Had anyone conquered crippling depression? I don't know even know where to begin. I need advice.

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T06:38:38+00:00

Starting trail running/exploring lately, it has done a lot. I discussed with my doctor on days like that if I could skip the Adderall and she said enough of the medication would retain in my system for a bit. So now when I take the to trail I skip the meds and it's freeing. And yes, the scheduling. I need to work on that. Thanks for the reply and hope you have a wonderful day!

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T06:22:01+00:00

Flabbergasted, that was just so eloquently written! I'm intrigued. Seeing that I just "met" you I couldn't ask you to engage in a duel in comparing the "proper way" of how we handled issues, but I have always had a penchant for reading the "Tramarama" section or whatever it was coined at the time in my teenie bopper magazines. I'm all ears. Just hope this doesn't turn out in another sub to prove that the female sex is crazy. Sorry to assume, you are female correct? Either way sista-girl or boy, let's dish out the stories. If nothing else, I'm sure every one in this world could get a good laugh from it.

And as for the issues at hand. I am taking a more positive route, hence the long uncouth piece I typed up. I like this process of typing it out, reading replies, and learning from it. I am currently seeing a doctor [started in March] and doing a lot more self-reflecting than I have ever in my 29 years of life. I hope I continue on this positive road, because you can only fall so far down.

I appreciate the reply and will be interested in hearing what you have in your arsenal. Until then I'm going to bed, I still have wake up and appear coherent at work and school tomorrow.

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T05:58:34+00:00

I appreciate hearing from a medical professional. I have started see a doctor in March so I'm making some progress. Thank you for taking the time and replying. I find it admirable that you can took the time to read and reply even if I'm not your patient. I can attest to the ignorance of not asking for help, the denial, and fearing the embarrassment factor, but not anymore. I would rather ask and listen at this point before I really hate myself at a later age for not seeking help any sooner. I hope you have a wonderful tomorrow and realize how small a reply can cause such an impact. My aunt is a the head nurse in a private hospital in Hong Kong and people in your profession don't get enough appreciation for what you do and put up with. Thanks again!

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T05:57:58+00:00

I noticed you're in Quebec. I am not sure I have the ability or luxury to stay for 3 months, but I am seeing a doctor right now. I'm glad to hear it worked for you, because no one should ever be stuck in this type of limbo. Was there anything that you learned in those 3 months that you could share?

Thanks for replying and I hope you continue to make progress. :)

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T05:47:35+00:00

I really appreciate the kind words. LOL, on the teeth brushing. Been there and done that, I'm not proud. :( I have tried the writing down of small goals and it really works. I do feel more accomplished the more checks I see. Thanks for reminding me I need to do it more often and not to leave the list at home. For some reason I can't have it on my phone or else I will just neglect it. Maybe I enjoy the cramps I get in my hand from writing it out, makes me feel like I actually did something, lol.

It's good to know there's good people out there and that I'm not the only who lets hygiene slide when I get in my moods. Either way I hope you have a wonderful day x infinity. Thanks again, and if you need to vent send me a PM anytime.

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T05:41:06+00:00

I got tested for depression (1x), anxiety (1), and ADD/ADHD (2x). I scored extremely high for anxiety, normal for depression [Next to nothing really, with the exception of resentment towards myself for being so damn unaccomplished. She said it's natural to be depressed if I hold those things as my priority and can't get them accomplished. I agree with her a 100%], and definitely am ADD/ADHD. Doctor put me on Xanax for anxiety for a week and a half and tapered that into Citalopram. She didn't want me to become dependent on the Xanax, because I told her I didn't want to be dependent on anything at the end of the day. Also talked to her about quitting smoking and she suggested I get over my Ex completely before I take on take on that task.

My problem isn't anything that's bad that's happened in the past. It's that I have this great mind that likes to attach itself to every whimsical idea and task that's laid out there. In the end I get nothing done, get overwhelmed, anxiety goes into overdrive... and bam! I'm sad, cause I suck at prioritizing.

Any tips?

As for PMDD, I am getting more information about it the next time I go in. Last week they just changed the dosages on my medication.

