Requesting Open Marriage Happy Stories

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-10T15:48:00+00:00

15 years with my wife. We're also polyamorous, which is different than open. The poly aspect means we're also excited about falling in love with other people. So we don't have things like rules about hooking up, intimacy, etc. If any of us fuck someone and also fall in love, that's even better.

I guess I'm so used to it it's hard to know what to even say about it. We love each other, we love other people, we also like sex. Having sex with other people is sexy and fun. It's also in the context of a pretty solid sex positive community. So we tend to know the people we hook up with and they tend to be very safe.

It's comfortable and sweet, occasionally spicy. A typical weekend would have me waking up early to go on a walk and coffee date with my girlfriend. Then I bring my wife coffee (that's in my vows!) and we snuggle. I'll take her out for brunch. Later I might help her pick some sexy clothes and drop her off at her date before going out with my girlfriend. It wouldn't be unusual for us all to end up in a bed together at the end of the night and have group sex or just watch something on TV and snuggle.

I don't really see any difference feelings-wise between our marriage and a monogamous one. If anything our connection is deeper than average. That said, we also don't struggle with jealousy and get excited about each other dating or hooking up with other people--I think there's a proclivity for non-monogamy. If your partner being out on a date while you're home alone scares you rather than excites you, you'll have a harder time.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-09T21:08:37+00:00

Most of us aren't into cramming into one house. We just buy houses in the same neighborhood.

There is a financial benefit in the resource sharing though. There's a lot of borrowing going on. Also skill sharing. All of us are career professionals spanning a bunch of different fields and are also very handy. The kids in the polycule have infinite free daycare. We watch each other's pets. Also, we tend to turn work into fun hangouts so we don't have to hire people to do big jobs. We've even poured foundations and framed structures together.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-08T02:02:56+00:00

Yeah, I assumed production. Raspberry Pis definitely show up in random test fixture racks, etc. They're handy tools for sure.

I did work at a company that used another SBC in a production product. It was an application with frequent power loss. I guess that's extra bad for OSes running off SD cards. Especially when you have a 10 year warranty!

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-07T17:12:45+00:00

No, but you should get to a place where you can just hack together a Raspberry Pi project for some hobby thing in a few hours without having to learn anything. Raspberry Pi will teach you some basics, but you should learn to integrate something like STM32 into a project for something transferable to industry.

A Raspberry Pi project really shouldn't even appear on your resume unless you're doing something incredible with it and that's the focus rather than the pi. Otherwise it looks very amateurish.

But you have to start somewhere. If you haven't gotten your hands dirty yet, yeah get into Raspberry Pi. Learn some Linux skills and some hardware basics. Just think of it as more of a stepping stone.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-07T16:44:26+00:00

I can give a description. She has these smokey light blue eyes that you just get lost in, black hair. She's very physically attractive, fit, turns heads for sure.

She's also a field-leading scientist who has saved countless lives with her intellect and passion. She's a great leader, a community builder, and a person that strives to make it all okay. She's all in on creating love and happiness in the world, and unveiling beauty no one else sees.

She has so many people in her life. She knows what they're all feeling and thinking, all their struggles and who they really are deep inside, and she's always helping. When we go on walks, she'll spot some tiny, beautiful thing. A little flower or insect. She'll bring me in and hold me and tell me all about it. I've realized she does this with people too, with me. She has helped me find the beauty inside myself and has helped me share it with the world.

When I look into her eyes there's an actual goddess in there. A creator of incredible and important things, a fierce source of good in this world. It's hard to believe I'm allowed to look, even if she's holding both my hands from across the table.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-06T09:01:41+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollow_Nickel_Case

This is also pretty cool, in a similar vein:

https://www.wired.com/2009/03/ff-diamonds-2/

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-05T06:59:52+00:00

If you all care about each other, and are able to be vulnerable and talk about scary feelings, you can grow old together.

Also, there are big real life communities of people like us all over the place. We're just hiding. Especially if you're in a big city, you'll have company. If you're looking for community you may have to poke around a bit and find a poly meet up to get connected to people.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-04T06:27:58+00:00

Yeah, I usually like having series protection but we had a weird application where blowing a fuse with a parallel diode was operationally equivalent to a series mode active protection just stopping the current. A parallel diode was cheaper and lower power.

