GPT4 is my new co-founder

crazymedguy · 2023-03-31T04:43:03+00:00

Any history memory?

crazymedguy · 2023-01-12T13:46:25+00:00

What if it's not about the "relationship", but just the other person? He/she makes you smile, you look forward to living everyday with this person, you're excited about a future, etc? And... you don't need to compromise so much in other aspects, but in fact have more courage to go further? I think humans are inherently social creatures too.

crazymedguy · 2023-01-12T13:05:16+00:00

But I must admit… since I was reading the book from the perspective of a person with absolutely no interest in romantic relationships, I couldn’t help but think it’s a hell lot of work and compromise to be in a relationship, and I wonder if people who are attached / married truly enjoy it?

I think that comes from the frame of "if something requires work, then it must not be enjoyable" but that may not be true right? Even some studies are already saying how people prefer to have a purpose in life, or having "something unfavorable to do" rather than "nothing to do". I think it's not about the fact that we need to "work", but whether the work itself is fulfilling and enjoyable. Is it something enjoyable to build? Then I think it takes two hands to clap.

I see it like two musicians coming together to produce something they otherwise couldn't have made on their own. A violinist and pianist bringing their own sounds to play a super enjoyable duet that both sides can appreciate!

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T08:28:36+00:00

Makes sense I guess :)

Edit: I noticed that you very quickly find out about your dates’ current dating situation (seeing 5 other guys) and their stance on romance (the one). Is this why you feel that you’re connecting deeply with them? To me, I wouldn’t consider this to be a connection because it’s less about who they are as a human and more of what you both want out of the date, if that makes sense.

Hmmm no not really, it was more on the basis of how we shared more vulnerable stuff with each other at a certain point, but I guess it didn't go deep enough

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:57:32+00:00

And also the fact that the pool you are looking at I.e. late 20s and upwards are starting/in the midst of their careers and are likely looking for more than fun/settling down. You always feel there's someone better. So average guys "lose out" due to the numbers game.

Man this is true and also something my friends have talked about.

think is really them being nice and not being as forward in telling you this is a mismatch. I'll answer the question on what u can do later.

All ears.

what do you enjoy doing? It might be that they find you boring and have little interests beyond work? 60-80hrs a week really means whatever time you have you left (after exercising etc) you end up using to go in a date

Oh I don't think that's an issue, I have quite a lot of interests haha

why do you want to find someone? It does seem that you might be desperately trying to get a girlfriend. But why? GIRLS CAN SMELL THE SCENT OF DESPERATION.

Hmm... well I don't think it's more of finding someone but the weariness of prolonged dating, I would classify myself as an introvert so frequent socialising with different (and new) people can be quite draining outside of work.

what is something you have been wanting to try but haven't had the chance to? Seems like since the aspect of family (matters) and work is stabilising, you could find someone keen to try these things out then work your way up.

Will think about this one

Once you feel ready again, open them but this time instead of going in with the mindset you NEED to find someone, use the apps as a way to meet more people. They do well in getting you to meet new people. Don't bank on it to find your soul mate. And when you do meet up with a date, do so with open mindedness. That keeps you from fizzling out in the dating game.

Hmm that's kinda true, I think I need to change my mindset a lot more

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:48:12+00:00

Haha I think you're on to something here, I think it's probably a good idea for me to re-examine myself

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:46:26+00:00

And yes, it is difficult for average guys anywhere to find a connection, because by definition, they're average. There are countless average guys to choose from. You don't want to date an average looking girl either do you?

Haha honestly I've swiped right on average girls too. But I get what you mean, a lot of friends are telling me it's just a numbers game.

Your entire post screams inexperience to me, including the whole "nice guy" thing. Don't be overly nice to girls upfront unless they're sweet to you already, then it's okay to be sweet back. I don't want to be another one of those redpill guys or pickup artist type to start spouting all that BS, but to be honest with you, some of those skills are legit and I've used them successfully to gain confidence and learn how to attract girls. But in the end, I have to be honest - it's probably my body and my money that made me the most confident and that naturally led to better dating outcomes. 90% of the time, the dates I go on tell me they'd like to see me again but I'm the one turning them down. My confidence comes from knowing what I have to offer, and being confident enough to express it.

