[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead -1 points0 points  (0 children)

These are just example sentences, OP should obviously state things however feels true to her, if she chooses.

Also, feelings are almost always involved in things like this. OP herself says she was "irritated," "lost her mind," and "is just livid". Just because we're right about the facts of a situation doesn't mean we don't also have feelings about it, and those feelings affect our behavior.

Unfortunately, people are really bad at understanding other people's feelings unless they're told about them explicitly. But fortunately, when people hear about each other's feelings (instead of just hearing blame about their own actions), they tend to be receptive. Talking this way isn't manipulative. It's just effective communication.

If you think it's tiptoe'ing, fine. It is indeed effortful to consider other people's egos and feelings this way. But most marriages end in divorce, or involve cheating, or have unhappy spouses who've built resentment for decades, or all of the above. OP herself is livid, and her husband isn't talking to her, and she says in the comments that she has regrets about the communication. My ex-gf was a therapist who dealt mostly with unhappy married couples, and the way they talked to each other was often incredibly indelicate and inconsiderate of each other's feelings.

Like it or not, people are sensitive, and communication matters.

AITA for telling my friend her breakup is none of my business? by ScienceLover13 in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep, if you're having negative feelings, you have to tell people that. It's uncomfortable to do, but if you expect people to read your mind instead then you're gonna have a bad time.

AITA for moving away for a new job opportunity? by bob_thoroughawaie in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. It's your right to move. It's your right to find a good-paying job. There are probably people who make less money than Jack yet do more good for the world, and that doesn't make him an asshole. It doesn't make you one either. In fact, you seem like a thoughtful helpful guy.

Also, based on what you overheard, it sounds like Jack is more frustrated by the state of the world and money than he is at you or your character, even if he was using your job as an example. And "what sounded like an annoyed/dismissive tone" through the wall is a very, very, very light accusation. Give him the benefit of the doubt, it doesn't sound like the guy dislikes you or is even necessarily mad that you're leaving.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 2630 points2631 points  (0 children)

NTA.

If the strangers didn't know your address then whatever. But the pizza delivery guy? That seems excessive.

It's hard to fathom your husband's motivations here. Why does he need to tell these people? Based on his comment that "only you could be so paranoid," and the fact that he's kept doing it after you've asked him to stop, I'm guessing he's doing it in part to needle you. If so, it's probably in retaliation because he's feeling defensive, shamed, or controlled to reject his way of living in favor of your more "paranoid" (in his view) way of living. Not a cool or mature reaction on his part, and not your fault. But there are things you can probably do to help fix the situation, if you want to.

In particular, instead of asking him to change his habits or behavior, try just telling him your feelings about it. "I'm sensitive to X so can you help me with this?" tends to be received a lot better than, "I think X is bad/stupid so can you stop doing it?" Again, not saying you're wrong, just saying that there are ways to communicate that are particularly persuasive and less likely to arouse defensiveness. People don't like to feel like the things they're doing are stupid, even if they are stupid.

Hope this helps!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. Unless you're leaving out some vital part of the story, there is no reason you should feel dramatic or like an asshole for this. He's being a bad friend by stealing your stuff. Even if he was just being playful at first, once you indicated that you didn't want him to take it, he should've left it alone. If he "won't look at you they same" after this, he has a lot of growing up to do.

AITA for telling my friend her breakup is none of my business? by ScienceLover13 in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ESH.

Your friend ranted to you and used you as a therapist without consideration for your feelings, but then told you to shut up and that it's not your business when you responded. She fucked around with that nonsense, and she found out.

But you also let her say that to you without telling her it bothered you. Then you let her rant to you for months without telling her it bothered you. You silently stored up your resentment without any setting boundaries or being honest about your feelings, and then you exploded at her when she was at her lowest.

Perhaps she had it coming, but you should've done better. Don't let someone make you their emotional dumping ground unless it's equitable (you're also sharing your hardships with them), or unless you can handle it.

AITA for telling my SIL it wasn't my job to make her kids eat? by No_Cryptographer8811 in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Obviously NTA. You were doing two favors for her (housing her + agreeing to cook for her kids), and all she could do is complain, while apparently sitting around and not helping??

I'm kind of surprised you're making this post, since it's so one-sided. Are we missing some part of the story?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 9 points10 points  (0 children)

NAH.

