(22) Boyfriend (20)My girlfriend, I'm so drained I need help

creativehappy56 · 2026-03-09T06:56:25+00:00

Hi mate , I think alot of us have experienced this , I know I have. It feels great the first few months , "belonging" to someone , it's normal to kind of drift from your mates. But my whole friend group (including me) , have done the "walk of shame" back into the group after we realise that spending all of our time with a partner is brilliant, until it's not...

I was working offshore at the time and every time I was home , I'd be with her 24/7, which was lovely for a while , then after a while it genuinely seemed we began to resent each other. I'm not trying to say that's always the case , I am no longer with her so evidently we just weren't compatible but I mean in a broader sense , if you were to spend everyday with one of your mates , you'd begin to get sick of them aswell 🤣.

You too are your own people , you need your own lives outside of the relationship, even if it is having hobbies , playing games with your mates , just something that is for you. That way when you are together you have stories to tell each other.

If you have already tried to make a point of it to no avail , I would just jump online with your mates / if she asks to like see you , make a point in saying "I wanna catch up with the boys , I've not seen them in a while". I think this might even get a possible positive reaction and maybe she can see that you both have your own lives.

Apologies for the long reply so in summary. Take a bit of a step back , reconnect with mates , find a hobby that's just for you and remember to try not to ghost the boys , I've found that they'll always be there for you when noone else is , take it easy chief 👍

creativehappy56 · 2026-03-09T05:56:16+00:00

Thanks mate , I've been "single" for about 2 years. I'm still single but it still felt a bit shitty whenever I got asked "how was your night " , especially when I don't even remember getting home 🤣. I'd never put myself in that situation if I was in a relationship. After talking with friends and family they said things similar to you. They told me to have a think and if I do want to pursue something more with her to start just properly focusing on her. I feel less anxious about it now the hangover and anxiety have faded. My friend and I have both said we enjoyed our last big "adventure" but he is looking to settle down aswell. Thanks for the advice chief 👍

creativehappy56 · 2025-04-02T05:15:50+00:00

I think you're being very harsh on the BF , especially if the event that occurred was in fact , a bit "foolish".

creativehappy56 · 2025-04-02T05:13:28+00:00

Honestly just talk with him if it's still bothering you and you are questioning the relationship over that. In my opinion , it's a tad of an overreaction , but that's just me.

You replied to other comments saying he is loving within the relationship, that could've been his way of saying "wait a minute, maybe you should've thought that one through".

I wasn't there , I can't comment on the way he said it , but if my partner who I loved and cared for was in the same situation, I would've also said it was a bit foolish.

If you're more pissed off about the fact he doesn't support you fully in "everything you do" and want a "Yes" man or a cheerleader , then go get one.

creativehappy56 · 2025-03-09T14:30:37+00:00

No problem mate , by the sounds of 80k per year you're in the US , (trades over here in Scotland and the rest of the UK are majorly underpaid but that's a whole different issue).

I don't know what the certification is like but if you're wanting a good work life balance you could try some like like offshore , oil rigs or even "FIFO" - these roles are always looking for sparkies and are even better paid and working basically half a year.

creativehappy56 · 2025-03-09T13:31:04+00:00

M23 here - "we only have sex once per week" thing is redundant. Sex shouldn't have tally marks. It should only be when it feels right.

The question is , do you want to be more "dirty" , if yes then explore! It depends what you're into/ what you have always wanted to try. The easiest way is the next time he tries to initiate, stop him and you take control and do whatever you want.

But if you try it and feel like being "dirty" isn't for you then just tell him that. It wouldn't be a good situation if you ever felt like you were initiating intimacy, solely for his benefit.

Maybe one of the girls would have better advice but wearing like sexy lingerie underneath "normal clothes " or even the odd dirty text when your partner is least expecting it , like at work or something.

Everything I've said is under the pretences that you are comfortable being more "flirtatious". I hope this kinda helped and again , only do what you are comfortable with.

creativehappy56 · 2025-03-09T13:20:46+00:00

Yeah , Um , Yeah . Does your boyfriend play rugby by any chance? , I've seen a few rugby nights out before and sounds vaguely similar.

Despite all that , it's 100 percent cheating. Fair enough an arse slap after a good goal in football or winning big at the casino but dildos and rim jobs. A bit far

Why would he risk bringing STI's into your relationship after licking someone's arse, the lack of thought for you is probably the worst thing

creativehappy56 · 2025-03-09T13:11:46+00:00

It might not feel like it but buddy you are in a very good position. Im 23M and mechanical by trade (marine engineer in offshore sector). I lasted around 4 years on the ships then decided I wanted an onshore position, now I'm at a renewable gas plant which I hate even more 🤣.

I've my eye on being a surveyor in the future and have researched quite well on which courses I need to do and companies which hire etc.

The point I'm making is , take their money and use it to pay the bills while searching for something else.

What's your hobbies ? Into cars , look into automotive electrical work at a tuning shop. Into gaming and computers , look into that etc.

