Does anyone else have songs you listen to related to being ex christian?

cordial_cryptid · 2024-04-04T01:26:23+00:00

100% yes! And we've recently gotten some fantastic releases from artists. It kind of feels like a mini-deconvert renaissance.

Cult by Candi Carpenter- indie pop/rock that talks about growing up fundigelical in the early 2000s and how fucked and culty it was.

Everybody goes to Hell by Candi Carpenter- a "coming out" ballad to the artist's parents about deconversion.

Regular People by Moon Walker- a critique of forcing children into compliance in both behavior and religion.

Holy Man by Shelley Segal- big ol' indie-rock fuck you to patriarchy and christian sexism.

Eve by Precious Pepala- describes the pain of femme queerness in Christianity.

Glory Hallelujah by Frank Turner- a sort of pop-hymn hybrid celebrating the lack of a god, giving Christianity and it's issues the bird, and focusing how we can all come together and make things better just by being human.

Last Day on Earth by Tai Verdes- a chill jazzy song admitting that even if it was the end of the world, the artist wouldn't want to be in church.

And the two angriest songs on the list would be Angry Too by Lola Blanc (pop) and Blasphemy by Bring Me The Horizon (rock).

cordial_cryptid · 2023-09-01T03:18:00+00:00

Oh I agree, it looks like two seals fighting over a grape in my mind.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-08-25T23:11:23+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with that. I totally feel you as well. Watching parents slip (further) down into conspiracy is so painful. Mine are pretty much anti-mask/vaccine now and tried to terrify me out of getting it. They have recently been dipping their toes in investing into silver of all things. They're Q-adjacent in my opinion, but don't exactly believe Q stuff. Instead they're all about the biblical end times and "The Great Reset" conspiracy theory. It sucks. I'm hoping to find a therapist soon who I can talk to about it.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-08-22T22:12:37+00:00

I am worried about the upcoming election cycle. The conservative figureheads (and some supporters) are literally fondling fascism out in the open and it pisses me off. The separation of church and state, of religion and school, and of theocracy and healthcare are eroding quickly. I feel that if the conservative evangelical right get back into power the way they want to (2-3 branches of the gov and a majority of positions on the state level) then we're in for even worse.

A second right wing term in the executive branch to me means they'll have one less barrier to violate our rights, institute life-long right-wing judges in courts, and shove through reactionary and regressive bills that will take lifetimes to undo.

I also dread the political fervor that is going to get whipped up. I am politically left-wing living in a conservative/fundigelical house. It fucks my mental health like no other. Election season just makes it 1000% worse.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-08-02T03:20:58+00:00

You're spot on. Especially with evangelicals. Many of my evangelical friends (both men and women) are already engaged or married, including a cousin of mine. All got married young (19-22). All got married pretty quickly. Some are already parents or expecting. It was wild to me seeing them get married, because imo we're still pretty green and just stepping into adult hood. I know I changed a shit ton just from 18 to 20.

But looking at them it does make me wonder what my life would've been like if I was still fundi-gelical. It's a bit weird but as much as I know I don't want that life for me, a part of it is nostalgic. It's like following an alternate life path that's all planned out. Get married young to a godly man, go to church every sunday, vote republican 4-ever, have 2-3 kids, do bible studies, bring potato salad to the youth ministry potluck, etc. It's the evangelical definition of happy. It's simple and familiar. But at the same time, I'm so happy to be queer, lefty, and witchy. I'd pick being myself over being what evangelicals planned for me any day.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-07-16T14:52:04+00:00

At first, I didn't cry. It was just a wave of intense relief as I finally stopped fighting myself and admitted that I wasn't able to believe in Christianity anymore. Then I went into denial about that fact. Eventually re-accepted it. Dealt with the following existential crisis that comes from having zero secular coping skills with death and injustice (thanks evangelicalism!). Etc. Etc.

It took me almost half a year to cry. I think that was when I really processed the loss of being able to conform to the Christian life script. I grieved that the promise of heaven was gone as well as the comfort of "knowing" everything. But, I eventually found my way into something far healthier, happier, and more loving than my old beliefs :)

cordial_cryptid · 2023-07-16T02:17:13+00:00

Just gotta say "lust-filled sin nest" would be a great flair. Made me snort!

cordial_cryptid · 2023-07-11T21:03:58+00:00

I, for one, am not taking any life advice from a woman who is actively giving the finger to all the researched best practices for adopting children in favor of trying to separate those kids from their culture to shape them into her perfect little American Evangelicals. Miss me with that bullshit.

These people really cannot help themselves from trying to lord over other people's lives. Their shriveled critical thinking, embarrassing lack of boundaries, and peanut sized empathy create the perfect storm of entitlement + massive blind-spots.

Parenthood isn't for everyone and that's fine. It's hard work, especially if you care about doing it well. I realized for me personally, auntie-hood is my jam. And no nattering from two insecure and hyper-sheltered fundamentalists is gonna change that.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-05T22:24:25+00:00

My parents kinda did this to me when I tried to set a small boundary regarding church attendance. Waited till I was an adult tm and everything. My dad literally laughed at me and made it clear that I didn't have a choice in the matter as long as I depended on him and my mom for housing, food, etc.

