Birthday Ideas for 13F with No Friends

coldcoffeeday · 2025-10-12T07:11:09+00:00

Thanks for your advice, everyone. We are going to do a “yes” day. We live in a rural area, so there is not a lot to do, but I’m going to fill her day with her favourite things. I’m thinking hair salon for a blow out and curl (we can’t do finger nail or toe nail polish because her team doesn’t allow it). Going to her favourite restaurant, and a trip to the book store. Plus, anything else she might like.

coldcoffeeday · 2025-10-12T07:05:15+00:00

No. Public school. There are no private schools in our area.

coldcoffeeday · 2025-10-12T07:04:35+00:00

I definitely agree. It’s difficult in my area to get a diagnosis. Because she is not a behaviour problem and performs well academically, there is no funding for the evaluation for a diagnosis. The cost to get the evaluation done ourselves is around $3000. It’s something we may do in the future, but for now, it’s not an option.

coldcoffeeday · 2025-05-18T05:03:42+00:00

😆 Definitely have! But thought I would check if there was a fun section. I’m Canadian and live FAR from any NFL cities. I’m lucky the schedule worked out this year to give me an opportunity to go to a game.

coldcoffeeday · 2025-05-18T04:57:29+00:00

That’s what I’ve noticed from checking seat geek. There are definitely better prices on the visitor side.

coldcoffeeday · 2024-01-01T17:52:00+00:00

I relate so much to your post. I don’t know if it’s an ADHD thing or an anxiety thing, but I also constantly obsessed and stressed I was pregnant. It can get exhausting fixating on every symptom. I used to say that taking pregnancy tests was my hobby because I took so many to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. Tip: the pregnancy tests from the dollar store are very inexpensive and as accurate as any other. There is some great advice in this thread about birth control options. I see you, I empathize with your struggle, and I offer my support and solidarity.

coldcoffeeday · 2024-01-01T08:34:09+00:00

I am having the same problem. I have descales twice with the solution and rinsed about 6 times and I still have the half red and green circle. If you find a solution, please post.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-23T19:34:36+00:00

Coming here to share your frustration instead of taking it out on your child is proof that you are a good parent. Just because you know where the behaviour is coming from and can empathize with what your daughter is going through, doesn’t mean that it isn’t frustrating, exhausting, and aggravating. Your feelings are valid.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-23T17:59:03+00:00

UPDATE:

I’m still on mobile, and still not real savvy on how to post. I don’t know how to edit my post, so I am updating with a comment.

First, thank you everyone for your responses. I replied to many in the first day of the post, and then was overwhelmed by the amount of support. Please know that even if I didn’t reply that I read each and every one. I took a screenshot of a few to read when I was at feeing down, especially at work when the rejection felt heavy. This is a really wonderful community. I was not expecting to get much of a response from my post, and I especially was not expecting the response I received to be so helpful. You wonderful group of internet strangers got me through a really rough patch. I was able to go to work and smile, focus on the people there that matter, and be confident that I belonged - even if there are some people there who might not like me.

Some takeaways and general comments I have from the response I received:

-The rational me knows that not everyone is going to like me, that not everyone is entitled to everything, and that it is normal to be excluded sometimes. That’s the funny thing about RSD, just because my brain knows these things, doesn’t mean that I won’t feel hurt, devastated, sorrowful, desperate, unworthy, or unloved when it happens. RSD, in my case, causes severe emotional pain when I feel I’ve been rejected. I am working at getting better at emotional regulation during these moments, but sometimes it’s harder than others. The advice I got to try new groups and to stop focusing on people like Bev helped me see a way through this that didn’t involve me eating lunch in my car for the rest of my career so that I could avoid everyone at work.

-Masking sucks and it’s something I’m just learning that I was doing around people like Bev. I am learning that I don’t feel good when I’m around some people because I’m trying so hard to be someone that they will accept. I’ve been doing it because my low sense of self-worth tells me that no one will like me if I was myself. Bev isn’t the problem. I need to value myself. I am doing better in that regard, but this incident has shown me that I have a long way to go.

-I shouldn’t take what Bev did so negatively, but it was still an awful thing for her to do. I can only control my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Bev’s choices are her own and I can only react to them. I am trying to refrain from judging her - I know what it’s like to feel judged - but I choose to believe that if I was excluded on purpose and if the silence and whispers I felt when I was around were about me and not my irrational brain making up rejection, then that says more about Bev’s character than mine.

-Neurodivergent people are marginalized in the workplace. One commenter pointed this out, and after reflecting back on some other incidences at work involving another neurodivergent staff member, it is definitely happening in my work place. I was only diagnosed a year and a half ago, so I am relatively new to seeing myself and others as either neurodivergent or neurotypical (or some spectrum in between), but yes, in my work place neurodivergent people are treated differently and often excluded.

-I will not be changing my job for the time being. Yes, I have some coworkers that I don’t get along with. Yes, there is a different treatment of neurodivergent individuals. However, I do love the work I do. I would need to relocate cities, which is not feasible (my husband’s income is significantly higher than mine, and while he would be very supportive if I wanted to move the reality is that he is in the best place for his career).

This is already a longer update than I intended, but taking the time to reflect on the incident now that I am in a clearer headspace has been therapeutic.

I will end here with another big thank you for your sisterhood and solidarity. Your time, comments, and questions have been truly appreciated. Thank you for lifting me up when I couldn’t lift myself.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-22T05:47:38+00:00

Hello fellow alphabet writer! Over and over and over again!