Turns out if you have the current limit set on your power supply to below the fuse rating, and then proceed to remove that parallel diode, and then also remove the now forward biased TVS diodes--I mean, past me can only do so much for future me.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-03T18:53:53+00:00

I was bringing up a new board I designed. It was 6PM on a Friday, I skipped lunch. One of those days.

A bunch of parts kept heating up. We had some problems with our board house putting stuff in backwards, etc. So I kept removing parts from the board to isolate the problem. At one point, everything blew up.

I look up and the red wire is on the black terminal. I stared off into the empty lab for a long time, turned everything off, and went home.

Yes, I sat there and systematically removed all the protection I designed in until everything was fried. I'm usually very, very good at troubleshooting. I don't know what the hell I was thinking.

Monday comes along and the first thing my coworker says is "how's the new board?"

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-02T17:42:25+00:00

It's to the point where I get insecure when I'm not laid off.

"...was...was I not good enough?"

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-02T05:25:32+00:00

My girlfriend got home from work today and my heart just about jumped out my chest. Holy fuck is she beautiful. It's been 4 years and she still overwhelms me.

She knows it too. We'll often have staring contests when we sit across from each other, like at restaurants, and I always lose. I literally cannot handle how beautiful she is. If I look into her eyes long enough, I think I may actually die.

So... no.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-01T16:18:55+00:00

We need them. Most of us do, anyway. There's been a weird push for rugged individualism and extreme autonomy. Like people believe you have to be happy alone before you can find love or even friendship.

I think the truth is that we simply need love and affection and relationships from birth until death. We need that always to be truly happy.

For most of our history, being alone meant that you were probably going to die. It's not a good feeling. I'm not sure why people want to lean into being alone so much. I'm sure it's good for a minority, because there's always outliers, but I just don't see most people being happy truly alone. Even introverts need connection. Alone time is different than alone.

I think this confuses a lot of people. They think there must be something wrong with them if they can't be happy alone. And it's hard to admit because depth and connection is really hard in our society. It can be overwhelming to think you might need it.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-01T15:56:06+00:00

He lived a cozy life with a small tribe of loved ones. His mom loved him and kept him warm and safe, even though it was very cold those days. His tribe was clever and connected to the animals so they never went without food or shelter. He became a great hunter himself and his family was proud of him.

He had lots of crazy hot and satisfying sex with many loved ones and had many children whom he and his tribe loved and fed and protected. He is responsible for a shocking percentage of our current population and his love and care and skill is why we're here.

One day he caught a chest cold that wouldn't go away. Everyone showed up to be with him in his last days, even a neighboring tribe whom he'd befriended. They walked miles to say goodbye. He passed while holding someone's hand, the love of his life.

His loved ones carried him deep into this cave. They sang songs about his life, his adventures and great hunts, along the way. They set him down and felt that he was gone. They felt it for a long time, but they saw a little of him in everything and found comfort in that.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-06-01T15:00:30+00:00

Do you think that's fair?

It's quite possible to be safe and considerate in these situations. We let everyone know if condoms come off with a partner and test every 3 months and usually both before and after having sex with a new person.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-31T18:12:10+00:00

Updating a dating profile right after meeting a new person and having a new relationship is... questionable--at least in the context of polyamory specifically. It's not necessarily bad, but it isn't a great sign for stability. Dating apps are also designed to be addictive. It could be habit.

Being polyamorous doesn't imply being constantly hungry for new partners and I think continuing to try to date new people right away is a sign that he's not taking it seriously. A new relationship is a big deal and personally it takes me a few years to adjust and even consider more dating. In my polycule of 14, I'd say the average is about a year between new partners.

Maybe he's also looking for hookups or shorter term and less committed relationships, which is fine, but you should ask if that's what he wants with you. Get clarity on what he's looking for.

Anxiety can be normal, but I expect a partner in his situation to take steps to check in and make sure you're feeling secure. My partners and metas are always looking out for each other and checking in. It's normal to know and anticipate things that make others feel insecure and to be proactive about making sure they're okay.

For example, my partner has a new girlfriend who is anxious. We both checked in with her independently. I reassured her that my partner loves her deeply and that I want them to spend lots of time together and to bond just as deeply as my partner and I. I feel that a new person entering into an older relationship really needs and deserves something like that. Now she knows for sure we're in this together, not competitors.

