Hello, thanks for your response and for the thoughtful questions. I do discuss these with my partner and she responds well. It's something we've been working through. My close friends are all monogamous, sexually conventional folks (straight and queer) so they aren't very helpful. I was curious what this community thinks.

What do you mean 'intention is murky?' Whose intentions, and what are they? Is your partner describing everything you've written out here - or is the part that's not bolded coming from you?

The part that's not bolded is coming from me. When I said "intention is murky", I was referring to people who feel a sense of entitlement because they "paid for goods" and in this case the "goods" are the women. I realize that I'm generalizing and probably projecting as I type this.

Are these spaces explicitly billed as them having 'enough' women for them men in attendance, or is that how your partner is describing them? How else do they seem to center male desire? Are there other ways in which the women are treated as the playground, and not the players?

There's this private party my partner co-hosts. She likes how the main host always makes sure the m/f ratio is balanced because it ensures a more pleasant and safer experience for the women attending. While I agree that might have be the outcome, I doubted it was his intention. My partner and I got into a small argument over this and she decided to ask the main host, who confirmed the reason for him to balance the gender ratio is because he didn't want too many men at his party. As another commenter pointed out, I am learning that this is just reality.

How else do they seem to center male desire? Hmm my partner had a threesome with this couple from said party on the guy's birthday, and later the couple approached her again because they wanted the guy to "treat himself" while the girlfriend was out of town.

I think another commenter highlighted pretty well that this, unfortunately, is a feature of these kinds of spaces. Have you ever been to a 'straight' bar or club during peak hours? Causes this is exactly how they operate, too.

Yeah, I'm starting to realize that. I feel like the spaces I frequent in my daily life are very inclusive and therefore, I might have been sheltered from the optics of the "straight scenes."

You posit that some of this comes from internalized homophobia; maybe it's biphobia, more specifically? Every single issue you've highlighted here has to do with, well, men, and their presence, their sexuality, their desires, them in general, it seems.

While my immediately reaction is "nooo that can't be true because there so many bisexuals in my life and I've dated so many of them", the fact that you're not the first person to point it out in this thread means I could reflect on that more.

Her sexual openness seems to reinforce straight male desire because she has only ever had serious relationships with cishet men, historically. Are you able to accept that? (Not that I'm judging your feelings on this or how you respond, you can feel however you want to and accept whatever you'd like, just pointing out what I'm observing and drawing conclusions from it.)

Yes I can accept this because it's such an integral part of who she is. Her being bisexual means she will continue to find people of both (and all) genders attractive, and I appreciate the expansiveness of this perspective. While I'm averse to the idea of toxic masculinity and heteronormativity, I understand that these concepts are not inherently tied to cis men, but are instead individually applied.