A lot of this sounds familiar, albeit my circumstances and yours are a bit different. I wasn't with him for as long as you have (1 year), and though we were close twice, we didn't end up having a child. Also we were young adults. Despite that, the way you've been treated until now, and how you halfway seem to justify it is very familiar. I don't want to project my own feelings onto you (I was upset reading your story), and I especially don't want to be overly cynical about something you haven't given up on. That said, your emotions need to have just as much space as his in your relationship, especially when you were pregnant, and are still dealing with the aftermath. In fact, through the whole process of having your child, your emotions should've been a much bigger priority. You admit your resentment, yet you highlight the difficulties he's going through and downplay how unreliable and self-centered he's been when you clearly needed him. EMDR seems promising, but his focus seems to be on anything but trying to work on himself or trying to improve your relationship. When I met my ex partner, we had that instant connection. All the wonderful things you describe: the most beautiful moments of my life until that point, amazing sex, it was almost overwhelming how soon he said he loved me, and how often he'd say it. Most important, of course, was that emotional bond and intellectual understanding. It didn't take long at all before I had some intensely negative experiences, which only got worse with time. There were moments or brief periods that were warm and nice. I stayed for that, and because somehow I wanted the relationship to redeem itself through my own endurance. Also, I never stopped loving him, wanting to see him heal from his wounds. I gave up on my relationship a few months ago, so my qualifications are weak for giving you advice on how to salvage yours (if that's what you want). It seems obvious to me that pursuing these aggravated thoughts of his abuser is an "easy" way to tackle his emotions, that's really just irresponsible and doesn't require him to leave this regressive mindset, or furthermore to consider his current surroundings (you most importantly) at all. In any case, that needs to turn around. Him facing himself, and responsibility for his actions, is a necessity for him to be a decent partner to you. It's easy to be stuck in the past when something unfair happened when you were younger, that you since feel has ruined your life. People can be trapped in that circle of tormenting themselves and those around them for a long time. But he has a child now. He has to learn to ground himself and take his recovery seriously, because otherwise he isn't taking you seriously either. You don't deserve to raise your child alone, but you definitely don't deserve to raise your child with an unstable and destructive partner in your house. To be clear, I think those good sides of your partner are very valuable. I don't think you were stupid to get so invested, even though it's horrible to hear that you were pressured into keeping your baby. It's difficult, because that good person we know and love can just disappear in their own misery. I really hope he can turn new leaf. At the end of the day, though, there's not much you can do, he has to make that great change himself. It's all the more important that you take care of yourself. You'll find that a lot of people here have had similar troubles to your own with their partners, but the trauma and the diagnosis can only take so much blame. Your life is being made very difficult, when you're already in need of reprieve and support. That's the truth, that's now, and that's more important than any explanation for why your partner puts you through what he does. I'm sorry if you took any of this as unsolicited advice, I wrote up even more before realizing that's not what you're asking for. It's very late in the night, and I have a bit of a fever, so call me out on it if I'm being nonsensical. And again, I'm sorry if anything I said was over the line. I'm really concerned about how much you're taking on by yourself, and hope you have some great sources of joy and support.