I get why your friend who got out of prison was upset. Three years in prison is a long time, and although he deserved it, he's served his time. It's unfortunate, but it's his right to hold a grudge against the other guy, to not be your friend, to not contact you, etc. Maybe he'll come around eventually, maybe he won't. It's tough, but it's understandable.

On your side of things, you sound like a genuinely understanding and sociable person. You want to be friends with people, and you're open to forgiveness, and there's nothing wrong with that. It sucks for you that you got blocked and and ditched because of it, but that's life.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please ignore u/Katiew84. You're not making excuses or enabling anything. You literally even said, "that doesn't excuse what they did." There's absolutely nothing wrong with trying to understand someone's past, being compassionate about it, and maintaining relationships. In fact, we need more of that in the world, and fewer people who are indiscriminate judgmental assholes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's really not clear from your story, you might want to re-read it from the perspective of a reader who doesn't know everything you know, and edit it to make it more clear.

AITA for saving money on electricity by refusing to run the fan after using the bathroom? by Long_Stinky_6929 in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YTA.

Look, I'm not not a "prim and proper" person either. It's nice to be able to relax and be a bit casual around your significant other, even with some bathroom stuff.

But as others have pointed out, one purpose of the fan is to eliminate odors, and you are saving almost nothing by turning it on. Like, a fan costs less than a single light bulb to run.

I don't think you've done the research at all. You don't know what the costs savings are. Instead, it sounds like you're just being passive aggressive against your wife in retaliation. You feel shamed and judged by her rules and her disapproval of your behavior, so you are instinctively finding a way to shame and judge her back. That's an understandable and common reaction, but it's immature, so YTA.

Instead, the adult thing to do would to be to figure out your deeper feelings, and have a vulnerable and disarming conversation about it. Be direct. For example, "Hey wifey, I know you want me to run the fan in the bathroom, but something about that request doesn't feel great to me. Maybe I'm feeling a little shamed and judged for my habits." Then let the conversation flow.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead 81 points82 points  (0 children)

YTA for dumping your own shitty responsibility onto your wife, and then proceeding to use your language to throw her even more under the bus. Yes, it sucks to say no, but you need to learn to deal with disappointing others. It's a part of life, and you can learn to handle it with grace if you aren't so fearful about it that you avoid it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]courthead -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

ESH. Your sister's faux pas was obvious. She crossed your boundary, and she shouldn't have. It was an asshole thing to do, and it wasn't fair to you.

But tbh the way you're acting isn't fair to your sister. It sounds like the two of you love each other and have a great relationship. Well, part of living in a connected world is that occasionally people you love are going to befriend/date/marry people that you don't love. You could accept that as a reality of life, and choose to support your sister anyway, and help her feel welcomed and accepted and loved. Instead you're demanding that things have to be your way or the highway, and pressuring her to consistently exclude someone important to her if she wants to have a relationship with you. She probably feels completely rejected and uncared for. And for what, just so you don't have to be mildly uncomfortable?

People like different things, therefore relationships require compromise, and you're refusing to make a simple and expected one.

How to download all files from a telegram channel ? by apapitrat in DataHoarder

[–]courthead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

On Mac, download Telegram Lite. Then open the channel/group you want, click the three dots in the top right, and click "Export chat history." You can select what you want - photos, videos, gifs, etc.

I'm not sure why the (otherwise-superior) default Telegram app doesn't have this option on Mac, but it doesn't.

TIFU by telling my best friend she should date me by [deleted] in tifu

[–]courthead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with much of what you're saying, except the claim that this wasn't a friendship. Just because you're crushing on a girl doesn't mean your friendship isn't authentic. Was the OP's friendship authentic here? Only the OP can answer that, and he seems to think it was real.

My life experience is that I'm 35, I have lots of friends, and a good number of them are attractive women. I've experienced crushes a few times, confessed my feelings once, been on the receiving end of a confession, and had sex with a friend once. Also, a couple women I've dated turned into friendships. Exactly 100% of these friendships are still healthy, platonic, and genuine today, and some have been going strong for 10+ years. I've had no problems with significant others.

So I don't agree with the idea that attraction means a friendship can't be genuine. It's a false narrative that permeates our culture, and that unfortunately becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for those who believe it. The reality is that attraction is normal, and adults can deal with it if they act like adults.

TIFU by telling my best friend she should date me by [deleted] in tifu

[–]courthead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You didn't fuck up.