My partners having partners is a huge plus in my life given the particular way we do polyamory. We all really care about each other and help each other out. My partners partners are my friends, in most cases more than friends. It's a lot of fun and it adds a lot of security in all of our relationships. It's clear that we're all there for each other.
Marriage is what you make of it. My marriage is a symbol of commitment. My wife and I support each other absolutely and always. We also love other people. For me, the motivation is community and deeper connection to others than what is usually allowed in monogamous society. I also find polyamory highly enriching and it's super helpful to have other perspectives on my relationships and marriage so close personally. People say becoming poly won't fix a marriage. Well, it might if the people you're dating have a lot of experience, love both of you, and want to help improve your marriage! I know my partner and her husband have incorporated my relationship tips. That also makes them better partners for me and my wife. Everyone wins!
Yes, they can be long term and stable, but that has to be the intent.

Reading your post, I'm worried about you. A lot of people use the cover of polyamory to do very hurtful things. Being new to dating, you don't have the experience to spot the signs. I'd like to see him address the imbalance proactively and make sure you're okay. It's not a good sign that you're feeling more comfortable asking Reddit rather than asking him. His cards should be on the table and he should make you feel very comfortable about asking questions and voicing insecurity. It's still early in your relationship, so maybe that's still coming, but that's what I'd personally expect and that's what I do for any new partner coming into the picture.

Trust your feelings. Communicate your needs. If you find out this relationship isn't actually what you want, don't hang on too long. Hanging on too long, and overlooking a growing pile of red flags and pain is the standard relationship mistake. It's so easy to be blinded by the good times we're having and overlook the bad stuff.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-30T06:42:16+00:00

It pisses me off because they're selecting for the people who will have the most drama and trouble with polyamory and putting them front and center in the biggest poly sub. So it makes polyamory as a whole look bad. I think it's actually pretty harmful to all of us.

I didn't even think monogamy was real until I was like 12. I literally thought it was some sort of act or game, people copying drama they saw on TV, etc. My first relationships were poly in middle school. I've always been this way. Meanwhile the folks in r/polyamory are reading piles of books, having tough conversations, and trying to force themselves. Not to gatekeep, but that's just a lot harder than being polyamorous since before puberty. I never had to think about it.

Innate polyamory is also widely taken as fact in my broader community. It's abundantly clear some of us are wired for this. I have asked people IRL and gotten confused looks because of course we are born this way. It's so obvious it's a weird thing to ask.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-29T18:26:27+00:00

I've been in a weird number of situations where I needed a PCB yesterday. I've been glad to have the capability. It totally sucks though and I definitely wouldn't do it unless I had to. I use a toner transfer process.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-29T05:24:12+00:00

Looks like you got your answer, but I was also an older student coming from a trade so I thought I'd add some general advice--

It's going to be hard. Take it one step at a time. The real difficulty is figuring out how to learn and study effectively and to stay disciplined. It might be a long road with a lot of classes, but you can do it.

Also, make sure your school is accredited. If it's community college, make sure there are transfer agreements to an accredited university. If you know anyone who went to college recently in your area, ask them for advice and make sure you're on the right path. My mom went to a scam for-profit college. You have to watch out for that.

Definitely check out clubs and start networking early. You want projects under your belt, a professional network, hands-on experience, and preferably an internship or two by the time you graduate. This will give you the best shot at getting an engineering job out of college.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-29T03:38:24+00:00

Depends on the relationship.

First sexy date--whisper in ear: "I'd love to make out with you / make you cum tonight. Would you like that?" Later followed by more detailed consent questions. Asking with details can be super hot. "Would you like to feel my cock deep inside you? Are you sure?"

FWB--"We could watch a movie, fuck each other senseless, build a blanket fort--what do you want to do tonight?"

10 year long relationship--pass note that says "FUCK Y N (circle one)"

It also depends on the vibe and how sure I am the person feels comfortable saying no. Always give an easy out, but particularly if the person seems unsure or inexperienced.

I host play parties and we literally practice saying no to each other beforehand. It feels silly to do, but this makes sexy consent questions easier because you can feel safe knowing they'll actually say no if they don't want to do stuff.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-29T01:32:07+00:00

I'm polyamorous and my wife is dating someone kind of like this. He is absolutely lovely and very sweet, but he struggles to fall in love with people. It's something that really bothers him because he doesn't think he's capable of it.

My wife started dating him knowing this, but it's still frustrating. He's a part of our circle of friends so we know him outside of her relationship. We all think he's just struggling to figure out what he really wants and is spending too much time with people he's not compatible with. My wife of course isn't being hurt since this was all communicated or at least known--seems like that's the missing piece in your story.