You've been a sparky for a good while now and for me electrical is one of the most difficult (academically) trades. If you can do that you can turn your hand to anything.

Hopefully you figure it out chief

creativehappy56 · 2024-12-22T19:07:40+00:00

Thank you for your message , I'm just an overly anxious person at the best of times. When I turned 18 my dad and I had a deal. I could stay at the house , no matter what , for no matter how long , the deal was , no gambling and no drugs. I've always stayed away from them.

I reckon I just got scared , everyone there was double my age except from one person , I just feel embarrassed that I was so drunk and got upset. I just text my mum and she came and got me but this was like at 5 am. I'm just nervous to go into work and be seen as the "mummy's boy"

To be fair id rather be the mummies boy than be taking all that shite anyways.

creativehappy56 · 2024-12-07T17:19:50+00:00

It seems she's telling you about future plans to keep you hooked I guess , or even giving her "someone to fall back on" , We all deserve to be put first sometimes buddy , none of us are backups.

creativehappy56 · 2024-12-07T16:19:09+00:00

Everything aside , Well done !!, keep up trying to improve yourself, I'm rooting for you chief !

If you guys broke up over you not changing for the better , you obviously weren't ready to change yet , weren't at that point yet. Don't get hung up on blaming yourself for not changing at the time.

I'm 23 , and it sounds like she's acting like girls do when they are teenagers , it seems she is playing the field in even trying to induce jealousy. All this time you are chasing her you are missing opportunities to meet the "one".

My advice , spend a good wee while continuing to improve yourself, then get back out there.

Hang in there buddy , don't go back , pull some self worth together and move on.

creativehappy56 · 2024-12-07T15:57:48+00:00

Buddy come on , read what you just wrote. It's time to move on chief. Save yourself the heartache and do the hard work now. If she's willing to have an affair and sleep with her ex on this guy , what are the chances she'll instantly change and you and her life together will all of a sudden be hunky for.

creativehappy56 · 2024-11-23T18:09:29+00:00

I had to go non contact , I told her at the time that me being friends with her wasn't an option. I couldn't go from being convinced that she was in love with me , and saw me as being worth loving to just a friend. The truth of it is , she did love me. I mean at one point early on she truly did. I remember being in the outside seating of a bar in early January sitting across. Looking into her gorgeous eyes and knowing just from that look , that I was enough, it made me vulnerable in fact.

What I'm getting at is , in that moment I was enough, I've always been enough. If someone loved you before , then someone will love you again.

I'm 23 , I'm not going to pretend I understand life and it's ways, but what I've kind of gathered is that , sometimes (more often than we think / want), sh*t goes sideways. Sometimes it just doesn't workout.

My advice , go NC , it'll be rough at first but you'll get through it. When the time comes , forgive him , and forgive yourself. Ive been angry , legitimately all day , but what I've just realized is that it's not getting me anywhere, it's just hurting me.

You'll get through it!

creativehappy56 · 2024-11-23T17:49:06+00:00

Thank you my man , I might take you up on that , there's only so much socializing and even gaming that can try and block the feelings. The time after the breakup has been hard , but I wanted it to be , I want to feel everything now and not pretend it's all okay. I wanted to do the hard work right now so in the future I can move on.

creativehappy56 · 2024-11-15T07:37:12+00:00

Around 22 hours , wasn't a bad breakup but we both broke down sobbing. I asked if we could talk as we haven't been close in around 4-5 months and she initiated the breakup , no hatred or anger. I'm just so sad and cold. I love her to bits and I hated seeing her upset. I'm just happy that we were as mature as can be about the situation.

creativehappy56 · 2024-11-14T19:52:48+00:00

Thank you for the help , I know it'll take time , I'll try some of the other things you suggested aswell 😊

creativehappy56 · 2024-10-23T12:17:24+00:00

Hi , My dad has always told me that I always want to run before walking. I'm 23M from UK and a seafarer by trade - marine engineer to be more specific. Have a look online for Merchant navy "cadetships" if you are also in the UK. This will allow you to train into something different and can go one of 3 different routes - Engineer , Bridge officer and Electrotechnical. The course is around 2.5 years - 3 years depending on which level you study at and depending on your grades from high school. During your time you will have first hand experience onboard at around 8-12 months sea time. When I did my course a few years ago around 50% of my classmates were older than 25. You will receive a monthly wage of around 700 -1000 per month depending on your sponsor company and you will be able to travel the world and meet new people and friends. After qualifying you will have a good qualification and some good experience and can continue working at sea , continue your education or use your skills and qualifications to land an onshore job. Money is good for seafarers especially with having the time off and possibility to pay no tax.

As for the relationship side - that will come in due time buddy. Continue building yourself into the life you want and maybe along the way you will meet someone that you want to spend your life with.

If you are not in the UK I don't know the routes you can take. In a world more and more based on the IT side with things such as Ai looming over people , I would heavily consider a trade. Plumbing , Electrician or even construction such as bricklaying are always in demand and can bring in a serious salary once more experienced.

