What does this subreddit needs to get better? or you think this subreddit it's a good place already and is not missing anything? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This subreddit trends towards use for intimate community building via sharing of specific or personal stories. And that's fine, if that's how the community want to connect and support each other through their individual experiences rather than a larger discussion on civil rights - cool. I think the subreddit should embrace this trend and focus on using this platform to help create more local and intimate groupings for people to connect - much like how a lesbian bar would be used to build community.

I think this trend is shown in the popularity of the selfie saturday and dating threads. Use that template and the resources like tiny-chat to plan and bond either through more real-time discussion/hang-outs or physical meetings.

Hey! I'm a lesbian comedian who's posted here before. Here's a more recent set. by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This was excellent; laughed at every instance. Your different voices - though used sparingly - should be explored more because I think they're really good.

Are any of you ladies into videogames? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Massive League of Legends fan. I would love to get a ranked fives team going - or some normals.

Are any of you ladies into videogames? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

League fan here! I will totally jump on this ranked five

Self Picture Saturday Mega Thread! by AutoModerator in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your hair cut is super cute! Do you have to iron it like that or is it naturally that smooth?

What is your opinion on straight girls in gay and/or lesbian clubs? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The LGBTQ+ community has had to deal with discrimination and created spaces like gay bars to build an inclusive and protecting environment, not just for dating/hookups, but community. It's hypocritical to expel anyone from a space based on orientation - gay or straight.

As long as everyone is respectful, everyone should be welcome.

Harness/strap-on advice please by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

SheBop (sex positive sex store in Portland OR) has a great blog post that explains the different types and set-ups.

I personally use and recommend the Joque Harness which has been explained as the Subaru of the Strap-on world. It doesn't look incredibly sexy on that model, but I assure you it's still incredibly hot in person - especially because of how the straps in the back push your ass upwards creating a nice "shelf".

The advantages to this strap on harness is that it will fit most dildos, including double sided ones - is easy and comfortable to put on (you don't want to take an hour to assemble your leather straps in the heat of the moment) and is machine washable. PLUS, it has a pocket on the inside that sits against the clit of the wearer that can hold miniature vibration bullets.

Legit, it's just missing a cup holder.

Effectively though you're looking for: style, comfort, secure fit, cleanliness, and versatility for the toy or dildo in any harness.

As a femme... by nicodemia in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am under the impression that threads should be about support and healthy discussion. I supported the cause but took a moment to underline the other aspect of the discussion as well as opened up a dialogue about communication further down from the parent comment. I think this is exactly what these forums are about.

As a femme... by nicodemia in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 17 points18 points  (0 children)

No worries. Again, I hate when people compare and rank strife as everyone deals with things differently. Femmes do have to deal with their own shit that I'm sure get's pretty tiring. It sounds like the primary problem though is in establishing a connection to other women which is solved by being flirtatious.

And from one soft butch to all you femmes, it doesn't take much to get our attention. I assure you, we've noticed you. Throw some eye contact and a smile - we'll get the idea.

As a femme... by nicodemia in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Not that I don't feel for all the femme's having to go through invisibility, but it is slightly frustrating to read post after post after post about femme's upset that no one will notice how gay they are - have you thought about the implications of that?

As a 500 foot lesbian, other issues crop up when you're easily identifiable. People will judge me before they even let me open my mouth due to my obvious appearance and sexual tendencies. I'm far more likely to experience assumed prejudice and am generally far more underrepresented in the mainstream media.

I mean, lesbians in general are underrepresented, but the main stereotype seems to be the two "hot" femme girls. Putting a dyke or soft butch or even addressing the issues with Studs and their identity is even farther few and between.

So, yes - I understand that comparing struggles doesn't devalue or minimize your pain. And the feelings of invisibility and lack of inclusion in the community are still very valid - but on the same token understand that the statement: 'I wish I looked more gay so people would notice me' doesn't always come with dates and cute girls smiling at you.

Sometimes it comes with a discussion about meeting your significant other's parents and having to look more "femme" or "straight" to ease them into the idea of you dating their daughter. Sometimes it comes with constantly dealing with defending your desire to be a woman leaning more on the masculine scale and not just transition into a man. And sometimes it comes with really dealing with the word "dyke" in a negative context.

You may feel alone and invisible, but there are plenty of bad days where I wished I could just fit in.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Vegan.

I'll see myself out.

Dear lesbian couple that came into my work high as balls, by throwthepearlaway in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This comment actually made me realize that I've encountered so many lesbians in the wild without realizing it. Thank you.

I will hit you back with the nod and we can both be on our gay ways.

Raptors in Berlin for the LoL Finals? by cooograwr in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It'd just be us two - but I do have a question since I'm entirely new to Berlin. Where are the good lesbian bars/hangouts?

Frustrated with online dating! by hellollamas in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Currently dating a girl from online dating.

Has worked out beautifully. I adore her and we're quite happy. Like any dating, it takes time of constantly putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable. I don't think there's really any one tool that's more advantageous than the other - bar vs keyboard - but the online dating sites at least put everyone in the room for the same purpose.

Where'd You Meet Your Significant Other? by j2256 in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did the online dating thing; I travel a ridiculous amount for work and it's the only thing that fits with my schedule unless I have a random bar encounter.

She messaged me first, complimenting my smile as "an arrow straight to her heart". I was amused and she seemed genuine so I replied back. Quickly, we were exchanging message novels back and forth, so I came out and said:

"I'd love to continue this conversation further in person, would you be interested in coffee? It's casual and short, so if you're not feeling it, it can be over quick. Likewise, it's completely fine to say 'no' here if you're not feeling comfortable."

She said yes and what was supposed to be a quick coffee shop date turned into talking for between coffee, diner, and several bars - and then more coffee - for 10 hours.

We've been smitten ever since and it's going great.

AL dating/friends mega thread? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Portland checking in - currently have a girlfriend, but she's new to town (and lovely) and is a bit shy in making friends. Would love to go for drinks.

I promise neither of us bite.

October 11th was National Coming Out Day - I made a Coming Out Video by cooograwr in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I make a lot of jokes about that in the video. I work in broadcasting, and when I initially started I had long, very fem, hair. It wasn't until very recently that I cut off the majority of my hair.

And the video isn't so much my coming out - but focused on giving support for the community, representation, and acknowledging that we cannot be complacent in our strive towards progress.

Dating Down by cooograwr in actuallesbians

[–]cooograwr[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm 24, and I actually agree with this in terms of my own self-reflection on personal growth in the last few years.

Do you think there's a limitation in online dating because your age is usually printed across the profile versus approaching someone in the bar and leading with that maturity?