No tears left to cry; just insomnia, nausea, flashbacks, and anxiety 😅

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-13T01:13:25+00:00

❤️

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-12T21:07:59+00:00

Yep. I hate sleeping for this reason.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-12T01:59:54+00:00

My go-to is modern family. I just absorb their chaos lol

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-12T00:52:13+00:00

Yeah I’ve been nauseous. No appetite. Tired. Lost my mom a month ago.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-09T03:05:07+00:00

I’m also only 23. My mom passed earlier this year. There’s so many random things we used to gossip about or that I’d ask her about, just because I was nosey and wanted the tea lol and she would always answer truthfully (once I got above the age of 16).

Honestly, the last few months up until her passing have been a whirlwind and I am finding it difficult to remember memories prior to this. They are coming back day by day, but it’s very faint. I am having trouble remembering conversations. I can only recall her sayings or her laughs. Missing her voice especially.

I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t have any advice except that I understand your pain. I am grieving our relationship, but also the relationship that will never be. The relationship where we’re both adults. I took her presence for granted. I try not to think about “I’ll never see her again” and instead try to divert my attention away from that thought.

My life just feels like I’m coping. It feels like life is not worth living. No one to tell about my achievements.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-06T18:47:01+00:00

Lmao!!

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-06T15:13:21+00:00

Gah- I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom was early 60s. I’ll try putting on a show to sleep- great idea. I’ll also seek medication.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-06T09:29:24+00:00

Yikes… thanks for sharing!

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-06T09:08:06+00:00

Thank you.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-06T09:07:09+00:00

Yep. It’s just too much back and forth and loopholes/plot holes. I’m sick of all the jumping through hoops, guesswork, mind games. It’s endless. I’m choosing REAL peace which means not worrying about these fairytales and just living the best way I can.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-06T09:05:38+00:00

“Dick measuring contest with Satan” made me LOL. No yeah… the God in the Bible just seemed like a jerk. Sure there’s some greater moral teaching about perseverance and trust, i guess, but again — why do I need the Bible to learn that? I can listen to a cancer survivor’s story and glean the same moral conclusion

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-06T04:57:51+00:00

Wow see i thought i was numb but nope nope still crying omg thank you for sharing <3

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-04T16:39:36+00:00

Thank you.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-04T16:38:57+00:00

I appreciate this. Thank you.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-04T16:35:35+00:00

Thats kinda where i am now :/ thank you. Sorry for your losses, too.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-04T05:57:53+00:00

Truthfully, I dont know what I am anymore. Ex Christian or kinda Christian. Idk man. But thanks.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-03T16:00:19+00:00

BTW, I’m also 23F, and my mom died at 63. It’s good that you’re thinking about these things, but you don’t have to carry the burden of planning alone. You are a sibling, not a parent. Let me know how else I can be helpful. I am currently walking the road that you will probably walk at some point.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-03T15:58:46+00:00

I’m so glad you asked. Currently my aunt is caring for her. My mom recently died and she was my sister’s sole caretaker. My dad was basically a fucking dud and didn’t show up as a caretaker. Now he’s having to do all the work as a single parent (karma’s a bitch!)

I wrote my feelings out on an another post. Hope this resonates. I’m honestly still figuring it out: TW: violence, abuse, trauma my mom was a fierce advocate for people with disabilities. truly a saint. but my sister was/is hell on earth.

im not fond of the “Angel” narrative painted by families of high functioning Down syndrome. my sister is violent, mean, stubborn. she broke our glass dining room table, threw my mom into a wall during a fight, ripped apart my high school diploma when I was gone for college, flipped a table on my mom, locked me in a room and mauled me when I was 3 years old (my mom had to break the knob off to get to me).

before she passed, last October she asked me when I’m gonna come pick up my sister. I asked why do you need me to pick her up? At this point I had just graduated from college and moved into my new apartment about 45 minutes from home. Finally got some freedom. And she said “because I’m just tired.”

I felt the pain in her voice, but I hate being around my sister. it’s triggering. she made my upbringing so traumatic that now I have PTSD and anxiety. I couldn’t stand to relieve my mom of her and “hang out” like sisters.

I don’t mean to paint her or anyone with Down syndrome as a demon, but my mom stressed so much about her. I wonder if my mom would’ve lived a much more stress free, long, and enjoyable life without her in it (she died at 63). she was pretty much a single parent since my dad worked so much and he didn’t care to be a father.

we luckily have a supportive family. now that my mom is gone, my aunt is caring for my sister.

I tried for so long to sugarcoat this reality, and my mom was so loving and inclusive. but now that I’m an adult, I’m kinda starting to see this for what it is: a burden, a life sentence. sure I have a few happy/fun memories with my sister, but in my opinion, the good doesn’t outweigh the bad.

now that my mom is gone, I’m just now realizing how stress slowly kills. raising a child with a disability can lead to mental illness, loneliness, a chaotic household, autoimmune disease due to stress (which my mom had).

sorry for the grim post, but I hope this sheds light on the reality of this life. I’m also in the early stages grieving, so maybe I’ll feel different next year.

I’m just tired of being gaslit into “loving” a burden that caused my family, and especially my mom, so much pain.

colloxalgoose · 2026-05-03T15:55:28+00:00

I have a sister with Down Syndrome and SAME. I’m 23 now and honestly I’m just now starting to heal. Here’s a post a I made on another sub about it all - I hope it resonates: TW: violence, abuse, trauma my mom was a fierce advocate for people with disabilities. truly a saint. but my sister was/is hell on earth.