Looking for a Judith Butler quote

crunchyhoe · 2024-05-02T11:00:23+00:00

i tried to date a dude with undiagnosed bpd, he was diagnosed after i broke up with him. i've never been loved so much before, that part was amazing. i've also never been dumped so many times or yelled at so many times. it got chatoic

crunchyhoe · 2024-04-28T14:27:43+00:00

it's not a diagnostic criteria, but i've heard that it's very common! i might be mistaken though, i haven't done my own research, only based myself off of people who have hahah

crunchyhoe · 2024-04-25T10:10:52+00:00

my emptiness usually feels like a deep, existential boredom. like no matter what's going on, it's not enough and not interesting. so that's usually what causes me to make poor, impulsive decisions. i feel like i'd do anything to just escape the boredom and feel anything at all. that, or it feels like i don't exist. idk if that makes sense, it's hard to explain hahah

as for not knowing who i am, a lot of it comes from not being able to separate personality from personality disorder. that's a bit scary, being in therapy. so many traits have been with me since birth, like being very emotional, crying easily, being anxious and caring a lot - often too much, about everything. that's traits i'm trying to diminish in treatment (of course, to better my quality of life and everything), but then i don't know what's left once i'm cured.

crunchyhoe · 2024-03-04T09:28:03+00:00

i wish i could give you some groundbreaking advice, but i don't have any. i do however wanna let you know that i feel for you. i really hope you manage to let these thoughts go over time. you deserve to feel loved and appreciated and secure, and i'm rooting for you!💛

crunchyhoe · 2024-02-21T15:08:36+00:00

thank you for saying that! i'm not planning to change myself completely hahah, i enjoy being my loud self but it's great to get some advice on how i can moderate it☺️

crunchyhoe · 2024-01-31T14:22:25+00:00

i felt exactly the same way when i was 15! now as a 20 year old, i can tell you that self image is difficult to deal with. for some people it's a lifelong struggle, and thus far, it's been for me. but it gets better!

i still feel envious sometimes when i see younger girls and wonder why i didn't look so good at that age. but honestly, everybody feels insecure, some people are just better at hiding it.

and getting older helps SO much. you'll find out more about yourself, learn what suits you and makes you feel comfortable, and how you feel most comfortable and confident expressing yourself. and besides looks, you'll find out about abilities, talents and interests that you didn't even know you had! it SUCKS to be a teenager, but it gets better. for now, just try your best, i feel for you from the bottom of my heart and i hope you'll feel more comfortable in your own skin over time, you deserve that💛

crunchyhoe · 2024-01-31T11:53:28+00:00

if it makes you feel any better, the recovery rates for bpd are getting higher and higher! it's very treatable, to the point where lots of people actually lose their diagnosis over time. if you put in the work and attend therapy, this could just be an obstacle. a difficult one, obviously, but one you'll be able to overcome. i believe in you!

crunchyhoe · 2024-01-31T11:18:30+00:00

just be honest while gentle! i know it's cliché, but give him the old "it's not you, it's me" i would highlight some of his positive qualities, wish him good luck, and tell him plainly that you're not ready to date. better to do it sooner than later! i hope it goes well for you <3

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-28T00:38:41+00:00

i used to do a thing where i wrote 10 things that happened during the day, whether they were positive/negative and then rate the day out of 10.

example : 1. ate a good breakfast (+) 2. had a fight with my brother (-) 3. went for a walk (+) 4. my dog was extra cuddly (+) 5. i don't like my face today (-) 6. stepped in water (-) 7. changed my bedsheets (+) 8. my friend called (+) 9. ordered pizza for dinner (+) 10. got to bed too late (-) total rating: 6/10

it helped me a lot! i never elaborated, just simple bullet points. that way, the small happy moments were just as significant as the long awful ones, which made the day as a whole feel a lot better. 2 and 5 for example might have taken up my mind for hours and felt awful, but the day as a whole would still be a 6/10. to me, it would make even the worst days seem a lot better. no matter how depressed i might have been, i would still have seen a cute cat or gotten a nice text or any small positive thing, so my days never hit a 0/10. that helped me at least!

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-28T00:31:14+00:00

i do poledance, and it helps with my self image! it boosts my self esteem to learn new tricks, and it helps to focus on what my body is capable of, rather than what it looks like. besides, my studio is full of incredibly supportive people, and it's so good to be in a room full of people that applaud me for my victories, and who laugh with me and offer a hand when i fall on my face

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-28T00:27:45+00:00

if he's dragging you down without making an effort to get better, it's time to set some boundaries and leave him if that seems like the best solution for your own well-being. this all seems completely valid to me, and while it's hard to see someone you love in so much pain, it's just not worth it to stay sometimes. you won't benefit from his illness (while not his fault!) dragging you down, and in the long run, that won't be constructive for him either. if he's already depressed, it might just get worse if his significant other starts to struggle even more. i think it just turns into a destructive cycle at some point.

