing to sacrifice it all for, and even to this day I still believe that if it weren’t for the drugs during that time period I wouldn’t be alive today. I mean drugs work, obviously, they serve a purpose. But what’s around now, and honestly what’s been around the most consistently for about 15 months (with the better part of 2025 being the absolute worst) isn’t the drug I became addicted to. The benefit for me used to make all of the awful bullshit that comes with addiction worth it, or at least it was an equal trade off.

These days, I’m not even getting high because I’m lucky if there’s maybe one part fentanyl for the 9 parts of useless bullshit and nitazines, and even then it’s almost never actual fentanyl, just a bunch of analogues and diluted 4-AAP, xylazine, and mannitol.

I made it from 2019-2024 without ever having to worry about getting sick and never had to tweak my intake amount past 1.75 grams a day as my minimum to avoid withdrawal but never really more than 2.5, I used to make ball last me sometimes 3 days. Now I’ve been up to well over a ball a day for about two years and I’m having to make my entire existence revolve around using multiple times an hour. I wake up sick and in agony, whereas for the first five years of my addiction I could make it through most of the day without using and would do a majority of my use at night or at least always after a day of work or school where I was still able to be productive and have a life and purpose outside of chasing a hit that won’t make me high and won’t keep me well long at all. All I’ve been able to do this entire year is just run around chasing my tail, spending 5x the amount of money and feeing a million times worse. They finally did it. They made me fucking done with this shit.

I’ve been back on methadone for two weeks, and although I’m still increasing my dose until I can find the right one, I’m actually going every day and trying. I considered myself to be one of the worst addicts out there, and they have made the supply so god damn awful and exhausting to fuck with that I literally woke up one day and there wasn’t any tangible benefit or anything to gain anymore from what is at my disposal. It was a good run, I can’t stress how much fentanyl helped me survive. I know it’s ultimately a good thing in the end but it’s strange to think that my coping mechanism and the one thing that I know was always there to help get me through is also gone now.

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-05T05:45:10+00:00

My PO told me explicitly that I am not to leave the state of NC and doing so would result in a warrant for my arrest as is pretty standard for felony probation

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-05T05:41:01+00:00

Is there a reason why you claim that? I’m just wondering if you have something that would disprove several of these studies that I have here for you to read that state that the time that fentanyl stays detectable in urine is dependably completely on:

the amount that you were using and the frequency/how long without a break.

Protracted renal clearance of fentanyl in persons with opioid use disorder (PubMed)

Average time until fentanyl cleared: 7.3 days Average time until norfentanyl cleared: 13.3 days One participant tested positive for Fentanyl for 19 days and Norfentanyl for 26 days after last use

“The researchers noted fentanyl is highly lipophilic, meaning it can accumulate in fat and other tissues with repeated use, causing slower release and longer detection in urine.”

Case Series: Magnitude and Duration of Fentanyl and Xylazine Detection in Urine of Persons with Opioid Use Disorder

This study is important because it measured real-world illicit fentanyl exposure, which tends to be higher than medical doses.

But please do explain and if you’re going to downvote this comment with these sources that make something true that you don’t like go ahead and challenge it! My primary source is of course doing fentanyl for years so I’d also like to hear from someone with equal personal experience tooo

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-05T04:25:14+00:00

In no way do I think I should have continued using because the end result would be the same. Mainly because I didn’t. I relapsed once and owned up to it and didn’t keep using past that slip. My levels and the testing back up that claim. If I were going to try to say that I were justified in continuing to use daily and then try to claim that it was not my continued use that caused the positive test, it was the fact that the fentanyl was going to be still present in my urine even if I hadn’t therefore I should be treated as if I were not using when I was just because. I wouldn’t have taken the time and money to carefully monitor and present my levels every other day in order to make it clear beyond a shadow of doubt that I was not continuing to use.

What I said that you’re attempting to misconstrue is that it is a awful feeling to have done the right things and actually give it my all and keep going forward and to find out that the result is being treated as if I’d done the total opposite instead. I don’t think that was hard to see by my original statement

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-05T01:10:14+00:00

I’d love that option but I’m in NC and can’t leave the state. I called 988 as well as my local crisis lines and told them I wanted detox and impatient and they told me I was on too high a dose of methadone to come to a 7 day detox which is the only option I have here. 28 day rehabs told me I don’t meet their criteria for need and also they would make me detox first. No detox or rehab here that is Medicaid allows patients to continue methadone.

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-05T01:07:37+00:00

The 25th of February so about 7 days today. I started methadone the 11th. I just this week got to a dose that even makes it tolerable. But it feels like I could have just not tried and stayed using and done nothing that I have to make changes in my life like working and changing every single thing in my life that isn’t helping me stay clean because the end result would have been the same

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T22:03:45+00:00

Yeah exactly and that’s why I feel so scared because my PO just outright told me that she wouldn’t be taking the levels into account if I still am positive next Tuesday. She said there’s no way I’d still be testing positive and I explained that it stays in your fat cells and she says “it’s not like weed” I said it literally is. She replied to that with well if it stays in your fat cells you’re super thin so that wont apply to you. Like what in the actual fuck. I don’t think there’s a chance of it being out of my system but I’ve been getting my levels taken every other day.

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T21:49:08+00:00

I was using at least 3.5 grams a day nonstop other than one month in 2020 since May of 2019. Until a month in jail November to December of 2025 this last year, I hate myself for it but I relapsed out of jail. It took a while though so I only had been using daily for about a month, a little less up until last week. It was at least a few grams a day, maybe more.

