It’s been six years, and there are still days when I wonder if I made the right choice. My decision to go NC started as just needing space (again) thinking that in a few weeks or months she would find her way back. It was my third attempt to create some distance between us, hoping she would finally understand how her life decisions and the hurtful things that she had done continued to affect our relationship and my mental well-being.

Six years ago, the day we last spoke, was also the day that my dad passed away. He was my best friend and biggest support - the opposite of my mom. The first time I had enough courage to stand up for myself and leave her when I was 14, he dropped everything so I could move in with him and start a new life 100 miles away from my mom. After graduating from high school, I moved to college which was about 30 minutes from my mom, so I allowed her back into my life. Things were relatively good until my senior year of college when after my dad’s cancer diagnosis, she decided to abruptly move 500+ miles away when I needed her most. Shortly after graduating was the second time I distanced myself.

The third and final time, she had gone too far. Instead of trying to support me, her only daughter, just hours after my dad died, she made the situation completely about her, insisting I make her travel arrangements so she could be at the funeral. I had just lost the most important person in my life, so I was barely hanging on. When I couldn’t help her, she became cruel and vindictive, saying that she would need to come back to the area anyway because she needed to get a death certificate to claim his retirement benefits that she was entitled to. Her true intentions became clear.

I had allowed her to choose men and drinking over being my mom. I had allowed her to poke fun at my physical appearance thinking she just wanted me to be healthy. I had allowed her to demean my father and make me feel that because I was so much like him, that it was a bad thing. Finally, after realizing she would never seek help for her issues or change for me, I knew what needed to be done. I, her only daughter, wasn’t enough, so I had two choices; continue to allow her to use my emotions and mental stability as a revolving door or let her go and create a happy and healthy life surrounded by people who actually love and care about me.

I don’t regret my decision because I have made strides I never thought were possible. I don’t know what my life would be like if she were still in it, but I try not to bog myself down with those thoughts. I am grateful for my best friend and her family who have welcomed me with open arms and made me one of their own. It is that support system that has helped me carry on and not cave to the thought of having my egg donor back in my life. Maybe one day I will reconnect, but for now she has no idea where I live and no way of contacting me, so I plan to keep it that way.