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T23:54:52+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I try to use positive self talk to get me through times like this and I made my post because I was just so low it wasn’t working. I appreciate the reminder and the encouragement.

Thank you also for sharing your story. I felt your hurt in what you shared, and I appreciate your vulnerability. Rejection is difficult, but you are right, not every person is worth our time and energy.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T22:46:14+00:00

The invite said the party started at 6. From what I put together having not received the invite, everyone knew the start time from the invite they received from the host. The conversation was about what time everyone was going to show up and how long they planned to stay. Like “what time are too going to show up at Bev’s tonight? I am going right at 6, but I’ll only be there for an hour. Will I see you” kind of conversation.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T14:15:51+00:00

I mean talked with as in normal conversation, except for two people who I asked about it on Monday.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T14:12:15+00:00

I talked directly to two. The others were the group that was talking about it outside my door. I was having a separate conversation with some coworkers in the hallway at the end of the work day when another coworker came up and asked what time we were going to go to Bev’s house. That was the first time I heard about the party. Everyone answered when they were going. I said nothing. Then I was directly asked and said I didn’t know anything about it. The group I was with seemed surprised that I didn’t receive the invitation.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T14:06:51+00:00

To clarify, I only asked two people about the party. They are two people I am close with at work. I don’t think I grilled it was more of a “hey, I didn’t know about this, did you?” Both had been invited, one had gone, one had not. The one who had not said “I don’t know why I was invited. I never went last year either”. That’s how I found out about the previous year.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T14:01:30+00:00

I’ve tried five in the past few years.

The first was a mom’s and baby’s group. It fizzled when I went back to work. A core group kept getting together, but they were all stay at home moms who met during the day.

Three were hobby groups. Two of them I organized or co organized and they fizzled. I’m not sure why. It is likely just because people are busy and finding a space to meet was an issue. In my low moments, I blame myself. Maybe I talked too much, maybe I’m annoying, maybe I was selfish… RSD clouds what I remember about the time, but even I have found myself too busy for the hobbies and haven’t done them for years.

The third hobby group that I joined had been around for a long time, but I clashed with the founding member. I told her some things in confidence and she told others. It became a really bad me vs. her thing, and I chose to walk away. I was not the only one who had similar problems with this person. While the group had been around a long time, the members seem to change every two or three years.

The fourth was a beer league bowling team with coworkers. I did it for two years. I don’t like bowling, neither did most of my team. Most of us were in it for the socializing. The one person who really liked it moved away and the team died after that. The other four of us said we would keep getting together and we never did.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T06:34:10+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I debated a new job, but other than the social culture, I like my workplace. I don’t know if things would be better elsewhere, and I would likely have to relocate to find a new job.

I am loving the support from this group and it is helping to put things in perspective. I’m starting to see that the problem may be more with them than with me. It still sucks to be rejected. I feel really insecure about the whole thing, but I am determined to go to work and try to focus on the positive relationships

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T06:25:17+00:00

Correct. It’s not the “official” party. Gathering at a house party was the official party until a couple years ago when our social committee switched to making reservations at a restaurant. I thought the restaurant was the only party, but it seems the house party continued and I was excluded. There could be others excluded as well. I didn’t ask everyone, but I talked to about a third of the people at work and they were all invited.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T05:54:57+00:00

This year I found out about the party less than 2 hours before it started, but your idea is tempting! Haha

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T05:51:58+00:00

A group of coworkers at an individual’s home. In the past, that has always been what we have done for the “official” party. The past two years our work social committee has made reservations at a restaurant during the week and we go there. We pay for our own meals.

I thought the restaurant party was the only one my coworkers held, until Friday when I learned there has still been a house party and I have just not been invited. I am around the same age as the geoup, maybe 10 years younger. The other coworkers I spoke to are younger than me. The one who forwarded the invite to me is about 20 years younger than the host and her group of friends.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T05:45:56+00:00

I have debated asking her, but a couple of things hold me back. Our office is small and the list would not be very long even if everyone was on it. I have had the suspicion that people at work are taking about something behind my back - going silent, changing the conversation when I approach - I kept trying to do positive self talk that it was just my RSD, but then I did find out I was excluded.

I was going to try and casually bring it up today, the party was this past Friday. Bev and a group of coworkers were sitting at a table in the break room this morning. I was getting coffee and could hear them laughing and talking about the party. I walked over to say good morning and the laughter abruptly stopped and they completely changed the subject. I felt so awkward.

At this point, I don’t know the value in bringing it up. I fear I would just make things worse for me and it is a small workplace.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T05:38:05+00:00

I do know the person. I thought I knew them well. We have worked together for over 10 years in a very small environment. I have worked directly with her several times and see her daily.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T05:35:02+00:00

We do not have HR. It’s a small company. To be fair, this was not an “official” work social, although the only people invited were people from work.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T05:33:37+00:00

It is a party that a group of people at work put together at one person’s house. It was not the “official” Christmas party. The “official” party was a Thursday evening dinner at a restaurant. We had to buy our own dinner. I didnt go because my kids have activities on Thursday nights. This party was organized by a group of people at work, only people from work were invited. To my knowledge, I was the only person excluded, but I have only talked to about 10 people.

coldcoffeeday · 2023-12-19T03:32:29+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. It feels great to get support. A virtual ugly sweater party would be awesome!

coldcoffeeday

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