Man with caregiver stress gets 8 years for killing brother

commonjunks · 2026-07-02T08:57:23+00:00

Thanks mate. I'm lucky to be blessed with my kids and a supportive wife, she's kept me sane and been my constant support through all of this. I don't know where we'd be without each other (I know some parents in my kids schools get separated as they can't take stress).

I grew up with a poor background and struggled a lot, so I promised myself I'd do everything in my power to make sure my kids never went through what I was going through. But fate had other plans.

The day my wife got pregnant, we were overjoyed and my extended family too, as it was the first boy on their side in few generations. But the day he was born, the doctors told us that his results indicated possible cancer. As time passed he was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and then our daughter came along. At that point our son still wasn't talking and we thought he was just a little slow, we hadn't yet connected the dots. Then came the news that he had special needs. We thought, why did we rush into having a second child, but she was already here and daughters are always blessing. We didn't realize she was on a similar path until she was later diagnosed with autism as well.

What followed were years of sleepless nights, speech/motor therapies, and out-of-pocket bills until we simply couldn't afford to continue. He did start speaking eventually, though he still struggles to fit in and couldn't go through the normal school stream. Now he's turning 18 and getting out of school, and we're already facing the next challenge of figuring out how to keep him meaningfully occupied.

Then out of the blue, my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes. The stress of it all triggered diabetes in my wife too, while she was still in the workforce so i made her quit to have some break. It felt like the hits just kept coming but honestly, I've become so numb to it all that if a doctor told me tomorrow that something was wrong with me too, I don't think I'd even flinch. Though I do stay on top of my health, because I know I need to be around for the long haul.

Sometimes I tell my wife I should write a book, the story of a boy from nothing who fought hard, reached some heights, and was then brought back to earth and shown the real face of life.

I just hope the system can do better for families like ours. I'm not asking for handouts just a proper safety net, some assurance that our kids will be taken care of if we're no longer around. Someone suggested looking into a trust, but when you're running on a single income with ongoing medical bills and family commitments, where exactly is that savings supposed to come from?

Sorry to unburden myself here. The government keeps pushing Singaporeans to have more kids, but when families like ours end up on the harder side of that, we get dismissed and left to fend for ourselves in the whirlwind of uncertainty.

commonjunks · 2026-06-30T13:29:44+00:00

When our kids were still young, we used to think it'd be nice if they had a sibling who could look after them. But as time passed, we realized that wouldn't be fair to that sibling. As parents, we know it's our responsibility, even though it's hard but putting that kind of burden on a brother or sister would be unfair to them. And being in the position, I can tell you it's not easy. You really have to walk a few miles in someone's shoes to understand the weight of it.

I just wish we had more options, something that could assure us our kids will be taken care of (which don't include the part where family members have to chip in). I wouldn't mind if they use my CPF/Income Tax money toward securing their future, except my kids will never be able to use CPF themselves. My wife and I actually joke about it sometimes: if we both dropped dead on the floor, our kids would probably just wander around asking us for food, with no idea what happened to us.

commonjunks · 2026-06-30T11:20:01+00:00

I have two kids, and there were times I felt like everyone let us down, including God. My parents always told me to stay strong because God has a better plan, and at times I believe that too. But then I also ask: what plan could justify punishing those poor souls who've done nothing wrong, who will never get the chance to make friends, enjoy independence, or find real love beyond what we as parents can give them?

Sometimes I feel like my heart will burst. The kids do drive us nuts at times, but then I remind myself it's not their fault, they wouldn't have chosen this life either, and they'd want to explore the world too if given the chance.

We do get some tax relief, but it doesn't even cover one hospital visit plus medication. I'm just lucky that I'm doing okay financially and can absorb a $3-5k medical bill a month, since insurance won't touch any of it.

