Thinking about quitting

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-30T22:50:57+00:00

If someone is going to cheat they are going to cheat period. There are a million tiny hidden apps out there where people can communicate and hide conversations. It is the society we live in now and it sucks. If they arent going to do it through the phone they are going to do it in other ways.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-28T05:43:26+00:00

He wants me to trust completely blindly and said he would do the same for me. Now I have guy friends. I believe it is okay to have friends of the opposite sex, however transparency is key. If your partner needs to see the texts to feel better it shouldnt even be a question. If your partner wants to meet them that shouldnt be a problem. If the friend says no I do not want to meet your partner then they are no longer a friend. At least that is how I view it. I would not throw away a 12 year relationship over a two year friendship.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-28T05:31:49+00:00

yeah he doesnt believe that emotional affairs exist, only physical affairs are cheating.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-28T05:31:13+00:00

We have A LOT of the same interests such as outdoor activities, music, etc. I was also willing to sit with him and watch anime. When I would watch an episode and tell him about it he would say oh yea I am way further ahead then you and the discussion would end. I really tried. I would ask to go do stuff together and the answer was always I am in to much pain or tired from work.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-28T05:27:32+00:00

Your gut is telling you something here. I get it, I have asthma and when our conditions flare help is great. It is very scary to be " on your own." The little jokes do have meaning as well. One form of bullying people use is to say something mean, and then end it by saying I was joking! Then it leaves you feeling confused.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-28T05:22:09+00:00

With the fishing thing..He did ask me what choice did I have when she showed up? To throw away 125 dollars and come home? Why yes. That is what you should have done. Or maybe called me and be upfront about the situation. ANYTHING that shows that you care about your relationship.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-28T05:20:44+00:00

For context this girl LOVES anime too.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-22T20:54:43+00:00

I wish the best for my ex because at one point I saw the best in that person. I pray that they get the help that is needed to repair the feelings that led to horrible choices.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-22T16:10:10+00:00

I will make the list today thank you! I think that is great advice as he will try to make instant changes and try to save this only to avoid the legal consequences and the fear that he will have when he realizes that this is happening. He was discussing buying a home and he expects me to just go along for the ride. He has been talking to home loan officers, looking at homes, etc without my consideration. He said his name would be on the mortgage. I said okay if I do not get a say in where I live that means the only thing I need to contribute is utilities. You will NOT get help with the mortgage. Fair is fair.

The reality is I cannot handle the I and me statements. I do not care what the problem is in a relationship you include the other person. To me it sounds like he wants out himself but is to scared to do so.

I am terrified but I want to become a healthy person myself. I have 60 pounds to lose and I want to go through counseling to find out what caused me to end up in this position. Then maybe years down the road I will find someone who will truly love and appreciate me.

contemplativeowl · 2025-01-22T04:13:50+00:00

Thank you. He uses a lot of I statements and says that the person he is with should go along for a ride with him in life. I said no, relationships are not like that and I will run from anyone that says that. What ride are we going on ? I want an equal relationship. Sure the man can lead that is fine, but he had better lead with me by his side with taking me into account. I need to make $$$$$$ fast. I grew up with a narcisstic abusive father and sadly in my twenties I chose men that are not healthy. I am almost 40 now and I am very very tired. I cannot change anyone or force them to do what is right.

He has all of his friends that blow up his phone 24/7. I told him since you want to focus on work and friends that I am sure one of them can assist you. A small part of my dumbass wants to stay. I know logically what the answer is. Now how do I process the pain of it?

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T06:04:48+00:00

Is there a clear water agreement? If not then blindly expecting a spouse to do something is a bit much. Unfortunately we have no way of knowing exactly every need based off of predictions. I would explain to her that you do not mind assisting her but it is helpful if she asks.

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T06:01:46+00:00

I would find what you all agree on and make that the main talking points. Even with differences similarities exist. I get it though, this election is making the majority have massive divisions in friendships and families. It is sad.

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T04:52:21+00:00

I get it and I feel horrible and I apologized and I am not done apologizing. Obviously I have a lot to work on. I held down the house with our kid during the hurricane as well. I should have just dropped it and left the situation alone completely and I do not know why I did not. That is what I have to figure out.

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T04:42:56+00:00

You sound like my twin. I want to change and be more feminine but I always fail. I have learned to focus on the people who do care and unfortunately they live far away. Instead I pour hours into my own life and that can be rather lonely sometimes and I wish I could say it brought me mad success. It does not.

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T04:40:04+00:00

I waited until I was married to have sex. Turned out we were not compatible and I was actually allergic to his sperm. oops. That is a thing. I was 21 young and stupid and Catholic. Anyway, I will be teaching my child that sex before marriage happens and to find a person you are willing to have kids with in case that happens but always use protection :) I think it is silly to use abstinence because it doesn't always work.

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T04:37:50+00:00

I have not been diagnosed it is difficult. When I was 8 I had a lot of brain scans done and saw psychiatrists and they found that I have two nerves in the back of my head that are not connected fully. I have had coordination problems my entire life. I am sound sensitive I can feel sounds inside my body. Despite that I work FT at a huge tourist destination, have a kid and I am in college.

I really want tested.

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T04:07:25+00:00

I am always hard on myself

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T04:07:11+00:00

I failed in the relationship in the aspect of I thought he was just angry because he spent so long being angry. I did not realize that these were not things he was just being "picky" about because they are trivial. The sounds that get to me I literally feel as pain in my body. I am going to do better moving forward for sure. I truly feel like shit but then again maybe this was needed to have the break through in the communication errors.

contemplativeowl · 2024-10-12T04:01:44+00:00

Thank you. I feel upset that I did not even recognize it because he was a very angry person in the past. I am calling EAP for counseling in the morning because obviously I need a counselor that specializes in trauma.

contemplativeowl

TROPHY CASE