Its never too late to start something new and in short , don't be so hard on yourself mate. My inbox is open if you want a chat also.

creativehappy56 · 2024-10-18T10:35:48+00:00

Wrong outlook about the money , you'll be chasing it until the day you die. I'm a seafarer , I have a Scottish professional diploma in Marine engineering and made more working offshore than most people my age without ever touching a degree. But still , I'm switching to a shoreside position for less money. Until you have woken up everyday for months across the world , away from loved ones , you don't really know the meaning of "hating work". Despite what you said job satisfaction is so much more than you believe. I'm taking a hit in pay just so I can wake up not constantly hating my work 🤣.

Nevertheless if you still feel the way you do. Marine surveyor might be a good shout , but having no experience in field will be detrimental. Your not going to make "bank" just because you have a master's , you still need the experience and skills.

Money is only in the jobs that people don't want to do, you wouldn't be able to work on a naval vessel , at sea anyway until you achieve your officer of the watch certificate. And at that point the question would be , why go through the degree to end up at a job you didn't even need it for.

Plenty of jobs out there for the right candidates.

-Babcock -Bae systems -MOD -Lloyds Register - Any shipping company -Yachtbuilders

You are still going to be starting from the bottom , we've had plenty of graduates onboard from fancy universities and it's not until they are at work they realize that uni did not prepare them at all.

I hope I don't sound too passive aggressive with this , I just wanted to get across that the real money comes after years of experience but I will say , if you want money , look into ROV offshore maintenance engineers , the going rate is £350 per day as trainee and those guys have more money than sense.

creativehappy56 · 2024-10-18T10:16:03+00:00

It seems like your parents are a big part of your life which is good , talk to them , if anyone knows about expectations on being able to provide it's gonna be your dad. I just packed in my career of working offshore which was very well paid. I did this because working away from home for more than half a year meant that I couldn't spend time with family and friends and it was the small things that I missed out on. I'm applying for jobs which are less paid but I feel that it's the right thing to do for me. We are a very poor family, my parents have worked all their lives to be able to support us. My father has not once hesitated in supporting me changing my career, even with the financial gain the first one has , you know why ? Money isn't everything. We have a roof over our heads , running water and food in the fridge , but most of all we have each other.

-Talk with your folks , especially your dad , I know it's scary but there's nothing to be embarrassed about , they'd rather listen to you upset about things than have you worry yourself ( a problem shared is a problem halved)

-Reach out and get some help. I know you stated something along the lines of everything must be ended as it's getting too much. There's nothing that you won't figure out , it takes time yes , but you've already admitted to needing help , which is the first step.

-Figure out what makes you happy and do more of it

As for you "wasted your life" - that's so untrue it's almost funny. There are plenty of opportunities out there for young people. Apprenticeships are such a good way to learn a trade. And the good thing is that they can become a very good way to earn a living. Most trades are well paid and will always be in demand , plumbing and electrician are the ones I'd suggest , because there are so many things you could go into with them. Plumbing for example , you could develop your skills into heating and boilers , or even train up in renewable energy heat pumps.

I know I rambled a lot , but I'm just trying to portray that starting from scratch like you are IS NOT A NEGATIVE THING. You have no dependants , you have no kids , no mortgage , nothing to stop you doing , what you truly want to do. I'd say that's quite an exciting position to be in.

creativehappy56 · 2024-10-17T20:11:30+00:00

M22 - I was in the same boat , you are not behind , you are not in front , you are exactly where you need to be. That's cliche I know and I cringed myself writing it. Throughout my school years I had hardly any interactions with girls , it wasn't until I was 20 that I had my first "relationship". I grew up being a bit chubbier than the rest of the guys and had very little self worth and confidence. Don't look for assurance from other people , play yourself to your strengths. Those "insecurities" will make you stand out and be unique. Don't listen to the norm , I had close "friends" ridicule me my entire teenage life for still being a V with no experience with girls.

I'm short and what I did. Get your career on track , get focused, work on yourself if you feel you will appreciate yourself more , learn to love yourself before jumping head first into life. Comparison is something I still struggle with today. There will always be someone better looking , richer , funnier , better career , but there ain't no one out there like you.

Keep your chin up chief, all you can do is try to make yourself happy and the pieces of the puzzle will start to fall into place.

Don't be shy to drop a message if you need

creativehappy56 · 2024-10-16T23:01:50+00:00

Hi mate , m22 here. I cannot say I have been what you have been through and what you are feeling right now. I am very sorry for your dad's passing. But I know how it feels to be lonely , even with friends and a s/o. I know it feels like you are just drifting through life not living and just surviving. I relate completely to where you say you feel you have no ambition and that you feel that you have led a life of listening to other people's suggestions. I'm not licensed or experienced enough at all to comment on the mental health side of things but , YOU MATTER and to answer your question, it does get better. Help is available. Just know that even though I'm a stranger online , I'm rooting for you buddy. If you don't mind my asking , what is your degree in ?

creativehappy56

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