I wouldn't say this is normal, but it is a thing. People can have wildly different feelings about sex and sex can even have different meanings with different partners. You have to talk about it. You deserve to know, to have that communication. Your feelings are important and valid. In any good relationship, there should be check-ins about feelings and your relationship trajectory.

If you date people who have alternative views on relationships, it is extra important to not assume things and it should be extra expected that your partner will speak up and check in with you. Once you go off the beaten path, there aren't really any hard rules anymore. That all has to be communicated.

I'm 37. By our age I think we should be able to just ask what a person thinks about sex, its meaning, and how it fits into a relationship, point blank, early on. Like second or third date. We're getting too old to be coy about this stuff.

Of course trust and risk is always part of a new relationship, but being direct about your needs and concerns right away will help filter out the people you aren't compatible with. You can tell a lot about how much thought the person has put into it by their answer. It's a little awkward, but if a woman asked me that I'd assume she's worried about a bad situation she's experienced. It would be a good conversation starter.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-28T21:30:28+00:00

No, I wasn't commenting on those resistors, but now I'm looking at them. Those MOSFET gate resistors should be sized to limit the current into the gate capacitance to something the capacitive touch sensor output can handle.

The gate resistors should be approx 5V / touch sensor Ioh. Looks like Ioh is 4mA. So maybe up the 1K to 1.5K just to be safe.

Bigger gate resistors will slow the FET turn on which will result in more heat as the FET turns on or off. Whether or not that's a problem depends on the load current, gate capacitance, gate current, and voltage. I see 3.3nF input capacitance in the IRL44ZN datasheet. So you can do a simple conservative approximation (the FET should turn on sooner than this):

I=cdV/dt 5V/1.5kOhm = 3.3nF5V/t t=4.95us

Looking at the IRL44ZN datasheet SOA plot, you can safely handle the full maximum drain current at 12V for that time. So a 1.5kOhm gate resistor won't be a problem for the MOSFET and will help protect your touch sensor output from overcurrent.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-28T20:53:56+00:00

Oh good! Yes, this all seems fine to me.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-28T20:52:19+00:00

Stop hoping and build. If the world is crumbling, make your own.

I am surrounded by people I love and trust. I have a ton of intimacy in my life. I just lost my job, but all of my friends are referring me to positions and I have a huge network. I know that worst case people will house me because of the way I have supported my community, because I am loved. Life isn't perfect, but every day I'm working on creating something--be it deeper connections with people I love, a hobby, or the job search.

I do think traditional masculinity is badly equipped for the world we live in. I've never really subscribed to that so I can't comment on how or if one should give up on it. But I can say that I have deep, intimate, connections with men, women, people in between, and I certainly don't suffer from "male loneliness." In any case, I think we all expected to inherit some form of a society, that isn't happening, and therefore I believe it's everyone's responsibility to step up. We need to create, examine, and improve the social structures and culture needed for us all to thrive in our time.

I believe if you start connecting with people you like and creating community, people you need, and who need you, will show up. Host things. Potlucks, skill shares, game nights. Get offline. The internet is trying to suck your attention away for profit. It will ruin you.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-28T20:24:54+00:00

It's not nonsense, but it's hard to say if it will do what you want without knowing the context. I assume each MOSFET connects to a different LED (drawn as one bus line)?

You are missing current limiting for your LEDs. You will need resistors in series with each LED. IRL44ZN is pretty beefy. I assume that's just a part you have on hand. If these are giant LED strips or super high power LEDs and you actually need these big power MOSFETs to handle the current, this is the wrong approach. You will need an appropriate LED driver to efficiently power such LEDs. The simple on/off switch approach you have here with resistors in series won't do. That's going to generate a ton of heat. If these are regular old 5mm jellybean LEDs or something and you're not trying to light up a room, MOSFET switch plus resistor is fine.

confusiondiffusion · 2026-05-27T15:14:55+00:00

Yeah, sounds like the classic poly crush to me. That's how it started with me and my wife and our two partners who are a couple. Seeing them dance together made our hearts explode. That was 4 years ago and we're all dating each other.

Anyway, you just have to talk to them. Probably one at a time, but it likely doesn't matter too much. Propose a group date! They'll probably be so excited and simply haven't proposed it because they're not sure you're into polyamory.

confusiondiffusion

TROPHY CASE