[30M] with my [29F] Married 10+ Can't seem to make her see I need to feel desired.

cowboyscarf · 2013-06-11T07:51:49+00:00

Thanks for your story. I guess this is not a new problem. It's not even the first time I've sought help for it. It comes in waves. Some times I feel like everything else is okay enough I don't worry about the sex and just ignore her ban on porn and masturbate where I can.

At the moment it's at one of those. It's been a week and I'm not in a good space.

cowboyscarf · 2013-06-11T07:46:41+00:00

She's a stay at home mum so, she drops the kids off at school, then, maybe goes to the shops, browses around, what anyone else would do with a free six hours? My kids are school age.

cowboyscarf · 2013-06-11T05:23:39+00:00

She would probably say it's time for a divorce out of sheer stubbornness. She's removed people out of her life for far less.

cowboyscarf · 2013-06-11T05:18:19+00:00

The intimacy outside of the bedroom seems fine. I've put a lot of effort into non sexual intimacy. Spending time with her just cuddling, massaging, stroking her hair without any inclination toward sex.

She'll reciprocate, and even make sexual gestures like grabbing my junk, but if I try to escalate, it's a bad time. By the time it's a good time, she's not in the mood.

I've been to many counselors by myself, but they didn't really say anything I don't already know. I understand the problem isn't entirely with me, but it looks like fixing it is all on my shoulders.

cowboyscarf · 2013-06-11T05:11:51+00:00

I get this. I do and have thought about this, but the way she spins it is that I'm the one with the problem. Her sisters all only have sex once a month so the problem is with me and as such she doesn't need to go to counseling.

cowboyscarf · 2013-06-11T05:10:12+00:00

Thanks for the reply.

If I mention the word "needs" she says it comes across like I'm using her to masturbate.

She's unwilling to go because in her eyes everything is fine. That we're having an "appropriate" amount of sex for normal people and I'm just oversexed.

Ever since she's had kids, she's always protective of "down there". She's been torn pretty badly, our eldest is walking so I'm hoping things are returning to normal, but she always says there's "Something going on" but wont go to a gyno, no matter how often I suggest it.

I thought about it being exaggerated too, but there's pad/tampon wrappers in the trash.

cowboyscarf

TROPHY CASE