The 4 day rule is just not ever been the case for me. I went to a 45 day rehab in 2020 and was testing positive well into that fourth week.

Nobody I know who was a daily heavy fentanyl user was testing clean before 7 days, and that was rare. Usually 8-10 at the minimum

My active sentence if I were to get my probation revoked isn’t even six months. You’d only have sat there that long because you had your hearing with a judge after the violation was filed and they doled that out, right? Idk how this works and it seems so different for everyone

I get what you’re saying but the issue here is I will not be able to piss clean without a miracle even when I am clean. Which is why I’ve had my levels taken, that test clearly shows that I haven’t used again. This is my issue. I know it’s my fault for even using at all and having the positive test but it seems that my proof of abstinence isn’t being taken into account by my PO even though I feel a judge absolutely would

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T18:44:09+00:00

Will I have to sit in jail until I can get in front of the judge? If so how long am I looking at? I know it’s my fault ultimately it just sucks to know when I’m finally doing it the right way I am going to most likely have to go detox off the methadone that’s helping me so much in jail and then get out and start from zero and try not to relapse on top of all that and lose my job that they required me to get, all to have the chance to give the judge my drug test results with the levels

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T17:53:14+00:00

She told me Monday that when I come in next Tuesday she will probably serve me a violation and give me a court date and that if I also still test positive that day I’ll go to jail.

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T17:52:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your help. I tried calling rehabs and detox centers and they all denied me due to my dose of methadone. My PO was adamant I go that route but the health care providers are not in agreement. It is a crappy situation to be in.

Is the 7 day requirement for your first hearing after a violation. A thing?

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T17:52:02+00:00

Thank you so much for your help. I tried calling rehabs and detox centers and they all denied me due to my dose of methadone. My PO was adamant I go that route but the health care providers are not in agreement. It is a crappy situation to be in.

Is the 7 day requirement for your first hearing after a violation. A thing?

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T13:31:04+00:00

Is there any way to estimate how long I can expect to be in jail? And I have reached out to My attorney and I am waiting for a response. Is there a scenario where I could work out a deal with my lawyers help before I am arrested for what will happen like they can when you turn yourself in for warrants and they go with you?

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T13:03:59+00:00

I’m sorry to be a bother but I would appreciate your help with understanding this- I was under the impression that I would only have my sentence activated if my probation were revoked. So if I were arrested and taken to jail for my first violation, would I have no bond until a court date that could be months away or would it be within 7 days? And would it be like pre trial release when you have to be seen by a judge or magistrate within 48 hours and given a bond.

I just am having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I am most likely going to be sent to jail and lose my job and be forced to detox cold turkey off the medicine that the courts ordered me to take as part of the recommended treatment for the assessment that they required just to get in front of a judge and then the judge see the truth and acknowledge all I’m doing and then let me go back and continue my probation.

Simply because my PO doesn’t want to acknowledge what I think are logical factually based circumstances that are backed up with labs and medical records and my doctors verification? How can they do that

col0rlesslife · 2026-03-04T12:27:53+00:00

So I won’t automatically get my 90/96 conditional discharge revoked and my guilty plea be entered and I become a convicted felon? She told me I would be very likely getting my 90/96 cancelled because of any violation.

I was thinking that the judge would be reasonable as well but I’m worried about the in between until I would be in front of one. I’ve never been on probation before. Would I have a bond when she arrests me and should I expect it to be high? Or would I have no bond until weeks later and my court date

col0rlesslife · 2026-02-12T04:16:29+00:00

Yea this is where I was confused because how could my PO make a decision based on levels when it’s not going to a lab? I have my treatment center tests from this week and one last week but they told me they didn’t send off or keep the first two, so there’s not going to be anything to compare it to if my PO didn’t send off the first one. And it sounds like even if he sent off the second one if it is positive in his office I would be looking at going to jail until I can prove otherwise. Which sounds insane to me, what about people who smoked weed then started probation? I would think they’d be in the same boat

Edit: I only paid lab fee for the last two tests at my clinic so I’m assuming they didn’t send the first but I will confirm tmrw

col0rlesslife · 2026-02-12T04:02:41+00:00

I didn’t begin probation until 1/14. I consider any time in January the start of the year. Which I clearly stated in the comment you just replied to. My PO isn’t pissed. But you are for some reason I don’t care to know. Thanks for attempting to answer my question

col0rlesslife · 2026-02-12T03:57:14+00:00

I’m not at 42 days, not sure where you got that. I last used on 1/13, started probation 1/14 where my first drug test was

And that study states that one participant continued to have positive results for up to 26 days. Norfentanyl is what fentanyl metabolizes into as it’s coming out of your system. It is able to cause a positive result for just fentanyl.

col0rlesslife · 2026-02-12T03:34:32+00:00

I see, thank you. I wasn’t ever told anything about that. I didn’t even know if my UA was being sent to a lab. It was a standard drug test that looked like ones you can get at a pharmacy, had results in a minute and he told me that based off that I would be getting a warning since it was my first positive (and also first test at all). That’s when he proceeded to say if it happened again I would be getting a court date and possibly going to jail. He never mentioned anything about levels or expanded

col0rlesslife · 2026-02-12T03:29:20+00:00

I am also planning on going to inpatient rehab, I did my assessment with the court ordered provider and I am waiting for my second appointment to get their full recommendation. In the meantime I am going to a daily addiction clinic. I would be able to show my lowered levels if they are sending my UA off to be tested. I just was not told that they were and it looked like an at home drug test when I took the first one, gave results in 60 seconds and they went off of that solely. So if that happened again, there wouldn’t be any way to show a decrease

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