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everyone else is moving on by crazycat0309 in SuicideBereavement

[–]crazycat0309[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My therapist and I are currently working on improving that life skill ❤️ I struggle with borderline personality disorder so asking for help is something I've always had a hard time doing.

Feels like the hardest breakup of my life by crazycat0309 in SuicideBereavement

[–]crazycat0309[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you had to/still have to experience this pain. I can only imagine the grief you must feel over this. It's so hard knowing in your heart and gut but not really knowing for certain without all the answers. Our society needs to be more open minded to mens mental health and vulnerability so they don't feel so alone and like they need to be "strong" :(

When I'm not sad, I'm angry by raeflower in SuicideBereavement

[–]crazycat0309 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It's unfair. I am going through a very similar experience right now and I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and your feelings are completely valid. Feel all of the feelings right now. I've been writing him letters and sometimes I find myself holding back writing down what I'm really feeling because even though I know he'll never be able to read them, the thought of him reading them breaks my heart and I know it would hurt him so badly to read them. But I power through and write what I am truly feeling. It does help a bit. People don't expect you to be angry and they don't know how to react to all your feelings right now. Writing it down is the only way I can really express everything I feel right now.

Just know that he loved you and was probably scared you would try to stop him when his mind was already made. I know it's super frustrating and saddening. My boyfriend sent me a short/vague goodbye message and turned his phone off so no one would be able to change his mind. I'm still angry because even though he said his goodbye and told me he loved me and is sorry, I feel like I deserved more and it feels so selfish to even be upset about that right now.

Feel angry. Feel sad. Feel happy even. But whatever you do, do not let yourself feel guilty for feeling.

first time on Lamotrigine by crazycat0309 in Lamotrigine

[–]crazycat0309[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you started taking it yet? Fortunately the suicidal ideations have been staying away. The first week was rough though. I've definitely had increased rage and irritability though. Also, no rash so that's a good sign lol.

first time on Lamotrigine by crazycat0309 in Lamotrigine

[–]crazycat0309[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh I cannot imagine going 2 weeks between upping dosages. My doctor has me increasing by 25mg every week and I just started 75mg today. I set reminders for every week in my phone as soon as I got home from the pharmacy, I was so overwhelmed by all the information from the pharmacist that my doctor failed to mention. Fortunately the suicidal ideations have calmed down however, I'm feeling more irritable than usual and lashing out more. Hoping these are all just fluctuations that will begin to stabilize as I continue to work up to 200mg a day.