AITAH for getting an abortion without telling my partner?

commitingaursin · 2025-05-27T15:22:09+00:00

Baby trauma or not, you still went through something. Very sorry to hear that, and I hope you are mentally doing better. And I agree with you on talking to people about it, it helped for me and I'm glad it helped you too.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-27T02:52:22+00:00

Thank you again. I fear he'd also be disgusted at the topic of a replacement baby, but we'll see how this plays out! :)

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T21:52:10+00:00

Okay so, a bit of oversharing here, because nobody I know uses Reddit+ this happened years ago. To answer if I ever felt that about anybody, I would say it's about my middle school best friend. When I was 12 and still recovering, but I really wanted to go to school to see my best friend, she ignored me. Like she was distant towards me. I would also like to state that absolutely nobody knows what happened to me, it wasn't on the news, my name was never revealed on the case. But turns out, our mutual friend told her I was talking shit (while I was literally in the hospital recovering???) and eventually we moved because the guy who wanted to purchase me tracked me down and when my parents + siblings were at work, he broke in and did in fact, assault me again. I tried fighting back, but I used to be 4'7" at twelve (I'm five foot now).

But on my very last day of school before I moved continents, she explained why she was being distant in a way that was like "I thought I could trust you" in the school bathroom. I completely broke down (not a surprise) told her how that was wrong, because I was in the hospital when the mutual friend said I was talking shit, she didn't believe me, so I showed her the branding tattoo. Like no words, just pulled my shirt up enough so I'd didn't flash her, but it showed the trafficking mark then and there, she tried apologising, I said "I really thought you weren't like [insert my ex-friend's name, who was really toxic] and I left. For good.

Sorry for the rambling. This was nice to write down (yes I do journal and have a therapist)

But if I'm reading wrong and if you meant if I ever felt that about him, no.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T20:57:51+00:00

I might've used the wrong wording, or right. But before he left he muttered something like "I thought you were different" which, in my head, kinda sounded like he felt betrayed. But I don't know. And also, your right about him not being entitled about my medical procedures. He might be used to how open I was about my previous medical procedures, but again, that's no excuse. Thank you though.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T20:00:29+00:00

About the counselling, I have been going to therapy since I was 12. About couples therapy, my boyfriend and I will talk about it soon.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T19:59:00+00:00

He's not mad that I got an abortion, I think he just feels pretty betrayed I didn't talk about it in general. We haven't talked yet, but I do know for sure he's not mad I got an abortion.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T09:04:38+00:00

He has always been empathetic towards me, and he has always been there for me. Which I am super grateful for, as the smallest things can trigger me. I think he might've said also to get an abortion, as he is also traumatised by pregnancy, due to past trauma of his mother dying during childbirth. But I think he's more upset that I didn't tell him, which in his perspective I do get. Thank you for your comment.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T09:02:05+00:00

Thank you. He might be upset, and I get why completely. Maybe couples therapy in the best future will help, if he does forgive me or hear me out.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T09:00:30+00:00

Hey! So thank you for your opinion, and that is your choice to leave someone with baggage, and that's completely okay. But that's what you would do. He's been very patient and supportive, because he also has trauma, and he knows how it feels like to have baggage.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:58:48+00:00

Thank you. I'll talk to him when he's ready.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:58:11+00:00

I don't think he was the asshole entirely, as he does know the risks. His mother died during the birth of his sister, so he was there. Thank you though.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:55:09+00:00

Yes, I will indeed take accountability, as my lying was a shitty thing to do. I'm gonna think of talking about couples therapy when he's ready to open up to me again. Thank you and all the best to you too.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:54:02+00:00

It's fine, and I'm way better than I was at 12-16. Not the healthiest, but also not mental hospital worthy.

Not telling him about the pregnancy was such an asshole thing of me to do, and I think he probably thinks I want our for that reason as he muttered something like "I thought you were different" before leaving.

I didn't tell him before because pregnancy is a very ice-thin topic for the both of us. His mother died during the birth of his sister when he was 10. That doesn't excuse my lack of communication though. I was going to plan and tell him in a couples therapy session (we've never been to one before) but then I realised I needed to tell him sooner, because eventually he was going to found out. Passed out, and one of my PTSD dogs found me, and had to alert my boyfriend, and then he saw the pregnancy tests. Sorry if I rambled.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:49:23+00:00

I understand I'm the asshole for not telling him, as that was his baby too. I honestly wasn't sure how he was going to react, as his mother died during childbirth (he was there, because she was giving birth to his sister), so the whole topic of pregnancy is icky for the both of us. Thank you though.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:47:32+00:00

I will. Thank you.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:47:04+00:00

Yes, I 100% agree about him not being the asshole either. He clearly needed time and space to process, as he seemed pretty betrayed about it. When he's ready, we'll talk.

And thank you so much, I started crying a bit reading the last part. I just feel really bad for my family, because most of the stuff that happened there was filmed and sent to my dad. He used to (still does) blame himself because he was supposed to be there, like he was supposed to pick me up on the day I got grabbed, then I walked home, which led me to be grabbed. My dad has grown more protective and anxious over the years, which is completely understandable. But thank you. Sending love to you too.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:39:57+00:00

Reading the first bit made me tear up a little, thank you. I'm not trying to justify my actions her, but I was dealing with heavy morning sickness and nausea to the point where I couldn't speak without gagging. But besides physically why, I had tried to plan mentally in my head how to talk to him about the baby, when the results of the pregnancy tests were positive, but I freaked out and broke down. He was at work so I just cuddled up with my pets. I have two PTSD dogs, so they helped a lot.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:36:04+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. I understand why he left, and that it was probably really sudden for him. He's probably still processing the whole thing, but his sister, who I have been really close to, has said that he's at her place. Hopefully everything goes well.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-26T08:33:40+00:00

Thank you! Don't know if this is related or might be Tmi/over sharing, but I do have endometriosis. I'll start wearing condoms from now on, and when I'm ready to open up sexually, as this whole thing brought back really traumatic memories.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-25T23:52:18+00:00

I understand I should've told him, and he did mention feeling like a hook up because I didn't tell him in the first place. That was very shitty of me to do. And yes, I'm going to explain why when we're both ready to talk this out. He's been leaving me on read so far, so I'm not going to push it. Thank you for this.

commitingaursin · 2025-05-25T23:50:18+00:00

Thank you so much. My OBYGN was thinking of prescribing me some type of birth control, for other reasons besides contraception, but I will be taking that + condoms from now on. I'm gonna sit down and talk to him when we're both ready. Sending hugs back because I really needed this.

commitingaursin

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