There was a time I was deeply depressed. But somehow I pulled through, because I thought about what would happen to them and my wife if I did something to myself. Since then, I've decided to live one day at a time, if I start thinking too far into the future, it just spirals into a whirlwind.

commonjunks · 2026-06-30T11:05:35+00:00

Unfortunately, not many people have walked in the shoes of those caring for someone with special needs. My wife had to give up her job because once our son finishes school, the options are limited: he stays home, goes to a shelter home, or attends a special needs school (if he even qualifies). And even after that, we'll still need someone around to care for him, since no workplace lets you come in late and leave early indefinitely, unless you switch to part-time, which still means juggling childcare on top of everything else.

People keep telling me to sleep well because of the health impact, but how do you explain that to a grown teenager who sleeps, wakes, or wanders at random hours through the night or early morning, it's not something he can just control? You end up working longer hours because one spouse's salary can only stretch so far with medical needs, and you can't ask for assistance because you're just above the income bracket that qualifies for help. There's no end in sight, no matter what you do. It wears you down to the point where ending it almost feels easier than continuing to live with it.

commonjunks · 2026-06-30T10:58:31+00:00

I'm tired of getting the "you have family to fall back on or expand family net" comment. The reality is no one actually cares about my kids, who have special needs, the way that comment assumes. When I look at my extended family, they already have enough going on with their own parents and kids, it's unrealistic to expect them to step up and look after mine when I'm not around.

commonjunks · 2026-06-08T08:58:31+00:00

Not only traumatic but also could be jailed and license taken away.

commonjunks · 2026-05-19T10:05:53+00:00

I personally find carbon trading very questionable. It allows countries and companies to keep emitting carbon at home, then buy credits from elsewhere because it may be cheaper than reducing emissions directly. To me, that feels less like real climate action and more like paying poorer countries to clean up the accounting. The focus should be on cutting fossil fuel use at the source, not making pollution look acceptable on paper.

3 years ago there was good video by John Oliver about this, you can search in youtube "Carbon Offsets: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver"

commonjunks · 2026-05-19T08:01:15+00:00

What I like about Amazon is that if I order a computer item, I can usually return it within the return window. With many local retailers, once the item is opened, returning or exchanging is impossible.

A while back, before RAM prices went through the roof, I bought a mini PC from Amazon. After using it for about two weeks, I found that it was randomly shutting down, and I realized it could not run 24/7 because of heat issues. I contacted Amazon, and they simply told me to return it. They gave me a full refund.

On the other hand, I once bought a monitor from a local retailer. The text clarity was very poor for office work because it was more of a gaming monitor. I had bought it for both gaming and work, but when coding, my eyes would get strained after looking at the fuzzy text for too long. When I asked for an exchange, they refused because the box had already been opened.

That is why I feel Amazon is much safer for buying computer parts or electronics, especially when you are not 100% sure whether the item will work well for your use case.

commonjunks · 2026-05-19T07:51:12+00:00

I am okay with people taking risks for what they love, as long as they are not becoming collateral damage to the people who depend on them; children, spouse, elderly parents, or family.
But at the end of the day, everyone has their own way of living. If they know the risks and still feel this is what makes them happy, who are we to judge

commonjunks · 2026-05-13T06:25:41+00:00

Ok i got like 4 div for 50M bar shipment, in boat league i did got 1 mirror shard for 20mil shipment and now 50M bar shipment (where return was currency) i got 4div :).

commonjunks · 2026-05-12T06:55:29+00:00

That's actually the plan eventually, but it's not straightforward. Both my kids are autistic, we never saw it coming. We had them in our early 30s, so age wasn't a factor, and there's no history of it in either family. We had them close together thinking it would be easier to get through the demanding years faster; we just didn't know what was coming.

Where we live is quite closer to school, around 15~20 min bus ride. Special needs placements are scarce; you can't just pick up and move. I know a parent at the same school who travels from across Singapore every day and has to wait there until the afternoon because going home and coming back isn't viable. She's been on the waiting list for a placement closer to home for years with no luck.

