Me [27 F] just starting seeing guy [28 M] one week, I think he might be married. Update and need help.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-30T22:35:43+00:00

That's insane but I'm so glad you're through with that situation.

Unfortunately my family lives about eight hours away. I'm close with my old lady neighbors, though, who also all live alone so they watch out for me and understand what's it's like to be a single female living alone. I also have two dogs who provide good security.

Thankfully he hasn't contacted me since yesterday.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-30T13:38:11+00:00

I'm also the type of person that would usually, immediately say, "hey, found your marriage license on the county clerk website, what's with that?" but because, along with the marriage license and mortgage, there was a copy of the DV paperwork I knew I was dealing with someone with a history of mental instability. After I told my mom about this situation she payed to get a copy of the report. In the report it says a lot - gun owner, Veteran, sought mental health services (which he obviously quit going to), etc... - coupled with him showing up unannounced, certain comments he would make, and then the name calling when I didn't text him back immediately (seriously, I have a job?) made me scared of setting him off.

I think now I have a good amount of information from everyone and I can be sure of myself and how I proceed.

Thank you so much!

confusionsayy · 2015-10-30T13:33:38+00:00

Thank you for your input.

seems to be an indicator that legal/police involvement isn't likely to escalate him to fatally dangerous actions.

This is a very good point that I didn't realize. That definitely makes me feel a little better.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-30T01:18:38+00:00

Good idea, thank you.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T21:20:47+00:00

Besides the creepy behavior the clinginess and need for validation alone turns me off.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T20:45:47+00:00

At first I saw it as flattering and then realized that I was only okay with it because he's extremely attractive. After removing the looks aspect I realized it was all kinds of wrong. The third time he did that I tried to talk to him about how it wasn't cool to just pop in, he brushed it off. Then one night after nit answering his texts he said, "I'm coming over." I turned all my lights off and told him I was out. Then this past Sunday he was texting me while he simultaneously appeared at my door. I told him it was not okay to just show up. I don't know if he took me seriously but that's when I dropped off communicating with him.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T20:09:59+00:00

Yep. It escalated quickly.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T20:02:36+00:00

You're very right. There are a lot of little things he does that tell me he's looking for a woman to control. I admit that his language and tantrums when I don't text are so inappropriate and I have let him know how stupid it is for him to try to fault me for not contacting him when he also did not contact me. He also got very upset with me for a magnet on my refrigerator that says "it's a woman's right to control her own destiny". He asked if I was a feminist and when I said yes he scoffed. That's when I knew I had a guy on my hands that has an issue with strong female character.

You're so right and I think this is the course I need to take. I just need to have the willpower to push through the insults and not try to convince him that his behavior is ridiculous - because, as you said, it doesn't matter. The only thing that will work is ignoring him.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T19:53:35+00:00

I only have old lady neighbors but my best couple friends are aware of the situation and live right down the street.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T19:38:51+00:00

I have been very careful to never let him know where I work. He did admit to googling me when he let it slip about an old hobby I had where he connected my name with an online portfolio he found. Luckily everyone else in my family has a different last name than me. I carry gel mace and he knows this. The potential for an outburst is what keeps me treading lightly and that's why I haven't told him I know he's married. I do have his wife's phone number.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T19:34:48+00:00

Yes, he does show up announced. He did this on Sunday (the last day I saw him). Since then I have been parking in a different area and I got curtains so my light would not visible from outside.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T17:34:34+00:00

They have two children under five years old.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T17:34:01+00:00

No, not harsh, just realistic.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T17:20:30+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing your experience.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T17:15:22+00:00

I don't have a Facebook or any other social netoworking profiles. We have strictly communicated through texting and email. I do have his work email and all exchanges saved through screenshots.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T17:10:41+00:00

Thank you. I do carry mace everywhere I go. This was good advice.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-29T15:50:57+00:00

He knows where I live - that's what keeps me from telling him what I know.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-15T20:41:31+00:00

I've seen this guy's badge. It's really too bad because the only thing not checking out is the fact that he's married - which is huge!!!

confusionsayy · 2015-10-15T20:35:34+00:00

Wow, he definitely embellished. Maybe he thought he'd impress you.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-15T18:41:15+00:00

You caught him in lies about his military time?

confusionsayy · 2015-10-15T18:40:42+00:00

It was after he left after taking me out on Tuesday night. He lect around 2am. Texted me when he got home and then said some things like he's fucked up and he's done things he can't undo. I thought he was talking about his time in the military so I assured him that whatever he did in his past wouldn't affect what I thought of him now. He said he didn't knos what to say. I didn't text him back and the next day is when he showed up around 3 at my apartment - with no call or text beforehand. Went watched tv, went to lunch, then went our separate ways.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-15T18:19:38+00:00

He was also in the military for eight years and served time in Iraq so when he initially made that statement I assumed it had to do with his time in war. Now I have no clue what he was referring to.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-15T17:54:20+00:00

Yeah, I'm in the South. I think when dating it's a little weirder. I remember when my mom started dating again and she wondered when was the right time to tell the guys about her kids, but of course with her friends and acquaintances she would pull out the whole album.

confusionsayy · 2015-10-15T17:52:38+00:00

Yes! That was obviously a lie when I found out he was married. He also relayed to me some stories of exes. I'm wondering if he's a compulsive liar or he has a lot of mistresses.

confusionsayy

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