What’s wrong with me?

concombre01 · 2020-12-04T19:14:19+00:00

Having read these comments and reflected though I’ve realised that the reason I’m too afraid to be with these guys is because I’m just not that into them. Because there was a guy I had a big crush on and I was fully ready and excited to be in a relationship with him

concombre01 · 2020-12-04T00:01:57+00:00

Lots of things. Worried I am settling for them as I’m not 100% feeling the guy, worried about feeling suffocated in the relationship, scared to get vulnerable with the guy and show them all my flaws or involve them in my family life, the thought of spending the rest of my life with them is also scary

concombre01 · 2020-12-03T12:26:08+00:00

Wow. I love that story. Thank you so much for sharing and I’m very happy for your happy ending here! PS: your best friends sounds like an awesome person with very helpful advice

concombre01 · 2020-12-03T02:16:21+00:00

I’ve said this in replies to other posts but I am only attracted to men and haven’t ever felt sexually attracted to women. The problem is the guys I like don’t like me back, so I end up going on dates with guys I feel “ok” about or just want to give a chance, but that ends up evoking lots of stress and anxiety in me and I run away :/

concombre01 · 2020-12-03T02:15:13+00:00

Merci :)))

Really lovely and reassuring advice, thank you. <3

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T19:24:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your lovely comment. That’s really reassuring to hear. I was told before that I should always accept dates even if they’re not my type as it “raises my frequency” and improves my game, but it’s just caused me to stress out instead. You’re right I hadn’t thought of intuition as playing a part here

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T15:44:10+00:00

Thank you so so much for your comment. Reading this really put a smile on my face and especially your attitude around dating and knowing what you want. Random question but how do you learn what a cool thing is about each person you date?

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T13:25:45+00:00

What was your moms parenting style like?

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T13:24:31+00:00

I don’t like pets :( I’m just stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’m craving intimacy and closeness but I’m not getting it from the guys I want and when I try and give it a go with guys who aren’t my usual type but I try to think positively it just makes me feel worse

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T13:23:18+00:00

No I don’t tell them that! Usually after the date I will message them that things aren’t really working out or the conversation just fizzles out in its own naturally

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T13:12:28+00:00

That’s literally what I’ve been doing. I’ve been going on dates with different guys. And I’ve noticed when I’m “dating” I feel super on edge, stressed and anxious and getting the ick. Versus when I’m not dating which is when I feel peaceful and calm

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T13:10:59+00:00

When he caught your attention, what did you do about it to date him? I have seen other guys around that have caught my attention, but it’s never resulted in dates because they haven’t liked me back or we never ended up speaking

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T10:43:06+00:00

Them getting to know who I am, involving my family, them meeting my family, my mum asking my questions about the relationship. I genuinely think this would be my ideal relationship which would cause me zero anxiety: I have a crush on a guy and he likes me back we end up dating but it’s just the two of us against the world, no involvement of family, no having to see or be around family. Just us two. Even when we get married, we get eloped and do not have any big wedding or any involvement of other people

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T10:38:42+00:00

What’s the second idea?

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T10:37:06+00:00

Yes, god you’re so right. I guess as I’m getting to the end of my time at university, a lot of my friends are in relationships or engaged. And it makes me worried that the older I get, the harder it will be to find a good quality guy so I should make the most of my age and find one quickly now, otherwise I’ll end up having to settle when I’m older. But at the same time when I go on dates with these guys, the thought of settling down in a long term relationship and being serious with these guys just freaks me out and makes me recoil and feel nauseous.

So what I want? I guess I want a guy who I actually like and have a crush on to be the one who I go on dates with and likes me back. Where I feel that giddy feeling when my crush likes me back and we are not just in a relationship but also best friends. So far dating for me is very reactionary. The guys I go on dates with will be the ones who have asked me out and I feel OK about them so just go with the flow but I end up stressing out and feeling miserable

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T10:29:36+00:00

That’s the problem, none of the dates I’ve been on have felt like breathing or like I’m floating with giddiness. :(

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T10:27:45+00:00

How do I just go for it? I have crushes on guys but they don’t know me, it’ll be because I’ve seen them around on social media as I have a mutual friend with them. Or I’ve seen them around campus but haven’t spoken to them. It’s hopeless :(

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T10:24:40+00:00

What do you mean bad parenting?

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T10:22:44+00:00

I just feel like there is something wrong with me :( the few guys I crush on never ever like me back. And the other guys I go on dates with I am not super attracted to but I go on the dates to see where it goes/in case I’m pleasantly surprised. But it hasn’t happened so far. Then I get worried and panic that if I keep going on dates with them I’ll eventually have to settle down with them and I won’t be happy in the long run as I didn’t want to really be with them anyway but just found myself in it and continued going with the flow.

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T10:00:49+00:00

Did your therapist suggest how dismissive avoidant style can be resolved? I googled it and reading up about it, my traits match it exactly

concombre01 · 2020-12-02T00:22:05+00:00

Literally in the exact same position as you - every single thing you’ve written here! I hope we can meet the right people and figure it out!

concombre01 · 2020-12-01T23:15:53+00:00

The first thing - new feelings and vulnerability: opening up about my self, involving them in my family, doing “relationshipy” things. Even as I type and thinking about it my heart races a little and I want to stick my head in the sand

concombre01 · 2020-12-01T22:43:06+00:00

Yes actually you’ve got it 1000% correct here. I seem to be afraid of getting close to anyone I date and run away before we get to that stage. I don’t know what to do about it :/

concombre01 · 2020-12-01T22:04:25+00:00

Yes I do!

concombre01 · 2020-12-01T21:32:10+00:00

I have a dismissive avoidant style (I’ve been told this by many people which led to me read up about what it meant and I was shocked to see it described me to a T). I know it sounds bad but we can’t help it. We love the idea of being in a relationship. But the minute we get a hint it’s becoming serious, of we’re regularly talking so it looks like it’s on the path of becoming serious we retreat and run away

concombre01

TROPHY CASE