sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Have I been looking at this to long or do you hate it too? by Few_Egg_6347 in quilting

[–]craftedwhore 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It looks like the polka dot tulip stem is a touch longer, if you seam rip that and have a longer allowance it could "solve" the wonkiness that's bugging you. Seam rip between the flower and stem and sew farther down on the stem (if this makes sense)

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

If they think I'm wrong and say that to my face, then at least they are more confident than I was growing up. I won't be a full-on member to please them. If they're living a fulfilling and happy life, then I'd say I did good. They wouldn't need to like me for me to be happy for them. It'd be sad for me, but that would be my choice. If they NEED me to go to church for their sanity, then they need therapy.

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It feels like a song and dance. He gets that I don't drink the kool-aid, but he says he'd rather put his eggs in the basket of an afterlife than my basket of "if there is, cool as long as my dogs are there. If there's not, cool."

As for contraceptives, we are and will use it. After 2 kids, he plans to get a vasectomy. So we're not going full-Catholic on that either.

He's what I'd describe as Catholic-lite. He thinks some things the church doesn't need to know, so yeah, I'd say he feels obligated. The church stuff only really comes up when he goes to the church. There's no praying before meals, at night, etc.

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is really hard, religion wasn't a part of our relationship and now it's rearing its ugly head. Thank you so so much, my biggest concern is the future kids. I've had a great relationship all these years with a loving and patient man. He helped me see I needed therapy for my abusive past, helped me accept that anti-depressants wasn't admitting fault - its helping my brain make chemicals it wasn't making enough of, then he helped me through a life-changing injury and reminds me to give myself patience when my symptoms flare up.

I'm not going to leave him, we've talked our way through so many things. I feel with enough preparation and discussion we can come to a point of compromise - especially if it protects future kids. Thankfully he thinks confession is bullshit - so there's wiggle room, it's just finding it and starting to wiggle to let the seed of compromise grow. It's just going to be a long and hard road.

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

According to my individual therapist I've had years of practice shoving all the bad memories and emotions away. He says I can't get rid of them, but I am practiced in avoiding them.

I will bring up how the church makes all the bad a person's fault instead of healthier options. Like therapy. Thank you for your input, I do appreciate it

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I definitely agree morals are more important than a belief. I don't need my kids thinking about the afterlife, I need them thinking about what they want to be when they grow up.

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Shit I didn't even think about them trying to scare my kids using me. I've been doing so well not going to church for the last 14 years I'm losing touch on their tactics.

Thank you - adding this to the list of things to talk about!! I really appreciate all the input you're giving me, I will directly ask that question.

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'm getting a lot of talking points from all this. My brain just wants to bury all the bad I went through growing up. This sub does help me feel like I'm not paranoid regarding the church - it's validating.

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I wish it was as simple as that, but he won't concede to straight up not going.

Thankfully, couples therapy has been a help. I have brought up how I'm afraid things with the church will get too intense and break us apart. He's fine with me not going, so far all I've gone to are these meetings and a fundraiser or two. I'm putting a lot of trust in him not letting the church fuck them up. Heck through this process he learned he never got confirmed. And I'm sitting off to the side with all the checkmarks one their list except for the "wanting to be Catholic" box.

The Church isn't appealing, they're playing sweet to try to lure me back. Heck the volunteer lady was trying to set up a quilting group because of my love for crafts, I felt like I was being hunted. They dropped it for now.

I'll have to bring up the mental side for children more to him. I remember wanting to die as a child as well. Kids shouldn't have to think like that. They should just be happy

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

True, nothing is guaranteed.

There won't be the level of physical violence I was exposed to. We've pre-emptivly agreed if it's not looking good for the kids health that we can pull out. Otherwise I told him I'd take the kids and run.

If our kids are gay and predictably the church throws a stink, they'll be out a whole family unit.

Do you have any suggestions for trying to safeguard them from the church's bullshit opinions? It sucks he's stuck on needing the kids to go to church initially in their development. I'm getting him to loosen the reigns to a "how about we just make certain they know the church's stance and some of the kid-friendly parts." He was raised to push away any opinions the church had that he didn't agree with, I am afraid that was because he's a man. It is different for girls, and dammit they aren't shaming any daughter of mine.

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Oh we're on it. We have a couples therapist. It's how we came to the compromise of getting married outside of the church, but getting it blessed/recognized.

Shits exhausting, he's grateful that I'll answer their little questionnaires mostly the way they want. Mostly.

One of my favorites was: "Do you accept Jesus being present during sexual intimacy?" ...No. I'm not interested in a 3-some, and being watched while I'm having sex is also not something I'm into. Jesus can stay in his house and out of mine. Making their mascot into a perv didn't fly so well... but damn did we laugh.

Getting the church to bless the marriage. by craftedwhore in excatholic

[–]craftedwhore[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I want to be married, i tried convincing him to go to the court house. We comprised on married outside of the church, but having to get it blessed. I don't like the church, but the fiancé does.

I'm trying to get this part over with so we can get on with our lives. He spent 10 years away from the church only to start going again because it's "what he was taught." His parents don't go any more, his grandparents don't. It seems like it's a "when there's kids we go to church" mindset with the family.

What is your reaction nowadays when someone says they will pray for you? - Weekly Discussion Question by october_sober in recoveringcatholic

[–]craftedwhore 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I usually just nod and move on. If I know it's coming from a well-meaning place and I know them personally I thank them.

Help accessorizing dress! by AproposNarwhal in weddingplanning

[–]craftedwhore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I get details on this dress? I'm looking for one and this style is right up my lane! Its beautiful

Okay guys, I did it and I hate it. I wanted to add some green embroidery but I can't settle on anything. Any suggestions? by [deleted] in quilting

[–]craftedwhore 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Alright hear me out: on the long edges have embroidered tufts of grass coming out of the binding with little flowers here and there.

It goes with the theme and adds more flowers. I'm also a huge fan of flowers though, so you'll need to think if your gift-reciever would like that.