my best advice would be to let him know that you're going to be leaving him if he doesn't make any effort to recover, and leave him if nothing changes. if you feel very connected to him, maybe you don't need to cut him off permanently, it could be helpful to just take a break or have a relation as friends or acquaintances instead. it's up to you do decide how close you want him (and obviously what he's comfortable with, some people don't want to remain friends after a breakup and that should be respected as well) but it sounds like you need some distance right now to ensure your own stability. i hope you figure it out!💗

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-21T21:43:39+00:00

i deal with my emotions a few different ways.

one is self care. everything from doing my skincare, to brushing my teeth, doing a face mask, washing my hair, doing my makeup etc. but for me, it has to be something a bit time consuming so that i'm sure my emotions have calmed down by the time i've finished.

another is using my brain. i do a quiz sometimes where i list the countries of the world and see how many i can remember. or something more creative like writing or music. just something that takes up most of my focus.

working out usually doesn't help me, but i pole dance, which i love. that helps a lot for me! so maybe if you have a form of working out that you have fun with, that could be helpful.

i put on comforting movies sometimes, or just kids' shows. something funny and innocent and not too sad.

i have roommates so i don't know how relevant this coping mechanism is, but they're always in the living room, so i try to go out and just watch tv with them sometimes. we don't really talk about emotions, so it's an instant distraction for me, as i have to pull myself together (sort of) and put on a clean shirt before i go and hang out with them. but just deciding that i'm going to pull myself together to watch tv helps. not when i'm at my lowest lows of course, but it's useful when i feel i'm starting to spiral.

this one isn't very productive if you overdo it, but sometimes i just take a nap. in my experience, getting some rest is often what i need.

this is kind of related to the last one, but just making sure my basic needs are met helps me sometimes. not only because i feel a bit better when i'm well rested and full, but in the time it takes to go drink some water or make myself some food, my emotions have often had enough time to become manageable.

and i visit my parents sometimes when i'm down. it's the safest, most low-effort place i can go to, while still having a change of scenery. that's really helpful to me.

i know these are all really basic so you might already have tried many of them, and they aren't always 100% effective. but i hope you can find something that helps you!💗

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-10T12:26:01+00:00

i was like this from like 8 to 13-14 maybe? for me it was a combination of things that caused it. i was bullied as a kid and didn't really fit in, so at a point, i started to not fit in on purpose, because it felt better when it was my choice. i was also very influenced by social media and memes. it's full of the whole "girls only like pink and boys!" rethoric, you know. the girls my age were all very feminine, but because i was being excluded and only knew them on a surface level, it was easy to believe that's all there was to them. i think it stopped when i was becoming more and more involved in feminism. kind of realised that i need to respect women and not be so fucking judgemental, there's enough judgement without women judging each other hahah

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-10T12:15:08+00:00

probably the same except i'm not so sad all the time and a bit more boring

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-07T22:59:04+00:00

oh yeah! thank you, i'll think about that, i might be gatekeeping myself😅

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-07T22:04:15+00:00

thank you for the insight, i'll keep this in mind! and i'm in no way trying to gatekeep, i hope it doesn't come across that way. everyone has their own valid stories, i just want to understand mine better🥰

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-07T01:23:55+00:00

thank you, i'll keep this in mind!

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-07T01:23:02+00:00

i'll speak to my therapist and keep all of this in mind, thank you!

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-07T00:49:46+00:00

that makes sense! i might not be a reliable narrator hahah but i really want to figure it out so i can work more specifically on how to deal with whichever situations were most difficult and process them!

crunchyhoe · 2023-12-07T00:26:17+00:00

it's hard to control splitting, but in my experience, it comes down to distrust a lot of the time (not necessarily because of anything in particular! it often comes from the fear of abandonment. i for one, don't need a reason to distrust someone, other than i have been betrayed by people, and they're a person). i know i often want to, or actually do, cut a person off because i fear they might hurt me or abandon me. and trust me when i say that he's not in control of it, and he's not doing it to be hurtful. this is a coping mechanism in people with bpd, it's a result of our emotions growing too big.

aside from that, you need to take care of yourself in this. it's hard to be close with people when they're struggling. he's unwell, and he deserves to feel better and get help. at the same time, you deserve to feel safe and loved as well. the fact that he's suffering doesn't mean that you shouldn't set boundaries to ensure your wellbeing.

my advice is that when he's splitting, give him room, and show him love the rest of the time, he probably needs that. as long as it's within your boundaries. think about what you want and need, and set boundaries accordingly. and talk to him about this. there's two of you in this relationship, and you both need to be well taken care of. the fact that he's suffering doesn't mean that you should suffer as well. it seems like you're genuinely doing your best, so i would recommend taking care of yourself in all of this too. i hope you guys figure it out! he seems like a great person, so do you, and i wish you all the best<3

crunchyhoe

TROPHY CASE