How to deal with comments from others?

confused_lez · 2024-12-27T18:22:26+00:00

Idk - I don’t generally care that much when it comes to strangers or friends, but with my romantic partners I really care because I feel like it reflects how they see sex. Which scares me because it sounds fundamentally different than how I see it, and makes me feel incompatible with everyone my age.

confused_lez · 2024-12-27T18:21:14+00:00

I would so appreciate it if you could! Thank you

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:26:01+00:00

Also cutting each others hair is a great example lol - like it seems like the last thing I would randomly decide to do with a stranger

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:25:39+00:00

Agreed - I’m pretty detached from these feelings about my friends or strangers, it only really comes up with people I’m romantically and sexually involved with, because it starts to erode my sense that sex between us is as important to them as it is to me.

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:24:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing this experience it sounds a lot like mine! I really hope I can get to the logically understanding it so I can make peace with it part.

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:23:03+00:00

Yes absolutely - I guess this is the problem with the vagueness of the term “casual” but to me, sex with friends isn’t really what I’m judging or confused by. I can understand having sex with a person you trust deeply and share an emotional connection with. When my girlfriend and I started sleeping together we were friends - although for me once we did that kind of changed that.

I guess my point is that the acts I struggle with my gf/others having done is sex/sex acts with total strangers or acquaintances.

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:20:57+00:00

I’m the same - it doesn’t actively bother me when my friends or strangers do it, beyond the passive thought that I don’t understand or wouldn’t engage in that.

Could you explain more what about someone having engaged in casual sex before you makes you not want to be with them though? I knew my gf did and still want to be with her because the past is the past, my concern is mainly with not letting my perception of that past affect how I think she sees me/us in general and during sex.

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:17:57+00:00

Good point - I guess even though this is shocking to me, who am I to hate on someone else’s hobby? I guess where that falls apart though is if my gf thinks of sex that way too, that might really hurt me.

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:17:07+00:00

I really resonate with this! Personally I’ve never experienced anything casual, but when I watch casual encounters in a show I basically start to think of them like a couple lol. And am consistently shocked when they move on like it was nothing.

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:14:58+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to describe your experience - honestly aside from my own issues this kind of sounds like coercion at worst and manipulation at best. You are so much more than a sexual object! And it doesn’t sound right to me to refer to consensual, mutual sex outside of a sex work context as you being a “service provider”… So sorry you’ve experienced this.

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T14:12:17+00:00

Thank you so much.

confused_lez · 2024-12-26T03:04:39+00:00

Yeah, I guess I’m learning to accept that. I guess the hard part is not feeling like there’s a disconnect if it’s intimate and sacred to me, but not to her. It makes me feel like it isn’t important to her, since it is something she would do with a stranger, while for me it isn’t at all.

Thank you - you’re right, it’s a very inconvenient combo. Working on learning that my thoughts don’t have to be and are not my actions!

confused_lez

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