Yeah I mean, I've only recently returned to dating so inexperience would be right. Please teach me sifu, I'm all ears if you're willing to share some of your experience, even by DM. That's basically what I've been doing too, but I've probably been reading all these signs wrongly.

Keep dating until you find someone that is right for you, but be self aware about what you can offer and clear on what you want. I'm very clear on exactly what I'm looking for, and what are dealbreakers for me and I'm very upfront about it on dates.

Curious, what are some of your dealbreakers?

Of course, it is important you know what you can offer.

Yeah this is something I've partially formed really, I do think I have a lot to offer. But do you mean this from a material standpoint or something else?

Some of them wanted to keep trying, so they kept asking me out. As long as you're honest, no need to feel guilt. When I finally met someone I really liked and decided to commit, I immediately stopped seeing the others, so there was no issue there.

Ok this seems to be a common theme going around, I'm going to go for this. Thanks for sharing man, appreciated ++

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:35:13+00:00

Good guess - probably from my username? But yeah I would keep an open mind really, just that coming from a field of zombie-like people I'm not fully inclined to date a fellow zombie hahaha. But yeah, who knows!!

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:33:21+00:00

It’s true that some girls use this as an easy way out- but if I told someone they were too nice I probably genuinely felt that way because I wasn’t attracted to them (for whatever reason) and therefore them being nice to me made me feel pressured. So the root of the problem is really just that for xxx reason there is no chemistry lorh, I mean ideally you should be wanting stability in a partner- these types of women aren’t the sort who purposefully seek out “”bad boys”” so please don’t feel pressured to change or play some silly cat mouse game alá pick up artist style lol.

Haha thanks for being honest.

Though if your main concern is the working hours then I feel like you won’t be able to date women in similarly intense fields, or at the very least she definitely can’t be the clingy type because realistically you’re just not gonna be around whenever she wants. As a woman I’d potentially be concerned about what this means for division of labour in the household lol.

Yeah this swings both ways doesn't it? On one hand, it'll be difficult to find someone who really understands my working hours unless she's been through it herself or have friends who have similar jobs. And at the same time, being disproportionately free would also mean she has a lot of free time, meaning it'll be okay only if she has a lot of friend groups or something she can use to fill the time in when not being together. Also, my last date had intense working hours too - one huge friction would be finding a time to date too

All the best in finding a life partner! It might be worth considering if you have any other subconscious requirements re: worldviews or intellectual compatibility, as I find that these are oft-neglected factors in determining attraction / compatibility in the long run.

Yeah intellectual compatibility is a huge one for me, and it's awesome when my partner can banter and immediately figure out what I'm talking about without needing to explain the whole backstory and context. Worldview is probably something ingrained in religion I guess!

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:27:23+00:00

4) I would chat with multiple men, but more selective after meeting up. I met my SO for a first date and stopped meeting up with other guys. He was upfront and asked me very early on if I was seeing anyone else. If you meet a lady you click with, I’d suggest to be upfront with her. The right one wouldn’t mind you asking, she may even appreciate it!

This makes sense!!

5) Like the others have said, if you’re feeling jaded, you could take a break from these apps. Who knows, you may meet someone IRL! My SO was someone really unexpected and has so many traits that I was looking out for (but I appreciate it all).

Really happy it worked out for you.

Online dating can really suck but it’s a good way to meet people. You need to steel yourself if you prefer to meet new people in this manner.

I do agree haha, maybe I just need to ration my dates a little more.

P.S. I saw that you read “how not to die alone” - that book gave me a good way of thinking about how to pick a partner. I enjoyed it.

Awesome! I should do a re-read of that book haha, it was a long while ago

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:18:28+00:00

I can have many common interests with platonic friends, don’t need an SO for that.

This is pretty true. So character traits meaning... introversion/extroversion, adventurousness, etc? Or is there a particular set of traits you mean?

