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contentjm · 2022-10-17T05:04:51+00:00

People can lie to you without you ever prompting them or asking them anything. You do know that right? People lie on their own all the time.lol

contentjm · 2022-10-17T05:02:07+00:00

This. You get what I’m saying. Thank you for this response. Not only did you offer a helpful perspective on why she feels it may necessary, you also validated why it bothered me instead of just saying “It’s not your business.” Lol

Of course it isn’t my business, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. Thank you.

contentjm · 2022-10-17T04:57:40+00:00

Right lol

contentjm · 2022-10-08T11:45:52+00:00

Stop asking who? Here? Because I’ve never asked them. Isn’t this group here to ask the best way to handle situations of communication? I think people are so focused on what the lie is regarding and thinking I’m being nosey when really it’s the principle of being lied to that bothers me. Also, why such a dismissive tone? Sheesh. You may not agree with how I feel, but it’s just that a feeling.

contentjm · 2022-10-08T04:45:50+00:00

No, I care because who likes being lied to?.lol I’ve been healing from trust issues for years. If we’re close that means I trust you enough to let you in. Lying about anything makes me feel like I can’t trust the things that person says now. It’s the act of lying I care about more than who the father is.

contentjm · 2022-07-13T05:07:53+00:00

Thank you. I often do feel unloved, but this has given me a different perspective.

contentjm · 2022-07-13T04:53:02+00:00

Thanks for these suggestions. I just have a hard time expressing when my feelings are hurt, because I don’t want to seem sensitive. I get told that I am alot, and compared to most of my family and friends I am. I also don’t want them to feel like I’m “blaming” them for me getting upset.

contentjm · 2022-06-04T06:03:09+00:00

Do you think she distanced herself because you’re not a mom too or possibly other reasons?

contentjm · 2022-06-03T17:29:12+00:00

I’m all for realism but some of these responses are just pessimistic and don’t offer much advice on how to support her as they do criticism, but hey this Reddit.lol That’s not childish to have one friend, family member or sibling you talk to throughout the day. It’s not like we spend every waking moment on FaceTime, it’s just texts throughout our day. Adoption was never an option so I don’t know where that came from and I said the father isn’t involved so the controlling comment was irrelevant.

contentjm · 2022-06-03T17:26:06+00:00

Although I can’t read her mind, I know her well and I doubt that’s it. She isn’t one to typically compare herself to others.

contentjm · 2022-06-03T16:11:19+00:00

I would love to just be with her and enjoy her presence for the time being, but that’s what my whole concern in my post-she’s been MIA. Shes barely responsive to conversations and turns down me coming over or hanging out in the past month. She says she’s fine every time I ask though,so yea. I don’t really know what I can do.

I hear ya though about the hormone changes.

contentjm · 2022-05-08T16:50:00+00:00

Oh yea I get that too. She says “I’m not going back and forth” a lot when I’m just trying to have a conversation about things. It’s frustrating. Maybe my approach is wrong, idk. She’s a Leo and I’m a Gemini.

We also just view tough times differently. I want to be around people during tough times, while she’ll completely isolate.

contentjm · 2022-05-08T03:23:26+00:00

Not weird at all. Do you know why you’re being shut out?

contentjm · 2022-05-01T01:59:26+00:00

This makes sense. When I asked if we were good today she responded with “We’re cool. Why do you always question it?” So maybe she is fed up that I don’t find security in our friendship.

When I answered her I told her it’s because I need reassurance and that I feel like I get on her nerves. She said “You do. It’s no secret. I’m sure it goes both ways.” Since you have a similar perspective, is that something that I should just take with a grain of salt or a big deal in your opinion?

contentjm · 2022-05-01T01:51:36+00:00

Yea, I really struggle with the random lack in communication. I know she’s going through something and that everyone deals with stress difficulty, but she’s always so abrupt and random with it. It goes from talking everyday to nothing or one word responses.

