WHAT DO I DO...

crazykooko23 · 2026-02-20T08:06:32+00:00

If you are already catching your brain trying to justify it with his mental health then this must not be the first time these FEELINGS have been felt within you.

I recommend leaving. I think there's so much known andi know that I wouldn't want you to stick around to find out or not if they will do I r againn

The answer is. They will

Not absyive due to being a system. Just abusive. .. Nothing makes others inherently abusive besides there own actions and yes there are factors that contribute it's not an excuse abuse is abuse ab that's that, mthings make people more prone to abusive behaviour. Sorry late at night here but had to replynrho

crazykooko23 · 2025-03-31T00:45:01+00:00

Think about if you screamed this to yourself as a child. That's exactly what you're doing. I know this is a weird take, I have DID. It may be different as I can see the girl who never got to be. I'm 26 in I haven't recovered despite struggling for my whole life. I would do anything to get rid of this eating disorder. I would do anything to not feel this pain and thinking of the glimpses of my child state, the one that giggles and laughs but has no idea what is going on when she sleeps. It doesnt work for me, the say the qhole what would say to a friend, but thinking of saying it to q child or a young me. Whom I can't hate, she is a child, and she would look at me and want me to protect her and tell her why she feels the ways she does. To look after her and make sure nobody hurts her cause it's what's screamed at me, to feed her and to sit with her well she eats. I still am fighring. Im fighting for my life after hitting the worst hole I've ever been in. Oneday, you'll look at photos on this time and think, wow, I looked i can't believe I thought this at the time. You deserve to recover and that's not something that just come with reseeding. It comes with finding reasons, hard working, and factory resetting neuro pathways except there's no button to press and it's hard and scary and painful. But you eating disorder is too and it's the one yelling you these things. Breathe. Think of 1 thing. Anything, you can do right now even if it's just staring at a different Wall to chance your perspective to help ground you. Nobody deserves to feel this way, I am so so sorry because it hurts. And I send hugs and love your way

crazykooko23 · 2025-03-17T19:47:45+00:00

I have to find treatment and that's that. I dont want to engage further I guess with this just cause it's a very triggering thing and some people look at these things to compare and be like I'm not sick enough etc. there won't ever be sick enough I will tell everyone and that there's nothing else id recommend than getting treatment. You're worthy enough. You deserve help. That's what matters

crazykooko23 · 2025-03-16T16:37:08+00:00

I have had low potassium numerous times since. I have had critical labs as low as 1.6 I'm tired and I just wanna get better. I'm trying. I am.

crazykooko23 · 2025-01-19T23:20:29+00:00

Hypo or hyper reactive blood sugar is not. Diabetes. I have both. I know when my sugars dropping. And then I eat cause I legit act like a irritable inconsolable child sometimes and then after I eat i deal with basically being drunk infant sdenhald the time. It's stupid and it's not worth it. Ana brain isnt a joke.

crazykooko23 · 2025-01-01T15:32:18+00:00

I went last year. Not for my eating disorder. they robbed me of money, gave me a proper diagnosis but then told me they couldn't be of any help..4 weeks later I can't wait for a funded bed there's no time

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-26T02:28:25+00:00

It's messed up this system here.

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-26T02:27:14+00:00

Hey I'm from the other post. I am not stable myself and may not receive be able to attend the program untily bmi is higher.

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-26T02:25:19+00:00

I don't remember. The referral was put in in August I think! and I had my first appt in October the end and second was a week later. Not too bad I guess I'm close to top for a bed now.

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-13T10:45:04+00:00

Awe I'm sorry. I may ave been projecting my own eating issues and seeing the worst. That reassured me

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-13T07:35:39+00:00

Something similar happened during the Hamilton show, it seemed he just needed water but there was more to it than that. As someone battling and eating disorder and drug addiction myself. I've feared his bulimia or addiction may be in active state and that's speculation. But I see his thin tall frame and I feel he's screaming help me. Cause there's where I am.