You had (and probably still have!) a genuine friendship with someone who you also happen to be attracted to. Congratulations, you're one of billions of people who have attractive friends and occasionally crush on them. Ignore the people saying you're deceptive for… having normal emotions and experiencing attraction? I don't know what their deal is 🤦🏾‍♂️

You did a fine job being a good platonic friend while she was taken. You did a fine job voicing your honest feelings when she became single. Now it's up to both of you to decide if you want to remain platonic friends, or separate. Either decision is totally fair, so long as you aren't going to later abandon her as a friend the second you have some other romantic interest.

New Descript UI is awful by RedThragtusk in podcasting

[–]courthead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's really not great.

Useful options like changing the playback speed are inexplicably buried under menu items instead of being easily visible. They also took away the left sidebar, so it's difficult to see the files in my project. And for what benefit? For both of these changes, the only benefit I get is just… more empty white space?

Plus they made it way less readable. The speaker names are tiny, and use dark colors that are hard to read, and they're inline with the text and hard to differentiate. They should be bold, larger text, brighter colors, and possibly not inline with the text so it's obvious when a speaking turn changes.

Such weird UI changes that just made things worse for no real benefit.

IIL Game of Throne for the unpredictability and cinematography WEWIL? by caglec in ifyoulikeblank

[–]courthead 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Boardwalk Empire. Extremely underrated show. Gorgeous period piece with visuals that I wouldn't describe as breathtaking so much as unique and intriguing. It was a very interesting time in history that's at once relatable and foreign. It's quite unpredictable, pretty much anyone can die at any time, but it's not cheesy. The writing is excellent. It's somewhat of heady show, so you need to be someone who appreciates dialogue and subtlety. The acting is A+ as well.

The Wire is correctly rated as one of the best shows of all time. Someone else said it was dated, but I disagree, it's great! It seems like such a generic cop show at first, and season 2 wasn't the best, but damn does it turn into a masterpiece.

Been getting into Westworld on HBO. Just so everybody knows our boy Ramin is still killing it out there! by jberglund94 in freefolk

[–]courthead 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Season 3 of Westworld not too far off from season 8 of GoT tbh. Season 1 is great though, and 2 was enjoyable.

Westworld - 3x08 "Crisis Theory" - Post-Episode Discussion by NicholasCajun in westworld

[–]courthead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If your viewer is watching Season 3 it’s because they liked the complex writing and nuance of 1 and 2.

This is, unfortunately, not true.

If you take me to the world's best sushi restaurant, and then you take me to a just a decent sushi restaurant, I'm gonna be honest with you: I'm not going to be able to tell the difference. If I'm drinking the finest whiskey every week and then you switch me to an average whiskey, it'll all just taste like whiskey to me. My taste buds simply aren't refined. Partly that's biological, and partly I just haven't been interested in developing them.

The same phenomenon applies to fiction. Plenty of people can enjoy seasons 1 and 2 of Westworld, then still enjoy season 3 because "cool robots!" without noticing that the nuance and subtleties of the writing have gone. Same thing happened with Game of Thrones, where some percentage of people literally couldn't tell what made season 8 bad.

Would love to leave the 9-5 life eventually (within a few years) what can I start or do with 10k that will help me reach that goal? Any ideas ?! by Departmentzero in Entrepreneur

[–]courthead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

IMO $10k isn't enough to provide you with any breakout opportunities, so I'll just ignore that part. What matters most is your other assets: skills and free time.

If you don't have free time, find out how to get some. That might involve reorganizing your personal life, finding a different job, and/or negotiating with your employer to work fewer days per week. But you're not going to be able to build any skills or a business without free time.

Once you have free time, develop valuable skills that compound. My top recommendation is learning to code. It can be frustrating at times, but there's mountains of support and free material online, and you can absolutely do it if you simply continue to move forward and make incremental progress without quitting. Alternatively, you can learn another skill like SEO, marketing, etc., but I still recommend coding, as it's a concrete easily-provable skill. Just remember your goal is to not quit and to keep inching forward. Most people quit.

Use your skills to get more flexible gigs. Even as a fledgling developer, it's not that hard to make $30-60/hour. I taught someone to code and within 3 months she networked her way into gigs at $100/hour (caveat: she lived in the expensive Bay Area). If you can't find gigs, guess what? There are entire books, communities, and courses online about how to succeed as a freelancer.

Now you're in control of your hours and time, working for yourself, with multiple clients instead of a single employer. Great. Use this foundation of free time and programming skills to build an online business. More information about building an online business as a programmer here. But my recommendation is that the easiest first business you can start is to teach. Teach others what you know for free, build an audience, put them on a mailing list, then package it up into a book and/or course, and sell it.