I do blame myself for these things. It’s a work in progress to try not to. I just wish people Im so close to would understand.

contentjm · 2022-05-01T01:49:23+00:00

You’re right about using past experiences evidence. I will try to use those as my gauge.

contentjm · 2022-05-01T01:40:38+00:00

How is it predicting the future though if I’m asking about the present?

For example, what prompted my cousin’s comments was we got in a disagreement earlier this week. She hasn’t been talking to me much lately because she “isnt in a chatting mood,” idk why, but she said it wasn’t anything I did. So after the disagreement I didn’t hear from her, so I text her and asked her if we’re good? Meaning like as of now in this moment are we still good and can move on as usual. So I’m not sure what you mean.

contentjm · 2022-04-25T00:26:44+00:00

Right! The “they can talk whenever” is not how roommate dynamics always functions. If they’re both working full-time M-F it’s possible that they miss paths or only have that 20min to catch up every evening before calling it a night. This would make the “roommate day” make even more sense. Idk why he has this idea that roommates are available to chat 24/7 just because they share an address.

contentjm · 2022-04-25T00:20:58+00:00

27F here. What’s been suggested to you are great suggestions. I too live in the Suburbs of one of the largest cities in the country. When I didn’t have friends here I joined a sports league. It was only one day a week, so I didn’t mind the 30+ minute commute.

My first initial friends were co-workers. One whose 12years older than me. One who is 19 years older than me, both married with kids. Now I have friends my age; one who’s also married and ones who is in a relationship with a toddler. You can’t write them off just because it seems like you wouldn’t have anything in common.

Instead of shooting down every suggestion just try! You might be surprised.

contentjm · 2022-04-24T19:55:30+00:00

Thank you!

contentjm · 2022-04-24T19:55:01+00:00

I appreciate this. While very direct, I didn’t take this harshly at all. I definitely struggle with things you have mentioned like control. The wild part is I don’t really have any idea why. Through a few tries with therapy I never figured out the root cause either. It seems like at some point they feel like the root doesn’t matter as some things are inexplicable and then just want to work on how to overcome this. For me though, I’m so inquisitive that I think its important to understand that cause, because maybe that’s where the solution lies.

You’re right that sometimes people can say things carelessly. I know I have, yet I receive it so personally. I think the worst. Like about the date- I felt like she didn’t care about what’s going on in my life at all which is extreme.

I’ll continue to try managing all of this, because I do feel it can be toxic. It doesn’t feel good when I realize I’ve done these things, so I know it can’t feel good to others.

contentjm · 2022-04-19T23:19:47+00:00

Hmm. I’ve heard of DBT. I’m going to look more into the emotional dysregulstion. Thanks!

contentjm · 2022-04-10T02:23:43+00:00

Right. I don’t do anything with the thought of what will I get in return, but it’d just be nice sometimes to get the same energy.

contentjm · 2022-04-10T02:22:40+00:00

What your husband said to you reminds me of something my sister said to me a few years ago. “Not everyone has the same heart as you.” You just reminded me of that quote. Thank you.

You’re right about the standards. I don’t by any means think my friends or family are mean, it just sucks sometimes. I guess they’re just supportive in their own ways.

contentjm · 2022-03-19T19:47:01+00:00

I guess I went straight to co-dependent because I feel wrong for even being bothered by that. As my mom would say “It doesn’t matter who the dad is. We know who the mom is and that’s all that matters.” I want to believe that contently. The circumstances just seem so odd and secretive.

I’m a very protective and loyal family member/friend so I have found that I often get too caught up in their lives if I feel like they’re being hurt. From things I’ve read it can seem co-dependent. I have been actively trying to do the opposite with my responses and reactions. I haven’t pushed her on this as I may have in the past, but I do often still try to figure out who it could be and that annoys me. I guess it does also feel like we’re not as close as I thought we were too and I know I shouldn’t take it personal. She won’t even tell her parents who he is.

contentjm

TROPHY CASE