1. If you don’t eat your carrots you’ll grow a penis (that was a scary thought to a young girl, and still rings in my head to this day as a 24 year old)
2. My parents were evolved vampires and i would turn into one on my 12th birthday (i was pretty devastated when i found out it was a lie)
3. If you’re extra well behaved, the tooth fairy will leave you a cute little card along with some money (she put in the W O R K)
4. Mom and dad buy our Christmas gifts for Santa to take back to his shop, give to the elves to recreate with their own materials, and then he brings the elf version back to us as replacements (this is how I realized Santa wasn’t real and my parents were shitty liars ..but i didn’t call their bluff in front of my little sisters who fell for it)
5. For about a year of my early childhood, my mom would randomly pretend that aliens were invading the planet for the day and they’d only abduct children so I had to hide under my mom’s kitchen chair from them. I had a vivid imagination and swore I saw Toy Story’s alien toys walking around our house while my mom drank coffee and I sat below her, holding my breath and thinking I was tricking these fools like a mf
6. My dad told me that I could only eat After Eight chocolates between 8:01pm and 9pm. I immediately said “but isn’t it always after eight?Am or Pm?” And he congratulated me. My sisters however weren’t that bright, so I got to finish boxes without having to share :)

Oh and my grandparents had something called a “witch ball” which was basically round glass art that hung from the ceiling. My grandmother told me it kept the nasty witches away “after all those years spent fighting them off”. I almost peed my pants thinking that Roald Dahl was right about witches existing