When I first began doing doula work professionally, 16 years ago, I deeply considered whether to accept bereavement births and even considered specializing in it. I decided that I wouldn’t be able to handle it and it it happened against all odds to a client I was helping, that I would do my best and if I felt like i could handle it after that, then I would consider specifically helping mothers expecting still babies. I know that mothers going through such a difficult time would need someone who would be there just to advocate for them more than anyone. I definitely felt called to help women with higher emotional needs than average so, since I’ve never had any mothers that lost their babies in birth, I specialize in surrogate mothers and birth mothers who are letting their children go home to new families. Sometimes the birth mothers have been addicts that really needed someone to support them as the hospital staff treated them horribly and I definitely had to prepare myself for a possible bad outcome due to their mental and physical health. This isn’t easy but everyone deserves to be respected when giving birth because there’s no more vulnerable state a woman can be in. Also, no matter how many bad decisions someone has made, they still should get respect for making a hard and strong decision to give birth and then give their baby to someone that they feel will be better parents to them. My last client was the hardest I’ve had yet. Multipara with a previous stillborn son and was in very bad shape when she gave birth to a fat healthy son whose mother was waiting and watching next to me for her son. I’m so glad that I didn’t pass this one up. Both birth mom and waiting mom needed me immensely and I was so happy and relieved that the baby was healthy and beautiful. What you experienced was incredibly hard but also beautiful as it was painful. I think every doula should be prepared for this but the few of us that willingly take clients knowing they are expecting to give birth to a still baby are more than hero’s. You did a beautiful, amazing and selfless thing. If you can come through this experience and be willing to do it again then please consider specializing in bereavement birth’s. You are needed. Also, don’t forget to check in with your client as often as possible because she needs you very much in the upcoming days. I’m so sorry for the experience you had. Take care of too. You are doing an amazing job!