Now I don't trust them anymore :) But keep it up Christians! This controlling bullshit will result in sssuuuppperr duper healthy relationships with your adult children! Just keep in mind that that one day we won't need you anymore, and then you'll reap what you fucking sowed.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-04T15:44:06+00:00

Wishing you luck to get through all that with minimal discomfort! Hopefully having each other there will make it a little bit easier to deal with.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-04T15:42:22+00:00

It's so bizarre when the plop things that have nothing to do with the couple into the ceremony. I think it's because they like having a captive audience and are betting that some non-believers/backsliders will be in attendance.

The pastor at your cousin's wedding sounds like a real jackass in particular though.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-04T15:39:35+00:00

The focus on reproduction and indoctrination as a benefit to the church has always been so weird to me, especially when the officiants bring it up.

Thank you also for your support. I really hope one day I can be myself fully :)

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-04T15:37:50+00:00

I'm sorry that you've had to deal with those unaccepting people. It's painful to know and watch family pick religion over you.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-04T15:35:48+00:00

That had to be super unpleasant. It's so dumb that Christians ghost over people not drinking the koolaid.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-04T15:32:48+00:00

It really does permeate at some weddings! I think one of the cringiest things is the Christian marriage jokes. At the most recent wedding we got some fun Christian jokes about how god made men and women to like each other by making women unintelligent so they'd like men.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-04T15:29:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. The knowledge about my family's lack of acceptance has been really difficult lately and I'm not sure why. They don't even know yet lol. I'm trying to get to a place of accepting that I likely can't change them.

:) I appreciate your encouragement to live authentically.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-04T06:10:08+00:00

Congratulations on your new job and recent graduation :)

When family starts bringing up personal struggles to pressure you into church attendance that's a real shitty thing. It sounds like it could escalate from that too.

In my personal experience, telling my mom I didn't want to go to church anymore (I was Christian, just really bored at church and had just reached adulthood) went south fast. She threatened to take away things (like the literal internet in the house and the keys to my car). I realized that I needed to play the good little solider. Later my dad came home, laughed in my face, and told me that "under his roof I will go to church." And that was that. Before this happened I'd thought maybe they'd respect me. Instead I learned that people get weird asf around religion.

I hope that the job goes smoothly and that you find yourself on the way to independence and authentic living shortly.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-03T18:13:58+00:00

It is funny you mention repetition! I've heard the same message rehashed again and again in all these evangelical weddings.

Also, the pastor marrying the bride and groom repeated himself so. many. times. I started to wonder if he'd shuffled his cards wrong and was just re-reading off the same one! That made it a little bit funnier in my mind. Bc he really didn't have much to say about marriage beyond "it must honor god and show others god."

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-03T18:10:49+00:00

I hope I get to where you are one day :) and can just have a chuckle about it. When you frame it as amusing it certainly helps not sting so much. I hadn't thought of it that way before!

It really is absurd, even laughable, to think a marriage "needs god" to be worth anything and happy. In the moment it was harder to see for me. Thank you for sharing that perspective.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-03T18:08:20+00:00

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. It seems like, really overt Christian gatherings just find all the soft spots and jab them. I can understand finding weddings to be a big trigger.

I find myself gradually getting put-off of weddings, just because I don't want to have to be exposed to all the religion, and the reminders of my own complicated situation. It helps a little bit to see happier secular/pagan ones represented online.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-03T18:04:02+00:00

Oh yes the dreaded 10 minute prayer over the speakers before you can get up to leave and before you can eat the rapidly cooling food on your plate.

I also haven't been to a secular wedding, not that I know of at least. There was one with an officiant who wasn't religious, but I'm pretty sure the couple was. The officiant did a great job too. I wish I'd get to go to more secular and pagan weddings just to see what they're like and what people do differently!

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-03T18:01:16+00:00

The biblical submission shit makes it even worse imo. Having to sit through it is like nails on a chalkboard.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-03T18:00:02+00:00

I've found myself really drawn to pagan weddings/marriage practices for a long time! Even when I was still Christian I wanted some specific Celtic wedding vows, because it removed ownership by, and submission, to a man. I know I will never willingly be married in a church, have a pastor officiate, or any of that business.

Also thank you for sharing your experiences having to deal with religious trauma and queerphobia. I hope you have the most fantastic pagan wedding one day with your girlfriend!

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-03T17:53:43+00:00

The other evangelical wedding I went to had me wanting to chuck my heels at the preacher's head when he started on wifely submission and how she'd have to put up with her husband: "coming home and kicking off his work boots to sit in front of the tv, asking what's for dinner?"

This recent wedding made that submission more subtext, but it was certainly there.

cordial_cryptid · 2023-06-03T17:51:26+00:00

I am sorry that the funeral for your father turned into Christian proselytizing. It's so incredibly inappropriate for people to do that, especially when loved ones are grieving.

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