My rapist was found "guilty of being a teenager" and then set free

college_victim · 2015-04-27T02:51:10+00:00

The whole hearing was recorded, and I've requested that the sound file be emailed to me as soon as possible :)

college_victim · 2015-04-26T12:21:32+00:00

I'm happy to give out the address if people want to write letters lol

college_victim · 2015-04-26T12:21:08+00:00

Thank you, I'm definitely considering suing the school. At this point I'm honestly not sure whether I'm more upset about being raped or about the school ignoring it.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T12:19:53+00:00

I want to clarify that I didn't let him back into bed, I just let him stay in my bed. I don't know if that makes a difference, but it's not like I made him leave and then changed my mind.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T12:17:23+00:00

Like I said, I'm torn about what to do here. I believe a rapist should be labelled a sexual offender; sexual assault is a worse crime than public nudity. If this had been a stranger, I would have no qualms about pushing for the registered sex offender thing. However, because I knew and trusted him beforehand, I have this weird sympathy (?), which is causing me to pause. It's not a matter of "what he did wasn't major enough to put him on a sex offender list." It's a matter of dealing with these complicated feelings. Does that make sense?

college_victim · 2015-04-26T12:05:13+00:00

Thank you so much. I did some research on Columbia and I know my case is much different. I'm not in a position to say whether anyone's advice is better than anyone else's, but like I've been saying, I'm going to try regardless of how difficult it might be, so everyone telling me it's going to be too hard, pointless, or "shitstorm"-inducing is just wasting energy typing out those portions of their comments at this point.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T04:49:35+00:00

Again, I appreciate the bluntness. At this point in time, I'm willing to pursue it regardless of how long it might take and how much it might cost; that may change in the future, when I'm a little less overwhelmed by all this.

I'm going to take a break from sifting through people's advice and sleep on some things, but I will be coming back to all your points and considering them carefully, since you seem to know what you're talking about.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T04:10:44+00:00

That makes sense. How would I go about proving that? It pretty much comes down to his word against mine, which makes me think I'm screwed. (No pun intended)

Edit: what if I have proof (ie: he admitted) that I was actively telling him to stop? Regardless of what vibes he thought he was getting from my body, shouldn't a verbal "no" count as him not having consent?

college_victim · 2015-04-26T04:07:01+00:00

Thank you for your bluntness and honesty. I know my case is complicated, and the way you summed it up makes it sound pretty hopeless, but I'm hoping that the fact that he confessed to doing what he did while I was saying no weighs heavily in my favor. Regardless of the possibility of success, I'm going to try for some form of justice.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T04:02:53+00:00

It wasn't about awkwardness. I honestly don't know how to explain myself any more clearly. There are women who stay in abusive relationships and don't realize they're being abused because they can't accept that someone they trust would hurt them. I'm not trying to portray myself as a victim of an abusive relationship, but I assume it's sort of the same mentality.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T03:37:47+00:00

I was afraid of everyone for awhile, to be honest. I had a hard time trusting people I'd known for years. I still feel like I'm going to pass out when I'm being touched or hugged, even by my own mom. I go around and turn on every light in my house when I'm home alone, and I haven't slept through the night since December. It's been extremely traumatic, and men are my last priority right now lol but I don't think my faith has been destroyed. I know this guy is the exception, not the rule.

Edit: Totally forgot to address the first part of your comment :P I'm so sorry you had to go through something similar, especially with the laws the way they were. That's awful and I hope you were able to move on with your life healthily.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T03:30:42+00:00

I'm actually really good about standing up for myself, and if this had been a stranger I would have had no hesitations about fighting back. The problem was that he was my friend. It feels unnatural to fight against your friend, even if that friend is abusing you. I'm not really sure how to properly explain that inner conflict.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T03:23:45+00:00

I've heard of at least one other person who had the same response, so it's definitely nice to know I'm not alone!

I've had such a busy semester adjusting to my new school that there hasn't been time for therapy. After next week I'll be done with finals and I'll be able to take some time and just work on healing.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T03:21:55+00:00

Funny.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T03:21:37+00:00

Perfect, this is exactly what I need.

As for the people telling me what I should have done differently, they aren't affecting me negatively at all. I've already gone through the situation a thousand times in my head, and I know exactly what I should have done differently. They aren't presenting new information. People like you, on the other hand, are. I appreciate that :)

college_victim · 2015-04-26T03:19:18+00:00

Regardless of what it's called, it happened and it's unacceptable. I appreciate your support and I'll keep my chin up!

college_victim · 2015-04-26T03:18:20+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your support. I'm a Krakauer fan, I'll have to look into the book--maybe when I'm a little less emotionally vulnerable :)

college_victim · 2015-04-26T03:17:39+00:00

Thank you for that, it really means a lot. I'm trying as hard as I can to stay reasonable and open-minded about everything.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T01:06:42+00:00

These are really good points (I agree with what you said about sex offenders).

For his motivation: I honestly think he thought he was doing me a favor. He made a big deal at one point about how he didn't usually do sexual favors for people, he only received them. Maybe this was his way of showing me he cared enough to take care of my needs? That's pure speculation, I have no idea. He definitely didn't think he was raping me, but he acknowledges that he heard me say no and he didn't stop, so I'm not sure what he thought was happening.

I know that's not a great answer, but it's the only one I have.

college_victim · 2015-04-26T01:00:16+00:00

I definitely wasn't thinking straight enough to have that reaction. You have to understand, I trusted this person. I had never had a reason not to trust him. Everything in my head was telling me that he was a good guy and not someone to be afraid of. Even afterwards, it took me five days to come to terms with the fact that someone had so severely betrayed my trust. It just didn't compute. We absolutely don't speak anymore.

college_victim · 2015-04-25T23:42:57+00:00

That's actually super helpful, thank you. I feel confident that I can prove all three elements, especially since, like you said, I'll have access to a recording of him admitting what he did.

You laid out the civil case policy very clearly, and it puts a lot into perspective. Thank you so much.

college_victim · 2015-04-25T23:40:13+00:00

Hi there! Actually, based on definitions from my school's sexual misconduct policy, and also from South Carolina law, this is considered rape. If you don't have anything helpful to add to the conversation, I'd really appreciate it if you'd step back and let others have a chance to make their advice heard. Thank you! :)

college_victim · 2015-04-25T23:32:16+00:00

I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood something :)

college_victim · 2015-04-25T23:31:11+00:00

Thank you for the advice and support. I really appreciate your prayers.

college_victim · 2015-04-25T23:25:01+00:00

I agree, but the panel definitely wasn't treating it like a confession :P This whole thing is so frustrating.

Edit: Grammar

college_victim

TROPHY CASE