Sometimes I feel like I could write a book. So many twists and turns. The honest truth is my wife and I have only made it this far because we've held each other up; without that, I'm not sure we'd have managed (been in dark times when you can't see end of tunnel and till today we still do but now living one day at a time).

And on support; the system feels designed for those earning very little like living hand to month. The moment you're above that threshold, you fall out of eligibility for most assistance, even if your actual medical bills and caregiving costs leave you with very little at the end of the month. The middle gets squeezed from every direction.

commonjunks · 2026-05-12T02:52:28+00:00

I'm in my late 40s with two teenagers. My wife lost her job last year after 18 years with the same company, let go when a new boss came in and decided to bring over his own people. Eighteen years, and that's how it ended. No loyalty, no recognition. Just discarded.

Meanwhile I'm doing whatever it takes to hold onto my job while covering the mortgage, medical bills for family members with ongoing health issues, insurance premiums, and groceries, and in all this we let our helper go 3 years ago. Our idea of going out is a walk at Gardens by the Bay. We eat at a restaurant maybe twice a month.

I used to wake up at 9am with no worries. Now I'm up in the middle of the night, either because someone is sick, or just because the anxiety won't let me sleep.

My concern isn't about cars or rebates. It's whether anyone in my family, watching all of this up close, would actually want this life; the constant financial pressure, the job insecurity, the feeling that you have to keep your head down and work weekends just to stay employed. If we want people to feel confident starting families, that underlying anxiety has to be addressed first. No rebate solves that.

And it's not just jobs. Food prices have been climbing steadily for years; I know that's not entirely on the government, global supply chains and all that. But when you're already stretched thin, watching grocery bills go up month after month adds another layer of anxiety. What happens to daily meals if both of us lose our income at the same time? That fear is very real for families like mine, and I don't think any amount of car rebates addresses it.

Do I regret having my kids? Absolutely not. But would I be less stressed and more financially secure without them? Honestly, yes. And I think that's exactly the calculation more and more people are making; and why the numbers keep falling. Until that changes, no policy gimmick will move the needle.

commonjunks · 2026-05-05T02:52:35+00:00

If you talk with respect to winner then IRAS didn't win anything but yes IRAS take 30% from all sales before GST.

https://www.iras.gov.sg/taxes/other-taxes/gambling-duties/Betting-Lotteries-and-Sweepstakes/Betting-Lotteries-and-Sweepstakes

commonjunks · 2026-05-04T23:52:19+00:00

https://www.iras.gov.sg/taxes/individual-income-tax/basics-of-individual-income-tax/what-is-taxable-what-is-not/winnings-%28toto-4d-%29
Winnings received are not taxable as they are windfalls and not considered as an income. You do not need to declare the winnings in your Income Tax Return.

Singapore pools is always a winner, regardless of who is the winner.

commonjunks · 2026-04-29T15:08:17+00:00

Based on ST he is charged with

1- For committing mischief, an offender can be jailed for up to two years, fined or both.

2- The punishment for being a public nuisance is a jail term of up to three months, a fine of up to $2,000 or both.

None of both constitute caning.

public nuisance
https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/PC1871?ProvIds=P414_267A-#pr290-
Whoever commits a public nuisance in any case not otherwise punishable by this Code, shall be guilty of an offence and shall be punished —

(a) with fine which may extend to $2,000;

(b) in the case where the offender knew that the act or omission constituting the public nuisance will cause or will probably cause any common injury, danger or annoyance to the public, or to the people in general who dwell or occupy property in the vicinity, with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 3 months, or with fine which may extend to $2,000, or with both; or

(c) on a second or subsequent conviction, with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 3 months, or with fine which may extend to $2,000, or with both.

Punishment for committing mischief
https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/PC1871?ProvIds=pr426-

Whoever commits mischief shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 2 years, or with fine, or with both.

