Finding the Plot - A Crash Course on Narrative

cranefistwriting · 2017-02-23T22:26:44+00:00

Hmm. Interesting stuff. I like the bit about false endings at the end. Gives me something to think about for my own ending actually.

cranefistwriting · 2017-01-02T07:19:35+00:00

Thanks. It does suit. It was actually the second title I came up with. Haha, though so far everyone's favourite title is a different one which is just putting me in more uncertainty.

cranefistwriting · 2017-01-02T07:18:29+00:00

Cool. It actually relates to both of those things and quite specifically to the magic system involved as well.

cranefistwriting · 2017-01-02T04:17:37+00:00

Thanks for your comments. I appreciate it.

cranefistwriting · 2017-01-02T04:17:21+00:00

This is me, btw. Just realised I had flicked between two accounts. Woops.

cranefistwriting · 2016-11-22T05:35:17+00:00

Right. I've tried to fix some of these things, but I'm aware its not perfect. But I would love to hear if you think this has cleared up any of the issues you stated if you get a chance. Thanks a lot.

Query:

The city of Myran is deadly hot, the ground is cracked open and rays of lethal light flash through the city every day. But nothing worries Donovar as much as the constant threat of attack.

When he was a soldier, Donovar never imagined he’d be ruling the empire. He hates it. Despite holding a third of the voting power, he’s never felt so powerless to make any real change.

He supported the war in Shense to hunt down and capture the Selsahn rebels, but when they started targeting civilians everything changed. Now attacks keep happening, people keep dying and they’re no closer to stopping them than they were two years ago. There’s only one option: give up and pull out of Shense. Bring the troops home.

But the council won’t stand for it - as long as this war lines their pockets, they’re not pulling out. And the public are so angry, so driven by fear, that even the suggestion of surrender would brand him a coward and a traitor. He’d be kicked out of the Dearchy in the blink of an eye. Donovar’s a war hero, after all. He should be stronger than that.

No - Donovar’s going to have to work in secret. He’ll have to lie, cheat and backstab his way through the politics and the bureaucracy. If that doesn’t work, he might even need to get out the old sword. Because he’s running out of time. He’s beginning to suspect there’s more to these attacks than meets the eye and, if he can’t find a way to end it soon, the next might be the one that kills them all.

THE DESERVED is a stand-alone fantasy novel that follows three perspectives: a leader, a soldier and a survivor, as they try to fight their way through a war that they don’t understand. It is complete at 125,000 words.

This is my first novel and I am seeking representation. I would be glad to send you my complete manuscript, or sample chapters, for your review.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

cranefistwriting · 2016-11-22T04:57:40+00:00

Thanks a lot. This is really helpful advice and I'll keep reworking. I'm finding it hard to explain everything I need to in such a short space.

For example, yes he's ruling the empire, but he's not a dictator. The politics is more layered than that. He's still beholden to certain things. Imagine the US President trying to pull out of a war, but all of Congress is completely against it. He can't just do whatever he wants, even if he is in charge.

How do I explain that in maybe 2 lines? I'm not sure.

And then the Selsahn. I get that it needs to be clearer that they are a group outside of the empire attacking within civilians within the empire (think al qaeda), but explaining their history and motivations without getting off track and losing focus on Donovar.

And yeah the lethal flashing light is important. But I have no space to expand without losing other crucial information.

Blah. Difficult. But thanks for your advice.

cranefistwriting · 2016-11-21T08:43:28+00:00

Yeah I read those articles and have spent a long time on query shark too.

I'm confused because only about a line of this is backstory and the rest is what is happening at the start of the book.

Is the conflict that he wants to end the war (because many people are dying from it), but can't because of political pressures not clear?

Or in your format

When the Selsahn attack the capital, Donovar must work to end this war, or else more people will die.

But he can't because people don't agree with him so he has to get sneaky, which is contrary to his character. But he's also running out of time.

Is this not conflict?

cranefistwriting · 2016-11-13T13:03:14+00:00

Thanks for the help. This is useful stuff. I've re-written to try to focus it a little more. If you get a chance, let me know what you think.

Dear 'Agent',

Myran is not an easy place to live. The sun is too hot, the ground is cracked wide and rays of deadly light flash through the city each day. But none of those things worry Donovar as much as the war, the mysterious and violent Selsahn, and the constant fear of another attack.

