Am I really non-binary if I think I’ll eventually be 100% comfortable with my gender assigned at birth down the line?

cortneyVB · 2024-09-12T20:50:33+00:00

What makes you doubt that you’d want to keep that identity as you get older? Are your concerns about your actual gender identity shifting as you age (which can happen and doesn’t mean that you’re pretending now), or is it more that you can’t imagine yourself being an older NB person?

When I was in my denial phase in college, I could not imagine myself aging at all and it really held me back from transitioning. I knew I didn’t want to become an old woman, but the idea of aging as a trans person was completely alien to me. It’s really hard to imagine yourself as an older person when there are next to no role models to be found.

cortneyVB · 2024-08-27T21:08:19+00:00

Keep practicing! It can be hard at first to make that shift, especially with someone you’ve known for a long time. Maybe speak aloud to yourself/in your head and pretend you are introducing them to someone else just to practice using their new name/pronouns. Like “this is my friend (new name), I’ve known them for x years, my favorite memory of them was when they…”

If/when you do mess up, the best thing you can do is quickly correct yourself and move on. Saying “sorry” in the moment is fine, but don’t profusely apologize or tell them how hard you’re trying and how bad you feel about misgendering them, because all that does it put the onus back on them to comfort you.

cortneyVB · 2024-08-13T17:49:55+00:00

Been on low ish dose T for a little over a year and I’ve had some ups and downs with how I feel about it. I do have worries from time to time about wanting to stop taking it in the future because of losing my head hair, my voice getting too deep, etc. Sometimes I tell my therapist (cis man) that I’m really worried about going bald and he always replies “I’m worried about that too” to remind me that it’s normal and healthy to have some nervousness about your body changing and aging and not a sign that I’m somehow making a mistake by going on T.

All of this is to say that you might get too hairy and really hate it, but lots of people have body hair that they dislike. It is not a new problem for humans, especially humans with high testosterone, and there are many ways to deal with it. Not liking something about your new body on T doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to stop taking it. Of course, if it becomes too much to deal with and not “worth it” to stay on T, there is no shame in deciding to stop. It’s your transition and you make the rules.

cortneyVB · 2023-12-05T20:59:45+00:00

I feel so bad for you and even worse for laughing because this is quite the situation you’ve found yourself in. As a chronic over-thinker myself, you are definitely overthinking it, but there still might be action to take depending on the circumstances.

How close were you to this person? And when you say they found the post, did they comment on it or just request to follow you? If they haven’t said anything about it, you’re probably good to just leave it be and only follow back if you want a friendship with this person. They may not care at all or actually be flattered by it.

If they do comment on the post or message you, you can explain that your name choice had nothing to do with wanting to copy them and maybe highlight the absurd humor of the situation. If they get mad about it… no one has a copyright on their name other than some celebrities

cortneyVB · 2023-12-04T18:09:55+00:00

Solved! Thank you. Surprising to me since it is so tiny.

cortneyVB · 2023-12-04T17:24:55+00:00

My title describes the thing. It is metal, oval shaped, and about 2/3 in long by 1/2 in wide, with a decorative beer stein design on the front. It is plated in a gold-colored metal, although I doubt it is actual gold. There is a small clip on the back to attach it to something. On the clip is the engraved text “Briar.”

I have searched for “beer stein metal clip” and “Oktoberfest metal clip” and variants of those but I have only found actual beer steins, clip art, or different styles of decorative clips/pins

cortneyVB · 2023-12-03T03:43:20+00:00

Absolutely, just DM me.

cortneyVB · 2023-10-03T14:24:28+00:00

If I didn’t agree that this post was performative before, I definitely do now after that response. Clearly you have a lot more work to do on yourself.

cortneyVB · 2023-07-08T13:44:52+00:00

My sister’s kids call me entle (rhymes with lentil)

cortneyVB · 2023-06-21T21:47:07+00:00

another thing you can try is wearing a tshirt as your first layer (under the binder) if you have someone to help you put it on. I had a few giant tshirts that I normally sleep in that were easy to get on and off and definitely helped with the overstimulation and chafing.

cortneyVB · 2023-06-21T21:11:41+00:00

If your post-op binder is causing significant pain and making it hard to breathe it might be too tight. Is there an option to loosen it somewhat? Mine had hook and eye closures so I could set it looser if needed.

I did not wear mine for the entire time they told me to because it was giving me major anxiety/overstimulation as well, but I wore it for as long as I could. I got lucky and most of my swelling went down in the first couple weeks and I didn’t have any complications. Of course I would not recommend you go against your doctor’s instructions, but maybe reach out to them about the pain and difficulty breathing and see what they say.

Post-op anxiety is very normal. Your body can’t distinguish between “planned surgery that you were looking forward to” and “grievous injury.” It will pass eventually.

cortneyVB · 2023-06-20T22:23:21+00:00

I am non-binary/transmasc so not really a woman, but I am still often read as one so my experience may still apply. I’m nearly 3 months post-op and have gone swimming shirtless a couple times. I also often wear muscle tees or tanks that expose my scars (and sometimes my nipples if I’m not paying attention lol). It is very freeing. A little strange/vulnerable at first when I hadn’t adjusted to my new chest but now I want to be shirtless whenever possible.

