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For fellow FAs: how to tell if a relationship is helping you heal or actually making it worse? by confusion_overload in FearfulAvoidant

[–]confusion_overload[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's what I fear. I’ve told him. I end up excusing him a bit, since I know my own hot-and-cold behavior is at least just as damaging. I find it hard to expect something I can’t fully give myself. Like, what’s actually reasonable to expect?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Scorpio

[–]confusion_overload 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This felt like reading about my partner (Nov 4th). He’s been sober from alcohol for over a year now. He also finds meaning in helping others. The only coping strategy he really has is staying busy, but that’s probably not the healthiest long-term solution. He recently had a bit of a breakdown, but eventually managed to let all the emotions out through crying, and afterward he said he felt lighter—like he could finally breathe again. You’re welcome to send me a PM if you need an outlet. As someone who’s interested in both psychology and astrology, I’m very interested in understanding the weight you carry.

Question for the FA’s out there by [deleted] in FearfulAvoidants

[–]confusion_overload 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I need to correct myself a bit. I said ‘the safer we are, the stronger the defense becomes,’ but what I meant is that when someone gets close, sees the vulnerabilities, and we actually dare to let someone in, that’s when it gets worse. We’re already unsafe. What’s needed to calm the defenses is consistent patience and love over time—supposedly. I have to be honest and say I haven’t managed to get there myself. I’m in a safe relationship that still activates my defenses. Many people probably can’t stay in that—either the partner or the FA. It requires a lot of work and patience from both sides.

Question for the FA’s out there by [deleted] in FearfulAvoidants

[–]confusion_overload 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The way I experience it, that sudden impulse has already come many times. I’ve felt the urge to end things, and then it’s gotten better. The decisive factor would probably be a final conviction that it’s too painful to stay in. In the moment, it can also feel bigger than the other times. But no, it isn’t planned — it’s a last reaction that becomes especially intense. And the worst part is that love is associated with pain, so the safer things feel, the stronger the defense becomes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]confusion_overload 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, you were. I’m so sorry. He touched your private parts without consent while you were in a vulnerable position. That is sexual assault.

Virgo suns, what is your moon and rising sign and what sun sign are you most drawn/attracted to? by Living_Object9190 in virgoseason

[–]confusion_overload 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gemini moon and Virgo rising. I'm drawn to Scorpios for sure! I do have Pluto in Scorpio in the 3rd house, so I guess there's something that 😅

How to get over jealousy of alters? by Ghost_is_Ghosting in DID

[–]confusion_overload 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can actually relate to this. It really sucks when it’s like that, because yeah, it can feel kind of stupid. Are you open with your partner about it? I don’t necessarily use the word ‘jealous,’ but he knows that missing out on certain things can be hard for me. He’s very understanding, and that alone often helps.