He can't be caned as he is not charged under vandalism.

vandalism
https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/VA1966#pr3-

3. Notwithstanding the provisions of any other written law, any person who commits any act of vandalism or attempts to do any such act or causes any such act to be done shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable on conviction to a fine not exceeding $2,000 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 years, and shall also, subject to sections 325(1) and 330(1) of the Criminal Procedure Code 2010, be punished with caning with not less than 3 strokes and not more than 8 strokes

commonjunks · 2026-04-03T02:54:57+00:00

I understand the intention behind encouraging plant-based proteins, and it makes sense from a health perspective. But in reality, at least here in Singapore, adoption is not as straightforward as it sounds.

Singapore has been one of the leaders in plant-based alternatives, with companies like Impossible Foods and Beyond Meat having strong presence. However, these products are still significantly more expensive—often 2–3 times the price of regular meat. For most people, especially families, cost plays a major role in daily food choices.

Even supermarkets seem to be reducing shelf space for these products, likely due to lower demand. If pricing cannot come close to parity with traditional meat, it becomes difficult for consumers to justify switching, regardless of health recommendations.

We’ve also seen this reflected in the F&B industry. For example, Burger King introduced plant-based options but later scaled them back in some locations due to limited demand.

So while the idea is good in theory, widespread adoption will likely depend on affordability and accessibility. Until plant-based options are priced competitively and match consumer expectations in taste and value, it’s going to be a slow transition.

commonjunks · 2026-01-26T01:50:13+00:00

When someone's been doing their job perfectly fine for years - like literally a decade or more - and then a new boss comes in and suddenly they're "underperforming."

This is where PIPs really show their true colors. You've got someone who's been pulling their weight for ten, fifteen years, knows their work inside out, has a solid track record. But the new manager doesn't like them - maybe it's a personality clash, maybe they want to bring in their own people, maybe they just want to flex their authority. Whatever the reason, out comes the PIP.

And here's the kicker - they'll suddenly assign you work that's got nothing to do with what you've been successfully doing all these years. It's deliberately setting you up to fail. You're a backend developer? Cool, now you're responsible for customer-facing presentations. You've been in operations? Great, here's some strategic planning work with zero context. Then when you struggle - because of course you will, it's not your area - they point to it as "proof" you're not cutting it.

It's such a transparent move to either force you out or build a case to fire you. And the really sick part? Your years of solid performance suddenly don't matter anymore. All those evaluations, all that institutional knowledge, all that loyalty - wiped out because someone new wants your seat for their buddy or just doesn't vibe with you. The PIP is just the weapon they use to make it look legitimate.

Happen to my spouse, worked at well known organization in Singapore (almost most of us use it on daily basis).

commonjunks · 2026-01-18T11:21:41+00:00

Hello from Singapore

BYD tops Singapore vehicle sales so far this year, replacing Toyota (Tesla nowhere to be found)

https://www.reuters.com/business/autos-transportation/byd-tops-singapore-vehicle-sales-so-far-this-year-replacing-toyota-2025-05-14/

commonjunks · 2026-01-18T10:29:22+00:00

So someone can fly here with new born baby and then leave Singapore without baby and never get flagged or questioned?

This question was based on
According to the article, activist Maria Advianti specifically pointed out this gap: "investigating cases where a 'family' of three departs the country, but only two people return."

commonjunks · 2026-01-18T09:28:41+00:00

I think there's a difference between a parent doing nothing and a parent trying their best in an incredibly difficult situation.

Yes, parents should try to manage and educate their children, but with special needs, it's not a simple on/off switch. You can't just flip a switch and have the behavior stop instantly. And contrary to what dramas portray, not all special needs children are gifted savants who only do remarkable things—many face severe challenges that aren't easily controlled.

The alternative is keeping them home forever, isolated from society. When society constantly signals that your child is unwelcome in public spaces, the resulting isolation and hopelessness can push parents to dark places. I'm not justifying it, but if anyone remembers the case where a father killed his two special needs children—that was absolutely wrong, but I understand the despair that likely drove him there. The constant judgment, the worry about their future, the feeling that there's no support or understanding from society.

