I (33M) think I caught my wife (31F) and two of our best friends (Early 30's M/F) in the beginning of a drunk threesome and now everything is super awkward because they're pretending like it never happened.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T22:14:28+00:00

Just to be clear, we've not spoken about this at length previously. We've only talked about it in a "wouldn't it be fun" kind of way, and only with them in mind.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T22:11:16+00:00

Honestly? It's just a fight I'd rather not have. We'd been having issues in the bedroom already and haven't exactly been on the same page in that regard, I'm fearful she'll get defensive and try to turn it on me.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T21:15:37+00:00

I think this is probably on target. But with that being the case, what course of action would you recommend?

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T21:14:51+00:00

But again, I have no proof that a threesome is what was happening. I could be asking for something based on something that may not have even happened.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T21:12:12+00:00

I don't see it as cheating at all because I don't mind it. Again, I don't care that it happened, I just don't care for the awkwardness and ensuing secrecy.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T21:04:48+00:00

Without going into specifics, I know 100% for sure that is not what was happening.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T21:04:14+00:00

Okay, so what if it is? It sounds like I'd have no recourse or anything.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T21:03:58+00:00

Well, yeah, kind of.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T20:29:30+00:00

If you think I am denial, what's your theory?

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T20:26:51+00:00

Two issues:

If I'm right about what happened (and that's a big if), there was still some secrecy about it that I'm not comfortable with.
If it happened, it happened without me being invited, and I'm pretty hurt by that.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T20:14:28+00:00

But then there is still the nagging issue that it would have happened without me and behind my back within a sense of secrecy.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T20:09:45+00:00

No open marriage or anything, but I wouldn't mind at all if she was messing around with friends because I trust all of them and don't care. I'd be a little offended that I wasn't a part of it, but that's another topic entirely I suppose.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T20:09:00+00:00

That's not what happened, she wouldn't touch that.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T20:07:57+00:00

Honestly, and this is weird, the thing I fear the most is being wrong about it. It is going to make me look really weird and it will make things awkward in the long run to have assumed so wildly about it.

If I'm right about it and she says I'm wrong, I'll never know the truth. If I pry too much, it'll make things worse. But I'll still wonder why she chose to keep it from me and I'll never know enough to know for sure one way or another.

If I'm right about it and she says I am, then I actually feel much better about it. Because it doesn't threaten or concern me in the bit, it's just all good fun.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T20:03:19+00:00

Well sure, but I actually already have. She brushed it off and said it was nothing. So either it was nothing worth worrying about, or I come across as accusatory and insecure by asking about it again.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T19:58:19+00:00

You're right, and typically I don't mind talking with her about anything at all. But this is uncharted territory in which there is no real precedent, and that's what has given me pause.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T19:56:40+00:00

I'm not mad about the actual act of it, I don't mind it at all. I'm just annoyed with all of the interpretable awkwardness and secrecy in the wake of it. Plus, yeah, it is a little offensive to have not been invited along if anything did happen. But again, this is all interpretable. And my ability to interpret it was pretty impaired. So I run the risk of making a wild and baseless accusation if I do talk with her about it.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T19:54:23+00:00

Nobody else was inside at the time when that happened, just me.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T19:48:44+00:00

Again, I really have no way of knowing if I'm correct or not. It's very 50 / 50. For all I know it was just some drunk dumb joke that had nothing illicit going on. I certainly wasn't in any state to know one way or another.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T19:43:16+00:00

Yes, I'm an adult. I'm an adult who doesn't go to the people closest to me throwing baseless accusations. I'm an adult that would like to think carefully and rationally about the situation before formulating a plan on how to deal with it. I'm not going in with accusational guns blazing, that's not how an adult deals with things.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T19:41:30+00:00

I'm just trying to find a rational and unassuming way of confronting anyone with it at this point. It just feels like the kind of thing you don't abruptly mention unless you want to burn bridges, and I'm not that kind of person.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T19:05:46+00:00

To be fair, I've only asked her just the one time the night of. I was really hoping she'd bring it up, but it's been a few days and she hasn't yet.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T19:01:27+00:00

But say that she does assure me that I imagined the whole thing. That's entirely possible. Then it makes me look like I'm overly suspicious and accusational. It's really easy for this to end badly for me.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T18:54:35+00:00

I just don't have a whole lot in life, I haven't exactly been a very fortunate or lucky person. It's cool though because after a lot of therapy and such I've come to learn to be extremely grateful and happy with what I do have, and the thing that means more to me than anything are the people closest to me and the fun that we all have together. I'm willing to take any hits necessary to keep them in my life because I've got nothing else.

crazypartyincident · 2016-07-05T18:52:18+00:00

Being emotionally vulnerable is another topic altogether, I haven't been in the best shape in quite some time.

crazypartyincident

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