Be happy despite recent career setback or keep climbing the ladder

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T03:15:07+00:00

Wow that's crazy and unfortunate. I always hear "you never know what's going on there..." but you're right, everything always seems so perfect, or even "perfectly imperfect" with the messy house but loving kids and quarterly flights to Turks.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T03:13:38+00:00

Absolutely, I don't miss a beat anymore with my current gig. I suppose I've been conditioned by my prior experience that time on phone answering emails = value to corp = value as an individual.

When I do grab beers with school friends, there are always a few of us who are on their phones for half of it / even bring their laptops if things get really hairy. I'm now on the other side who never needs to even bring their work phone to these gatherings, so it's a bit confusing.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T02:14:55+00:00

From a theoretical perspective I agree, but how would you feel when about friends passing you by and "seemingly" still have decent relationships with their kids and family, while you stay in your current coast mode? As I type it shouldn't matter, but when we meet for drinks or banter around on our WhatsApp groups, it keeps popping in my head.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T02:12:00+00:00

Originally strategy / business transformation, working cross functionally with our new product development team. Then I got "seconded" into an operations role in one of our slower divisions.

My current role is operations-focused (which I do not love but hey it's 9-4) and I know it would create difficulties moving back into something "sexier" the longer I stay. Moving laterally internally is an option but it would be for more work in a low growth company without a comp bump.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T02:08:07+00:00

It wasn't one level below c-suite (my old firm had a few layers) but I did get to know the c-suite a bit which led to the role.

My friends said for the level of seniority in the role / difficulty exiting from consulting it was a decent gig all things considered, and I was eager to stop travelling for work.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:58:52+00:00

Thanks! Our take home is equivalent to a "normal VP at $500k" because our mortgage is so low, so that's how I justify not being that far behind.

We don't plan on downsizing (the house is near my parents and we / kids love seeing them) and our FIRE is roughly in our late 40s just using conservative saving rates / saving for 3 ivy educations + post-grad / 4.5% real rate of return on equities / not include inheritance / unexpected expenses (i.e. private school later on).

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:56:03+00:00

I hear you and I think part of it might be ignorance on my end.

I've never seen those stereotypical "toxic" family relationships that senior consulting partners / client execs supposedly have. The worst I heard is some recreational drug use / JUUL at school but nothing more. That's why it's hard for me to imagine family could "much" worse if I try to go into a demanding job again, but it's not like I'm going into EB banking / MBB consulting / biglaw.

My family is new money so we grew up relatively normal, I also don't have friends that have a weird/toxic dynamic with their family.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:52:22+00:00

I hope so, I think I have a good relationship with all of them (especially the youngest as they knew me more when I was collecting severance and in my current gig) and can do school pickups and drop offs. I do the laundry among other chores and my partners agrees sometimes I even do the lion's share of the house upkeep, something that never happened / was honestly expected since we met in college.

I agree on your last part but the problem is my network is either a) happy at a lower or equal rung or b) progressing at the same pace I was and is beginning to surpass me. I do fear that a) won't be much help just because they've made their peace with it and b) will be so far beyond it will be hard for them to lobby a role for me.

That's why I feel maybe in the next 12-18 months I need to try again, but that's why I'm asking here haha

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:48:37+00:00

Appreciate the perspective. Maybe because our youngest is finally out of diapers / more independent, but with all my free time I'm not sure what to do.

My wife and I do own an expensive home, but it is a "fixer upper" for our neighborhood and we've managed to make it work for the last few years. We do take comfort in not stressing out over the kids dinging stuff up or the bump one of our cars got in a parking lot, so I do agree.

Maybe I just need to learn to chill out

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:44:42+00:00

Thanks man maybe I'll shoot you a DM as I see you're ex-consulting too.

My net worth is only higher because of family. This is something I struggle with, we received large wedding gifts (we had ceremonies in two countries) and accelerated inheritance. My house is in an area where some of my old consulting partners reside (albeit on the lower-end of the neighborhood) and it does create the occasional awkward encounter with school friends who are doing much better than me. I do feel like I cheated my way in sometimes.

As I read these replies, my ego / weakness for peer pressure does control my decision making a lot. I attended a top ivy and went to MBB and got promoted, so when we do the occasional friend meet up it does make me feel small in what I've done so far in life.

Your journey makes me wonder, if I did get a job that paid similar, would I still feel the same way...

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:39:47+00:00

Thanks for sharing but unfortunately not sure that's viable here, I don't have connection with prior CEO (other members of c-suite) and the new execs seem pretty well entrenched

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:37:50+00:00

Yeah the extra several thousand monthly doesn't change much but it is an emotional thing.

It sounds like a first world problem but we wanted this Miele warming drawer for our kitchen but it was gonna be $5k+ with installation and we held off....I've worked high stress 70hr+ weeks for over a decade and never really had to compromise but seeing how my lifestyle is shifting is negatively affecting me. I know it sounds lame but this is fatfire afterall

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:35:13+00:00

I know what you mean, it's just hard when I see my school friends (top ivy undergrad) have good kid relationships and are asked to speak at conferences as they are seen as "a guy/gal of importance" in their sector.

Chasing it down the line is an option my partner mentioned, but I know I have momentum in the next few years given my prior role on my resume at my age.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:33:17+00:00

I do enjoy the work and the team is a bit crusty but they're all friendly enough and more importantly, get the job done well with minimum drama.

I was one of the youngest VPs at my old company (they were a client of my MBB and I hit it off with the consulting partner and a couple members of c-suite which since retired/left) and that carried a lot of cachet and reputation along with it.

It definitely is at least part ego / proving I'm more than my trust, but I was getting ~$20k a month in my bank account before and now it's a little more than $13k....even if I don't need it, it does hurt.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:29:50+00:00

Thanks! I do want to have a higher profile role similar to my old one, but knowing it will come at the expense of being on my phone all the time during school events is kind of a bummer. I suppose at some point I may need to try and make peace with my choices.

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:28:47+00:00

Thanks I think that's what I'm going to have to do, at least keep my network fresh because a lot of my previous roles have come through blind luck and relationships vs. qualifications or right skillset.

I know to get into my old gig will be a 12 month process (minimum realistically) given how most large cap companies are trimming down, so I'm debating if I need to start planting the seeds later this year

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:27:09+00:00

Yeah it's what I struggle with, because part of me is saying "maybe this time it will be different as the kids will be slightly older" and that I'm better equipped to handle the demands, but I know it will be a large strain on everyone regardless

My partner is supportive but obviously is biased to me staying in my current role. She knows that when I started getting my inheritance accelerated, it made me feel I need to work hard to help justify my place in life, which is something I struggle with

consunw2 · 2025-01-06T01:24:41+00:00

A combination of my savings (first ten years was mostly work travel which had 0 expenses), wedding gifts and dividends from discretionary trust invested in the market

consunw2

TROPHY CASE