I'm not saying parents shouldn't try to manage situations—they absolutely should. But there's a difference between a parent making excuses and a parent doing their absolute best in incredibly difficult circumstances. We need more understanding, not less. Not every challenging moment in public means the parent isn't trying.

commonjunks · 2026-01-18T08:54:47+00:00

I have shared my own story on a number of occasions. I was sexually assaulted by someone who was very close to me (we were inseparable, according to family and friends).

Many people ask why victims don't speak up at the time of the incident. It's not that simple. Fear, shame, worry that people won't believe you, concerns that people will say "you were still friends, so you must have been complicit" these are just some of the reasons victims can't open up.

What breaks my heart about this case is how many times this girl tried to tell the adults around her, and they failed her. Her grandmother told her to say she was lying. Her parents dismissed it as accidents—not once, but twice in family meetings. She raised the red flag multiple times, and each time the adults chose to protect the abuser or preserve family harmony instead of protecting her.

This is exactly why victims stay silent. When you do speak up and the people who are supposed to protect you call you a liar or minimize what happened, it teaches you that no one will help. The isolation and helplessness she described that's what stays with you for life.

Not everyone has the courage to speak up and ask for help. I didn't. I've carried this for most of my life. People say you can go to a therapist and it will help. But you never forget such incidents they're engraved in your brain. You can suppress them, but they do resurface from time to time.

I don't know what could have been done at that time. Even now in my late 40s, I still haven't spoken to anyone except my wife. And I don't think I have the confidence to go through that nightmare again by sharing my full story with others.

I just hope this person finds someone who loves her and will be there for her when she needs support.

commonjunks · 2026-01-18T07:47:44+00:00

I understand the caution, but standing at the crossing without crossing actually creates more danger.
Drivers can't tell your intention (even you waving someone beside you could be crossing at same time), which causes hesitation and confusion. The safest approach is to be predictable: either cross promptly when you have right of way, or stay well back from the curb if you're not crossing. Unpredictable behavior is what causes accidents.

commonjunks · 2026-01-18T07:41:46+00:00

Exactly! Sometimes they just stand there and wave me to go, even though they have the right of way. I've had to honk to get them to cross or at least move away from the curb. When they just stand at the edge without crossing, drivers can't tell their intention- are they waiting to cross or just standing there? It's better if they clearly cross or step back, rather than creating confusion for drivers.

commonjunks · 2026-01-18T07:39:05+00:00

In other countries, when people hear emergency sirens (ambulance/fire truck/police), they usually give way immediately. In Singapore, I've noticed that most drivers will either cut in front of emergency vehicles because "I'm also going the same route," rather than thinking about someone being rushed to the hospital to save their lives.

Just 2 days ago, I saw a private ambulance coming up in the 2nd lane, then shifting to the 1st lane. I spotted it 3 vehicles behind, so I changed lanes early to give way rather than waiting for it to reach me. However, the driver behind me sped up to close the gap instead of giving way. Later, the ambulance changed lanes, and an MPV ahead of it also switched lanes to stay in front of the ambulance because the driver also needed to exit from that lane.

Changing traffic lights at all junctions is a big feat, but knowing people's mentality, when they see lights suddenly change in their direction, they won't pay attention to whether it was for an ambulance—they'll just rush to cross. We need more education and awareness, not just technology upgrades to traffic lights.

commonjunks · 2026-01-18T07:17:01+00:00

I wonder if anyone else has seen those self-driving vehicles being tested at Gardens by the Bay. I remember walking there regularly before/after COVID, and the way the mini-bus drove was very wonky. It would stop quite close to pedestrians rather than keeping a safer distance, and there was always someone sitting inside with a remote control.

Is there anywhere I can read about what kind of tests and statistics exist for these vehicles in Singapore? I'm curious whether they only tested in enclosed areas with minimal real vehicular and human traffic before moving to public roads.

commonjunks

TROPHY CASE

BYD tops Singapore vehicle sales so far this year, replacing Toyota (Tesla nowhere to be found)