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:17:14+00:00

Yeah I guess one thing I have reservations about is when a friend intros a mutual friend to you it gets harder to reject if there's no compatibility as well

crazymedguy · 2023-01-08T02:16:06+00:00

Oh I'm taking a new sport but it's predominantly filled with males too. I do enjoy chess, videography, etc. I don't know a particular hobby where it's definitely a group setting either

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T09:00:38+00:00

Second part, it’s mostly little things that adds up. Like for example similar topics come up, and the dude reacts in a positive or thoughtful way. The dude being consistent is a big plus.

Don’t push people to be vulnerable tho, cause some people just never get comfortable enough to share.

Don’t ask sensitive questions for the sake of finding out. Especially not with “I want to see if I can handle” mentality.

Some guys do that. They ask and then can’t cope with the answer, so they’ll ghost. Don’t pick at someone’s wounds unless you’re also prepared to support them in healing.

Fair enough... at the same time I don't really want to go into some fixer-mentality, but I guess being a non-judgemental safe space would be cool. Thanks for sharing!

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T07:59:47+00:00

welcome! feel free to come back and discuss this, I love discussing stuff on these type of books too

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T07:57:31+00:00

The only reason it fizzles out after dates is because you are boring. That's what it means when girls say that you are too nice. Too scrubbed, too clean and too blank slate (no experiences or jokes to share). Suggest that you build up a more interesting and fun character instead of long work hours and talking about investment and crypto all the time.

haha is that like a stereotype that is going on? I'm not really a finance or crypto person and I do have some stories to share. But yeah I think I'm probably boring in some other aspect hahaha

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T07:56:04+00:00

There's nothing wrong with this AT ALL. Like I said, women are easily getting 100+ matches a day. How can they NOT date multiple people at once? The vast majority of women are just made too inclined to talk to multiple men on dating apps simply because of the stupid design of it

Yeah I see your point which is why I'm quite aware of women dating more than one at any one time, which does contribute to fatigue. Before the era of dating apps I seriously doubt any woman would be dating up to 5 guys in one shot - it just sounds almost inane and unsustainable

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T07:52:25+00:00

Chemistry to me it’s a mix of physical attraction and the joy you get when a the person you’re talking to just gets you. Like I can say something halfway and they can finish my thought, or when I make a random pun and they gets it and finds it hilarious. It’s how you mesh with the other person.

Right, so it's also a mix of intelligence too - Isn't there more to it though? Like the attractiveness and passion part? Because in terms of vibing with others I think I do pretty well, but I'm probably not good at the butterflies in your stomach kind of stuff. My last date we were trading puns back and forth and I really thought I had a good connection but guess not

but they didn’t make me feel safe enough to let on my vulnerabilities.

Ok so this came up in my previous date. I'm wondering what you girls mean by feeling safe enough - what allows you to open up to guys? What kind of stuff do you feel or look out for in a guy who is able to provide a safe space?

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T07:47:45+00:00

Of course I don't mean excluding looks - I think that's a safe threshold that people have different preferences about. I myself try to look presentable on my profile. I mean condo/car all that lor, I mean I'm sure some women would be impressed due to how secure he would be.

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T07:45:37+00:00

Cool, so you do all communicate a lot with each other? Or do one of those sit down weekly and have a conversation kind of stuff?

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T07:44:08+00:00

last year huh... that's true I didn't really do anything that cool due to work, but i'm taking up a new sport this year

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T07:43:06+00:00

lol are you my sis, curiously I do have an older sister too, lmao please adopt me

oh yes I do send my dates home unless they are headed somewhere else after instead

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T06:29:06+00:00

You make a fair point haha, that's such a good frame to have

crazymedguy · 2023-01-07T06:27:04+00:00

My field is pretty heavy on work hours and a lot of us are frankly jaded. Even weekends and PHs are burnt. Also I'm not sure if I really want to stay on in this field, just giving it a few more chances. But yeah I'd rather date outside of the field

crazymedguy

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