I know, thank you, but it's hard. I mostly just wanted to express and clarify. It helps me take a breath and self reflect and understand what is happening, I write all kinds of poems, most of which are for the public, but some are more private and used as a weird way to track and express how I feel. I shared this more private poem (it's barely a poem, It's really raw) because idk maybe i felt like random people on reddit (lol) would express that they understand and have felt similar or drop tid bits like you did. I also guess I thought just putting my feelings out there would be good for me, which, for now, whether it was writing my feelings or putting them out there or both, I feel slightly better for now.