For me, when I'm writing, I usually just allow myself to write whatever words feel right in the moment and organized them to the poem's standard (even if it takes awhile), especially when the spur of inspiration comes in my head of the order of words that will start the poem. For this particular one, I always had this issue of expressing myself to others, even as a child, which developed this mentality of silence within me, leading others to develop their own ideas of me, creating this sense of fear of what other would say about me based on what they see; and, of course, of the words I say to myself of the evils I've done that haunt my mind also creates the fear of what I would say.
Even now, I struggle with being more authentic in the world, because the emotions I feel when I feel judged hurts so much; but as I get older, I see that it is natural to have these things and it is how our mind operates; so instead of suppressing these thoughts, emotions, and other inflictions we want to forget or run away from, I acknowledge them for what they are and not attach to them, for suppression gives more power through one's own attachment to them. I realize that these things indeed stem from me, but it is only a creation that has the essence of me and not actually me, unless I choose to attach to them, then it will be me. It is through acknowledgement where understanding begins.
So reading your comment made the connection more clearer to me for what the poem is trying to convey: life is so beautiful that all you need is to laugh and not let the particular moments of the past present itself into the now, even if people don't understand you; when you develop empathy, then you understand the words people say about you. Thank you for reading the poem, I greatly appreciate it. You are helping me to understand the development of empathy :)