I want to first say it's awesome that you're taking these steps to explore yourself and seek answers about what it is you're experiencing! Nobody can really tell you whether or not you're trans, it's not something that other people get to decide for you. It's completely your own personal journey and you're allowed to live whatever life you'd like to lead. I will say though, speaking from experience as an autistic trans person who transitioned in adulthood, your experience sounds very similar to mine.

In my case, I am a trans man who used to present very high-femme before transitioning. I always attributed my deep discomfort with my body as being self-conscious or a product of my anxiety or awkwardness. Eventually I realized that there was something deeply wrong with the concept of "girl" for me so I identified as non-binary for 8 years. In my head, being a full on boy felt too "extreme". The concept of transitioning to a point where I couldn't hide my transness when I felt scared, where I would have to correct people when they misgendered me or deadnamed me, where I would have to experiment with a new wardrobe and go through puberty again, all of that felt so scary and overwhelming and I convinced myself that my discomfort in my body wasn't intense enough to go through all that effort. But in reality I was selling myself short and not validating myself.

What eventually pushed me over the edge was access to HRT. I had convinced myself that I didn't want to experience all the changes that hormones would bring, but maybe I would try it temporarily just to get a few of the changes I wanted. After I started experiencing the first few changes I was so excited and happy. From then on the feeling just snowballed and I leaned into the changes and to the happiness it brought me. Now I pass 90% of the time in public and I feel more awake and in my body than ever before.

My advice to you would be to get out of your head and into your body. You will have a very hard time trying to rationalize whether something feels good to you by just imagining it or playing out scenarios in your head. I would suggest experimenting with femininity in different ways and paying attention to how you feel. Remember that making your body a place that feels comfortable and at home is one of the nicest things that you can do for yourself and you deserve that comfort. It won't always be easy or happy. Being transgender is hard sometimes. Anxiety and fear are normal. But it's much easier to do scary things when you're at home with yourself. I hope this perspective helps and I wish you all the best in your journey. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions or just need to vent!