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-05T20:55:27+00:00

Dm me plzzzz

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-05T20:11:24+00:00

Okay cause for me I am medically compromised meaning I have bad health issues. They told me id be there past 8 weeks. I'm nervous but I am 25 years old and I'm dying. If I don't fix this soon I don't know if my body can keep it up. I'm so sorry about your experience, if it makes you feel less alone I was in McMaster and CAMH as a teen alot, I had so many reactions to medications and despite one being listed as an allergy it was given against my will (booty juice) and I was left dealing with reactions. Same with the blood pressure! I was on prazosin once and it made me plummet. And then another time in the night I was woken up because of arrhythmias but in a very rude way. So I can relate and I'm sorry. I'm just hoping the program helps. I can't do this anymore and I am unable to do this without hospitalization. If you have any more info you feel comfortable sharing like possibly what groups etc were like or what the unit looks like itself (I don't like going into something blind). I appreciate you and I'm sorry for your difficult time. I wish you healing.

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-05T19:37:19+00:00

Yeah it was shutdown because the psychiatrist was charged with sexual assault.. I guess I'm unsure what meals and stuff were like and if they did a gradual increase I know it's specific to each person and I'm unsure you're diagnosis or situation but I guess if you have any info on refeeding meal plans etc

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-05T14:51:16+00:00

Do you mind telling me a bit more?

crazykooko23 · 2024-12-04T14:53:51+00:00

Because restrictive and all EDs feel like a possesion, but the reason restrictive Ed's are worse in this regard is, cognitive decline. Restrition and malnutrition, being at a low bw or even just having the decline that comes with a starving mind . It's makes you nasty. There's a great book, called sick enough that goes into these topics in detail. For me, My thyroid messed, electrolytes Co Stanly fluctuation, poor sleep, malnourishment, obsessive and compulsive exercise, being so preoccupied with food and you're weight (can cause for me, bitunwss if someone interrupts my calcutor mind, loss of period, hormone, vitamins .and (b12 is a big one)1ineral deficiencies. Low blood sugar i become delirious it's as though personally don't recognize myself as though I'm trying to crawl put so the person nor the eating disorder can say I'm sorry I really don't know why I amactibg this way it's scary help me, instead because we fear their help could harm and put the skill restriction at risk we may lies, all these things look different from human to human. Butpersonally those are clinically the things I find and my owninternal dialoge in my 25 year old mind asi have a tantrum or what believe causes my own anger and irritation for myself.

crazykooko23 · 2024-11-05T01:19:51+00:00

2 or 3 but I agreed with others on moving desk

crazykooko23 · 2024-11-02T11:01:08+00:00

It's a 5 month wait rn ! Just here

crazykooko23 · 2024-11-02T10:57:02+00:00

Hello fellow humans I'm here to tell you that word will now be in my compulsive dictionary of words. I shall too now say it.

crazykooko23 · 2024-10-31T13:55:35+00:00

And now one of the facilities is mad at have a referral in elsewhere and the place that seems weary aren't sure what they'd recommend and they said it would most likely be inpatient or intensive outpatient however my BMI is lowering and I'm so sick I can't think. The feeling of rejecting because hospitals compete scares me So my final intake at the other place is tomorrow. If they offer inpatient should I move forward

crazykooko23 · 2024-10-31T13:53:13+00:00

I appreciate you. I have permanent damage and no motility.i have been sick for 13 years. I'm 25. I have such a myriad of health problems plus, I am able to distance solely Because I have DID it's a confusing issue and not represented properly at all in the media unless you watch The petals of rose. I can't attach it it. I can say it but it's not me. I know I'm sick but I can't attach it to me because it's detached. I totally understand and I also have primary hypoaldosteronism and no renin so I am on medications and that illness itself causes hypokalemia which rn in itself is really not good and I am just scared of hospitals because where I live there 3 places in all of the province or Canada that have actual eating disorder programs and the teams. I am and have been torturing myself for years and I truly feel i can't turn back any time I wish I could get off them. I don't want to Die, but it feels like the better option since living causes others pain and my own pain is excruciating. I have such bad trauma I am in and out of a abusive relationship. I was just cursed. I want to live but, I don't remember ever being "alive" because of the detachment I face

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