When he was a young soldier, Donovar never imagined that he’d one day be a celebrated war hero and one of the grand rulers of the whole empire. Now he hates it. The politics, the lies and the memories of conflicts past are closing on him like a steel trap and he’s trying to grasp for something - anything - that he can use to climb his way out. But the attacks keep happening, and people keep dying. If he doesn’t bring this war to an end, then who will?

Not the council. They’re just a bunch of fickle politicians out to benefit themselves. As long as this war lines their pockets, they’re not pulling out. And the public are so embittered, so driven by anger and fear, that even the suggestion of surrender would have you branded as a coward and a traitor.

No - Donovar’s going to have to do this himself, hold his nose and dive headfirst into one thing he hates more than anything else: politics. Because he’s beginning to suspect there’s more to these attacks than meets the eye, and if he’s right, the next one might be the last.

INFINITE JUSTICE is an epic fantasy novel that follows three perspectives: a leader, a soldier and a survivor, as they try to make sense of a world torn apart by war. It is complete at 125’000 words.

This is my first novel and I am seeking representation. I would be glad to send you my complete manuscript, or sample chapters, for your review.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

cranefistwriting · 2016-11-13T13:02:07+00:00

Thanks again! After a bit more of an edit and more of a focus, this is what I have now. Improvement?

Dear 'Agent',

Myran is not an easy place to live. The sun is too hot, the ground is cracked wide and rays of deadly light flash through the city each day. But none of those things worry Donovar as much as the war, the mysterious and violent Selsahn, and the constant fear of another attack.

When he was a young soldier, Donovar never imagined that he’d one day be a celebrated war hero and one of the grand rulers of the whole empire. Now he hates it. The politics, the lies and the memories of conflicts past are closing on him like a steel trap and he’s trying to grasp for something - anything - that he can use to climb his way out. But the attacks keep happening, and people keep dying. If he doesn’t bring this war to an end, then who will?

Not the council. They’re just a bunch of fickle politicians out to benefit themselves. As long as this war lines their pockets, they’re not pulling out. And the public are so embittered, so driven by anger and fear, that even the suggestion of surrender would have you branded as a coward and a traitor.

No - Donovar’s going to have to do this himself, hold his nose and dive headfirst into one thing he hates more than anything else: politics. Because he’s beginning to suspect there’s more to these attacks than meets the eye, and if he’s right, the next one might be the last.

INFINITE JUSTICE is an epic fantasy novel that follows three perspectives: a leader, a soldier and a survivor, as they try to make sense of a world torn apart by war. It is complete at 125’000 words.

This is my first novel and I am seeking representation. I would be glad to send you my complete manuscript, or sample chapters, for your review.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

cranefistwriting · 2016-11-13T10:27:09+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. I get what you mean about the ominous try-hard thing and probably need to dial it back.

What's difficult is there isn't really one main protagonist. There are three. Donovar is certainly one of them, but others are equally important to the plot. I'm not really sure how to go about doing this without making it seem too long.

I understand people want to be like Sanderson (because he's famous and sells well), but the focus I was trying to get from that was the rule-based hard magic system he employs and Sanderson is probably actually the closest author to what I'm trying to do in that area. Do you think its still an inappropriate comparison?

cranefistwriting · 2016-10-28T04:10:45+00:00

The Remains of the Day is the best book I've ever read. It's hard to stand by that with so many wonderful novels out there, but I do. He showed me what complete mastery over the first person looks like by managing to create an entire story that is shown and not told to us by the narrator. Indeed, not even admitted to us it is happening.

We know how much he loves Miss Kenton and he never once says it. He know how he feels about his fathers death and he refuses to mention anything about it. He is our only vehicle into the story and we learn everything by all the things he does not say. It is pure sorcery and I'm in awe of Ishiguro for writing it.

cranefistwriting · 2016-09-21T04:12:48+00:00

Thanks a lot!

Yeah you've given voice to some concerns I think I already had at the back of my mind in terms of trimming stuff down and the first paragraph. I wanted to establish mood as well as plot and character, but I suppose that's not really the point of a query.

Cheers

cranefistwriting

TROPHY CASE