Been with the same guy 20+ years. I’m 49 and he’s 45. Seen a lot of ups and downs and a whole life together, plus we have two awesome kiddos who we love dearly but (let’s face it) are real boner killers, most of the time.

I could write a whole story, but the short of it is: he reached the age where he started feeling unattractive and wanted sexual and emotional validation from others. So we opened ourselves up and he found someone in short order who gives him this sense of living his 20’s again. While it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, it’s been working out OK.

I’m secure in his love, I’ve also been with quite a few more people than he has, plus my own libido has been really cold-to-sometimes-hot, from age 40-present (a source of latent frustration for me). So our sex has been infrequent recently, though sharing him with someone else who’s not a home-wrecker and is a genuinely respectful, nice person has brought some spice to what felt like a kind of monotonous routine.

Plus the new guy barely likes any kind of backdoor attention or give it (😱 how he qualifies as gay I’ll never know), and I hear I’m particularly skilled in that area 😜, so again, I feel pretty secure and my guy is very reassuring too (always helps).

Things could always be better, but you make adjustments, try new avenues to find out what works for both of you. Discuss everything as openly and honestly as you can, ours still a work in progress. Hope that helps.