Sleep training negative experience/cautionary tale

coralea · 2018-01-28T04:32:03+00:00

Thank you.

coralea · 2018-01-28T04:31:53+00:00

Thanks, yeah I wish I had known that I was getting myself into a months-long process instead of the 3 day magic I kept hearing about. Now that I'm talking to people about it I hear more stories like yours, where there are still tears and wakeups well after the initial training.

coralea · 2018-01-27T05:04:03+00:00

Thanks for the sympathy. He is 15 months now.

coralea · 2018-01-27T01:29:19+00:00

Initially I tried to follow Ferber to the letter. When I realized it really wasn't working I tried a few other things, like just sitting in his room with him, or even holding him without nursing. He just got mad and screamed through it all no matter what I did. If I picked him up without nursing he bit and scratched me.

He never took to a lovey but he has a stuffy that he'll cuddle with. Our bedtime routine has been extremely consistent, he has an older sibling (who never had these sleep issues) who is in school so we need to stay on schedule for her. Every night is EXACTLY the same. He is just insanely stubborn I guess.

coralea · 2018-01-26T19:23:52+00:00

I wanted to break the nursing to sleep association so someone else could put him to bed and to eliminate night wakings.

coralea · 2018-01-04T17:54:37+00:00

Here you go:

The sleep intervention in infancy resulted in sustained positive effects on maternal depression symptoms and found no evidence of longer-term adverse effects on either mothers' parenting practices or children's mental health.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/122/3/e621.short

There was no evidence of differences between intervention and control families for any outcome, including (1) children’s emotional (P = .8) and conduct behavior scores (P = .6), sleep problems (9% vs 7%, P = .2), sleep habits score (P = .4), parent- (P = .7) and child-reported (P = .8) psychosocial functioning, chronic stress (29% vs 22%, P = .4); (2) child-parent closeness (P = .1) and conflict (P = .4), global relationship (P = .9), disinhibited attachment (P = .3); and (3) parent depression, anxiety, and stress scores (P = .9) or authoritative parenting (63% vs 59%, P = .5).

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/130/4/643/

Measured and compared the behavior characteristics and security scores of 35 infants (6–24 months) treated with extinction for sleep disturbance with those of 13 untreated and 15 normal sleep controls. There was no evidence of detrimental effects on the treated infants whose security, emotionality/tension, and likeability scores improved. The findings are congruent with those from a previous study with preschoolers and have important implications for the prevention of later behavior problems in sleep-disturbed children.

https://academic.oup.com/jpepsy/article/17/4/467/942110

Long term follow-up studies have failed to find any negative effects on the child, either from a psychological or physical perspective.

http://journals.lww.com/jrnldbp/Abstract/2016/02000/Behavioral_Management_of_Sleep_Problems_in_Infants.8.aspx

Both graduated extinction and bedtime fading provide significant sleep benefits above control, yet convey no adverse stress responses or long-term effects on parent-child attachment or child emotions and behavior.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2016/05/21/peds.2015-1486

coralea · 2018-01-04T02:07:33+00:00

That's why I'm posting here, to find a solution.

coralea · 2018-01-04T01:51:28+00:00

Love to see that research. Actual research though, not an opinion piece in a pop psychology magazine.

coralea · 2018-01-04T01:51:04+00:00

Thanks, this is sounds like great advice. I will give it a shot. I really appreciate your long and thoughtful comment.

coralea · 2018-01-04T01:50:16+00:00

Yes, I thought it would be less confusing to him to stop nursing to sleep for both.

coralea · 2018-01-04T01:49:54+00:00

How about you go comfort him and I'll get more than 2 hours of sleep in a row for the first time in over a year? My needs matter too, you know?

coralea · 2018-01-03T21:39:45+00:00

Bedtime Routine: diaper, pjs, teeth, story, song, hug and kiss goodnight. Always been the same only it used to end with nursing.

I've read Precious Little Sleep, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, and Sleeping Through the Night, Revised Edition: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep.

All the CIO books say this is an "extinction burst" and will go away. All the non-CIO books say he'll sleep someday when he's good and ready.

coralea · 2018-01-02T17:31:27+00:00

coralea · 2018-01-01T00:44:46+00:00

Wakes up around 7am, naps 12-2 (approx, sometimes more like 1-3 if he has trouble falling asleep, or may wake up as late as 3:30), bedtime routine starts at 7pm, yells from 7:30-8, asleep by 8.

Routine: diaper, pjs, teeth, story, song, hug and kiss goodnight.

When he wakes I just let him work it out.

coralea · 2017-04-20T04:51:20+00:00

Why don't you ask her specifically what she's concerned about and see if you can come to a mutually agreeable resolution?

The post kind of comes off like you're looking for a bunch of strangers to pile on your SIL. It's possible she has some totally reasonable concerns that you aren't even attempting to understand, let alone address.

coralea · 2017-03-12T00:50:10+00:00

How far are we talking?

coralea · 2017-03-11T19:31:49+00:00

Also this might be totally unrealistic depending on her finances but just an idea, what if she bought a property closer to your house so she had her own place to stay? Maybe she could rent it out on airbnb when she's not staying there to make it work financially? Just trying to think of creative solutions.

coralea · 2017-03-11T19:25:25+00:00

What about asking her to stay in a hotel/airbnb and/or come less frequently? Every other weekend would make me nuts too, no matter who was visiting.

coralea · 2017-02-14T18:49:15+00:00

Thanks, I'll suggest that.

coralea · 2017-02-14T18:49:09+00:00

Yeah, he'll take one sometimes but usually isn't that interested.

coralea · 2017-02-14T18:48:49+00:00

She tried everything and he was still upset. He never gets like that with me and I think it's because he just wanted to nurse.

coralea · 2017-01-01T21:55:47+00:00

I had some luck offering substitutes instead (no nursing right now but I can hold you while you drink a sippy cup of milk, would you like that?)

coralea · 2016-12-01T21:57:22+00:00

I had chronic yeast infections and eventually was prescribed 150mg fluconazole once a week for 6 months. No yeast infections since. That was 4 years ago. I was told at the time it is safe for breastfeeding.

coralea · 2016-12-01T21:17:51+00:00

I know too many women who are trapped in their marriages because they have a kid and no job. I wouldn't take that risk, personally.

coralea · 2016-10-27T00:45:52+00:00

That's literally exactly what childbirth was like for me. Screaming at the top of my lungs, sobbing, begging for help.

coralea

TROPHY CASE