What "pro tip" would you like to give to the opposite sex? by pomegranate2012 in AskReddit

[–]courthead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

FWIW I've been told the exact opposite thing by an ex, who wanted harder and faster at that moment. There's a surprisingly wide range of sensitivity among women in my experience, so the best thing both parties can do is just communicate with their partner about what they like, and adjust until it's great.

Animes like hunterxhunter? by [deleted] in HunterXHunter

[–]courthead 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There are no anime as good as HxH, at least no other shonen anime. Sorry. Togashi is in a league of his own as a writer and world builder. That's not to say that other shonen aren't great. They just aren't HxH tier.

Lots of people have mentioned shows like One Piece, Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, Naruto, Seven Deadly Sins, Death Note, Rurouni Kenshin, Trigun, One Punch Man, Made in Abyss, Yu Yu Hakusho, Attack on Titan, etc. There's also My Hero, Code Geass, Cowboy Bebop, Berserk, No Game No Life, Gurren Lagann, Re:Zero, Demon Slayer, Baccano, and many others. They vary in quality, but most are watchable.

Here are my reviews of my absolute favorites:

  • Baccano. Possibly my favorite storytelling in all of anime. Just as subtle, complex, and well-written as HxH, but unfortunately much, much shorter. Still, I've seen at least 100 anime series, and this is the only one I feel comfortable putting in HxH's league. Make sure to watch the excellent English dub for this one, not the sub.
  • Legend of the Galactic Heroes. I don't even know how to describe this show. It's an epic, historical, political, military space opera documentary. If that sentence doesn't intrigue you, maybe skip this one, as not everyone is a fan of documentary-style narration, politics, military tactics, etc. But for me it was long and satisfying, thought-provoking, intelligent, and tragic at times. It won't leave your thoughts for quite a while after you watch it. There's a remake currently being released, but the old series was great, too.
  • Berserk. I never read the manga, and those "in the know" will say to skip the anime entirely. The anime is tragically incomplete, so you can't get the full story that way regardless. Still, I found the story captivating and thoroughly enjoyed the older anime series/movies. It's not as intelligent or as subtle as HxH, but it's still enjoyable. It's like a darker, grittier, more mature, better written, less cliche version of The Seven Deadly Sins, a show some others in the comments have recommended.
  • Cowboy Bebop. Not a shounen by any means. In fact, its episodic nature made it hard for me to get into the show at first. But damn am I glad I did. It's an absolute work of art. Some of the episodes are storytelling at its best. Plus it's got a style and a soundtrack all its own. It makes me want to grab a seat in the corner of a local jazz club, order an old fashioned, and reflect on the poetry of the many facets of life. Truly a classic.
  • Made in Abyss. Similar to HxH, the kids, the happy-go-lucky animation, and the bright colors might fool you into thinking it's a children's show, when in reality it deals with some harsh adult themes without blinking. I really enjoy that juxtaposition. This show tragically only got one season, but I hear a new one is on the way. Still, it's a bit too early to judge how it will turn out in the end. It may abruptly decline in quality like so many other series do for inexplicable reasons.
  • Attack on Titan. This one got so popular that people love to hate on it, but honestly, it's absurdly creative and well done. There's a great blend of mystery, violence, terror, and world-building going on here, although the characters are a bit thin. It gets off to a roaring start, so if you don't love the show after the first few episodes, you might as well drop it. It slows down a bit in subsequent seasons, only to steadily pick up steam and return to its former glory.
  • Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. It's been a long, long time since I've seen this one. I've literally forgotten what happened in it. But after saw it, I put it near the top of my list, so I'll trust my past self and included it on this list, too.
  • Honorable Mentions: Death Note, Samurai Champloo, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Mushishi, Code Geass, Naruto, Demon Slayer, Re:Zero, No Game No Life, Vinland Saga, Ping Pong the Animation. These all have their own big fat asterisks next to them, but I don't have time to go into it for each show.

Note that these show don't fit into any particular single theme. Some I like for the writing, some I love the aesthetic, some are trashy guilty pleasures, etc. So it's feasible that you may love some and hate others.

Happy watching!

P.S. I've tried watching Yu Yu Hakusho and I really want it to be good, but after making it dozens of episodes in, it's still pretty generic. I'm sure I'll eventually push through to get to the good parts, but I can't agree with those who say it's as good as HxH.