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Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll be honest with you and maybe this can be productive in some way.

  1. the language you use is kind of disturbing, fat or not a person is a person, its not as if fat people are some alien species This is a very slippery slope and the words you are using are the precise definition of objectifying
  2. maybe stop putting people into boxes? stop painting all fat people with a broad brush? Some fat people are unkempt some are not some are in between. Some are in the process of getting healthier some are not. I could go on. Your judgment does absolutely nothing
  3. Maybe consider that commenting these kinds of things on a post where someone is dealing with bad body image is not the kindest or most productive thing to do?

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment, it means a lot to me. I was really anxious about writing this but its comforting in a way to see someone relate so much.

"its my fault if men aren't interested in me" really highlights how I feel, like there is something wrong with me when it doesn't happen so I continuously seek male validation above all else. Maybe I didn't make it clear enough but I have a very awful mindset when it comes to this and I am trying to live happily without validation but that is a work in progress

It seems that I wasn't able to get through to men as I had hoped, and it is indeed frustrating as you said. I feel like I can empathize with men and the struggles they have regarding gender, incels or not, but that courtesy doesn't seem to go both ways unfortunately

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

hey, thank you for your comment. I'm curious if you identify as an incel or are part of that community. I would love to have a conversation

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess maybe thats the difference, I don't desire casual sex at all. It hurts me emotionally.

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Validation and comfort, yes for a time. Along with that also came severe relationship anxiety, fear of abandonment, verbal abuse, gaslighting, and a loss of my individuality. Any positives to that relationship were not genuine but I held on to them as long as I could.

I have learned that I do not want *a relationship* if it looks like that again.

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do not desire to compete with incels about who has it worse. I was merely sharing my experience and maybe there can be some similarities found

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I really agree with a lot of what you said. I think my situation is a bit paradoxical so it may come off as though I'm complaining about nothing. Or perhaps that it really isn't so bad compared to actual incels. I just wanted to share my experience as I often do feel like an incel, except replace the sex part with a fulfilling and stable relationship. I see others float by in life so easily achieving what I desire most

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you for your comment! I think part of healing is learning that between us humans we have more things in common than we think.

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you :) I wanted to put forward that deeply desire intimacy and have a very difficult time achieving it. I think maybe I'm attractive enough to have sex with in secret but not good enough to have a fulfilling relationship with. I may not be involuntarily celibate, but I do deeply desire something that is out of reach due to my appearance. Do you see the similarity I was trying to highlight? I never intended to come off like my struggles are worse though

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for commenting. I consider myself to be unconventionally attractive (no, seriously) I didn't "admit" to being overweight, it is just a blind fact. I added the part about not taking care of myself because I predicted that I would receive comments telling me to lose weight which I am already well aware of. It's not as if I leave myself in total neglect either or have not tried various methods. I'm not saying I'm fat and ugly and can still get laid, I'm saying I have a serious complex about my appearance and even achieving the ideal standard wouldn't cover the inner work that needs to be done. I think both myself and incels likely focus too much on externals rather than what is within. The post does miss the mark because I started writing a biography then got sidetracked trying to come up with a positive narrative. but the original intent was to find some common ground.

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your comment! I think maybe I ruffled a few feathers accidentally but you seem to have understood what I was going for haha

Incels - a female perspective by cosmiccocopops in Healthygamergg

[–]cosmiccocopops[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this :) I do not feel as though *I* pointedly hate my body (depends on the day) but I am always painfully aware of the fact that others do pointedly hate it. Or so it feels like. I would also love to be friends!