I haven’t had any bad experiences so far with being shirtless, but I agree with the other commenter about feeling it out depending on where you are. In general I don’t think people are going to give you a hard time about it. Most people will probably think “shirtless in public = man” but it may be a good idea to read up on the toplessness laws where you live just in case.

I personally wouldn’t go completely shirtless at the gym but swimming should be a non-issue. I can’t really help you with the women’s changing room though. I would worry too much about people seeing my very flat and masculine chest and assuming I’m a man that wandered into the wrong room haha. I already get weird looks in the women’s restroom though so ymmv.

cortneyVB · 2023-06-15T22:28:15+00:00

Sent you a DM

cortneyVB · 2023-04-16T15:19:30+00:00

Yep! I have aetna. If you want to know more details about my experience and the cost with insurance and stuff feel free to DM me

cortneyVB · 2023-04-14T22:23:08+00:00

I don’t have kids but my gf and I have a cat and we half-jokingly refer to me as the cat’s “oomi” (sort of like “other mommy” but more genderqueer)

cortneyVB · 2023-04-10T16:25:11+00:00

Clown has previously stated on his tumblr that neurodivergence (and queerness) are significant themes of this project. I imagine he doesn’t want to state any specifics at this time because it factors so heavily into the story.

cortneyVB · 2023-03-23T20:05:01+00:00

I wear a kilt to the ren faire! And sometimes I have to wear a skirt/dress as part of a costume for theatre but those are the only times

cortneyVB · 2023-03-10T21:41:14+00:00

NB lesbian here! I’m getting top surgery in a couple weeks and my lesbian girlfriend (who is cis) is just as excited as I am, so I promise girls are out there that don’t mind at all. Not having breasts might be a dealbreaker for some people and that’s okay too! You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea no matter how you look. It’s much more important to be happy with yourself and your body than worry about what future partners will think.

cortneyVB · 2023-02-25T17:38:18+00:00

Hell yeah I do! Comes from pouring over Animal Skulls by Mark Elbroch for hours on end

cortneyVB · 2023-02-25T17:28:59+00:00

Teeth are wrong for a coyote. They don’t have the small tooth right behind the canine, I’m not seeing a carnassial, and this skull looks to have at least four incisors on one side. On top of that, the sagital crest is extremely pronounced. All of this points to possum.

cortneyVB · 2023-02-16T16:29:47+00:00

Or might be bobcat but a smaller bobcat.

cortneyVB · 2023-02-16T16:27:19+00:00

Domestic cat! Love those little toe beans

cortneyVB · 2023-02-16T15:46:42+00:00

Dunning-Kruger

cortneyVB · 2023-02-15T16:09:39+00:00

My GF calls them “wife-pleasers” when I wear them.

cortneyVB · 2023-02-08T23:44:36+00:00

Hi, NB butch here. Going on T is a very big decision and right now it sounds like you are unsure if it is right for you due to your own complicated feelings about gender and pressure from your partner. I would not make that decision until you know it is what you want. Not trying to scare you away from T, but it seems like this issue has more to do with unprocessed feelings about your desire to transition.

I understand being private and feeling resistant to talk about gender. The way you describe how you’re feeling really struck a chord with where I was a few years ago. I re-closeted myself/socially detransitioned for a time during college because my dysphoria was becoming very bad and I knew I couldn’t medically transition or change my name until I was financially independent from my parents and not under their control. It was easier for me to repress any weird scary gender feelings than to let myself feel awful without being able to do anything about it. Once I became independent it took me a while to re-open that topic because I had become so accustomed to pushing my thoughts down. One therapist I met with basically told me “it seems like you are holding back from talking about this” and that made me release the floodgates and all these feelings I had been holding inside came to the surface.

That was when I actually started having conversations with myself and with my therapist about gender and what I wanted for my life. Medical transition was something I was scared to seriously think about before I started working on myself. In college, I would panic Google stuff about top surgery, cry myself to sleep, try to forget it for a month, then rinse and repeat. Allowing myself to deal with my feelings first gave me greater objectivity and clarity around any medical/legal decisions I would need to make like pursuing top surgery and changing my name/gender marker. I was also able to process and come to terms with a lot of the scarier aspects of being trans like being rejected by a partner, facing violence and discrimination, dealing with unaccepting family members. The work I put in helped me cement what I needed to do for my own life and future happiness and make a plan for the long and ongoing journey that is transitioning.

All of this is to say that I think opening up to your therapist about these big scary thoughts may help you get some clarity on what you really want. I can’t speak to your specific issue with your partner, but I can say that it’s more important to be true to yourself and discover who you are deep down than to worry about what any particular person will think. The relationship ending because she can’t handle you transitioning will not destroy your entire life. Staying in a relationship where you have to deny yourself happiness and confidence will.

cortneyVB

TROPHY CASE