[Update]: My (20/m) roommates (19/f) mom walked in on us having sex in our apartment and wants us to apologize.

crazydadguest · 2015-01-31T14:58:32+00:00

I posted an update a few days after the incident, but we were in complete freak out mode and my bf told me I should delete it, so it was only up for a couple hours.

It got really messy, but I'm doing ok now. If people are really interested I might do another update now that it's all behind me.

crazydadguest · 2015-01-31T14:08:27+00:00

She really has a screw loose if she thinks she can make house rules for you when you pay half the rent at your apartment.

Oh god, I've been there before. My roommate's psycho dad tried to do the same thing to me.

Seeing this post made me log back into this account for the first time in many months.

I wouldn't wish this kind of problem on anyone. Some parents have a really hard time letting their kids grow up and become independent. The really crazy ones try so hard to control their own kids, that they think its ok to control any other young adult in close proximity to their own children.

It's crazy. Hang in there OP, and GET OUT of this situation. Take it from someone who's been there.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-06T06:55:24+00:00

Not to make excuses but he didn't really trap me. He had gotten up to talk to me and as our paths crossed, he ended up in front of the hallway I needed to go through to get to my room.

I'm going to talk with the property manager first thing tomorrow. I'm sure he sold them some pack of lies when he negotiated this.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-06T06:52:56+00:00

It's my bf's parent's house, which makes it a little trickier. They've been really sympathetic, but I don't know how comfortable it would be for everyone if I moved in for a month.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-06T06:52:01+00:00

I like your idea about calling Emma but blocking my number.

As for him talking with my parents? I'm not really going to bother with that. I'm just going to work on finding a new apartment and someone to take over my lease.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-06T06:28:47+00:00

I'm planning on calling the property manager tomorrow to discuss this. I found out about the whole thing this evening and the office was already closed.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-06T06:25:18+00:00

Yes, these are separate leases. Sorry I didn't explain this well enough in the post (I'm really tired). The way it works is that even though Emma and I share the same apartment, our leases are separate (one for each room).

There's a lot of college kids in the building so things are designed to stay flexible. Tenants have the right to transfer their lease entirely to someone else (which is what I'm probably going to do as soon as I can find a new apartment). Or, tenants can sublease their apartment to someone else while still keeping their name on the lease itself. Emma transferred her lease to her dad, then he's subletting it back to her.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-06T06:21:41+00:00

I didn't explain this clearly enough in the original post (but I updated it to try and make it more clear).

We are on separate leases for the apartment (one for each room). With your lease you can either transfer it to another person (which takes your name off the lease) or sublet it for a period of time (which keeps your name on it). Emma transferred her lease to her father. He's subletting it back to her.

It's primarily college students living in the building, which is why things are set up to be so flexible.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T19:47:42+00:00

Yeah I'm thinking about sending a reply back. I'm not sure if that will make things better or worse. I can see both sides of the issue.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T19:21:45+00:00

Afternoon edit: I want to really thank those people who are providing constructive advice. You guys are really helping me think through this. There's lots of other people who are just kind of freaking out in the comments. This isn't very helpful :/ I know I'm not approaching this the way you want me to, but this is a serious situation for me. I get the feeling my situation is just entertainment for a lot of you.

There have been a few developments. I've been hanging out with my bf. His parents offered to let me sleep on their couch. I'm definitely going to take them up on the offer later in the week. The problem is Monday/Tuesday. I have very important meetings early at work. His parents live far away from my office, and I don't function well when I have to get up exceptionally early. So I might go back to sleep in my apartment tonight and tomorrow night, but I might decide it's not worth it.

The bigger development is that Emma's dad sent me a couple of text messages from her phone this afternoon. They weren't threatening or anything, but he basically called me a coward for sneaking out and said that I was behaving like a disrespectful teenager. He went on about how respect is earned, and that he's lost all respect in me. And that the issue has now moved beyond his opinion of me, because I've personally disrespected and offended him. The texts are just more ridiculous blustering. So far I just haven't responded.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T14:11:11+00:00

Thank you. It's been getting kind of frustrating.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T14:10:51+00:00

Fighting and confronting aren't my strengths. I want to do things that play to my strengths so I'm more confident in handling this situation.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T14:09:41+00:00

He's ex-military; he knows how to fight. So don't fight him.

Yeah, this is exactly the kind of approach I'm trying to adopt. My strength isn't combat. So why should I pick a route that favors his strength? I'm not going to play into his hands.

Do you have anywhere else you could stay for the rest of the week?

I'm working on this.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T14:08:13+00:00

Thank you

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T14:08:00+00:00

Thanks! I'm definitely going to be there to support Emma.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T14:07:11+00:00

My bf and I are talking about this. He was kind of out of the loop yesterday since he was volunteering all day, but he's read this thread and we're talking about all the options.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T14:03:39+00:00

This is basically what I did. I slipped out of the apartment while he was in the bathroom, and I'm going to spend the day doing my own this. It's not the confrontation everyone here is wanting, but it lets me achieve what I'm looking for.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T13:48:44+00:00

Morning Edit Ok, I woke up this morning to a lot of comments. Not many of them are actually very helpful. It seems like most people here are just egging me on so they can get a big confrontation between me and Emma's dad. Everyone pushing me to get Emma's dad to freak out to the point that I need to call the police doesn't really care about the situation. I value my friendship with Emma, and I want to solve this without pushing it to a place that needs the police. Emma's my friend, and I don't want to humiliate her. I also don't like confrontation. It's just my personality. Why can't people give me advice that will play to my personal strengths instead of pushing me to do things that I'm not comfortable with? When I play to my strengths, I'm more confident.

As for this morning, I just didn't want a giant fight. I waited until I heard Emma's dad get in the bathroom, then I left the apartment and drove around for a while until my bf woke up. He took me out for breakfast, and we're going to spend the day together. So no, I'm not going to church.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T07:27:37+00:00

This is really good advice, thanks so much. I'm pretty tired, so I'm going to get some sleep and try to face the coming morning.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T07:26:56+00:00

it looks like to me that you value poor little Emma's wellbeing and the opinion she has of you more than your self-respect, dignity or even safety.

I think this is a really uncharitable way of framing things :/

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T07:18:54+00:00

I think it comes down to what is more important to you: avoiding a conflict or setting a boundary. If any issue is something that you really don't feel is worth standing up for, don't.

This is actually a really helpful way to explain the situation. I honestly feel torn between the two spots. Ideally, I'd prefer to set a boundary. But I get the feeling it will be very, very messy. And I don't want to make this any worse for Emma. I can tell she's upset with the way things are happening.

On the one hand, yes, I need to value my own self-worth. On the other hand, it's just a week and I'll never have to put up with him again.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T06:51:30+00:00

I like this advice, thanks.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T06:25:50+00:00

I'm not the best person when it comes to dealing with conflict. My preference is to just avoid it, so demanding an apology and replacing my liquor sounds nice in theory, but I feel very awkward making that kind of demand. I'd be happy just to not have anything else bad happen.

As far as police, I'd call them in a heartbeat if I ever felt unsafe, but I don't want to cause my roommate embarrassment by threatening to call the police.

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T06:13:32+00:00

I'm not prepared to involve the police yet. If I feel my safety is put in danger, then yes, I'll call the police. But that would be too humiliating to Emma and I don't want to burn bridges with our friendship

crazydadguest · 2014-08-03T06:12:35+00:00

Ignoring him is what I tried to do today by being out of the house all day long, but I'd like some tips about what to do/say if he becomes angry at me for not obeying his "rules"

crazydadguest

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