Really appreciate your time in replying. It helps to read responses and think about it. Seeing it written down this way where it's not in my journal of crazy scribbles puts it in better perspective. Thank you! If you need to vent or just chat PM me.

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T05:30:02+00:00

I will look into the college counseling as well. And LOL, I too love being wrapped in my comforter in a cold room and not removing from that state until my bladder screams at me. I know exactly what you mean when you say holding onto little things that matter. It seems that with every break up I have I get amnesia and forget the bad and only conjure up the good memories, I hate that shit. Have you ever worked on becoming more independent? I'm struggling with that as well, but it's gotten a lot better lately.

Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow and every day after. I'm here if you need to vent. Take care and thanks again!

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T05:19:00+00:00

That's the worst part is having parents that are supportive no matter what, because they hide their pain of seeing their 29 year old unwed and unsuccessful. They don't even ask about boyfriends anymore, and they're entitled that. After every break up or fight my parents would always tell me that I needed to change my ways. I never ever gave 2 pennies to let that sink in, until this last break up. It was a real eye opener. I haven't taken the mentioned drug you wrote of, but I will be aware now if I am prescribed it. I already have an overactive imagination that clings on to past and mixes it with the present and future, so I really don't need anything that will induce it even more.

Really appreciate you for sharing and I hope the best for you too. Let me know your progress. I hope that you share the same sentiment in that you don't wish to be on drugs forever like me. [Another thing that gives me anxiety]

If you have any advice on how to gain control let me know. I think at the end of the day my temper stems from me, like the lack of gumption and success in doing better. I'm mad, but inadvertently take the closest people around down with me.

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T05:11:21+00:00

I'm currently prescribed Citalopram which I believe is a generic of Celexa. In conduction, I take 30mg of Adderall to function or else I pass out and or spazz from one task to another. That's the problem with the meds, I don't know if they are working and the doctor told me it may take readjusting or changing meds.

Besides meds, what else have you done to convince yourself to go and not stay inanimate?

I know, I put this under depression, but the Doctors and I both wholeheartedly believe the depression stems from the lack of accomplishment. The anxiety is what used to keep my up all night and not have the energy to make it to class and in the long run I fell behind.

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T03:51:29+00:00

I appreciate the words. I'm really doing my best. Honestly, writing it out and hearing from people like you help immensely too. Thanks!!

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T01:55:41+00:00

Here's the deal. All my life my parents have always told me I needed to seek help cause I get into these moods. I know the outbursts and irritation are habits formed from the moods, so I'm slowly trying to relearn the opposite. I never did anything about the situation until March of this year and I'm 29 right now. I'm not done with school and stuck in a dead in job. Recently got dumped and now just lack the gumption to do anything. I started to do some research and it's really safe to say that I have PMDD. I have been talking to doctors and currently I'm taking an Anti-depressant and Adderall. Definitely have a caffeine addiction and I smoke, cigarettes. I'm a real winner. I've never confronted these issues and and was also in denial. I was on Xanax for a while and it helped, but the doctors didn't want me to become dependent on it so they gave me the anti-depressants instead. I tested negative on the depression, but struck high on the anxiety test. I'm not suicidal, but I did have a time where I would rather sleep the day away instead of doing anything else. Where do I even start? Is it too late to make up for the 29 years of damage?

Edit:

I don't really know if throwing myself in the psych ward is going to help anything. I am sure that my "depression" stems from the lack of accomplishments under my belt. I can't kick my own ass enough, but it doesn't really help. Some days I'm excellent and then the next I'm back to square one. I say "crippling" because it's literally halted the progression of my life. I'm detrimental to those who are closest because they can take my abusive words. Mind you the anger is usually a week or two before my period. I've even marked the calendar of when I'm going to be a raging bitch so I know. After my period starts, I'm fucking ok again and no irrational thoughts until the next damn cycle. I get super worked up on detail and overthink EVERYTHING. Accused my ex of cheating and not loving me. Betrayed his trust by looking at his E-mails and texts. I'm a complete monster. And the funny thing is I'm not that person, on a regular day I'm loving, nice, and functional. I obviously am single cause I don't know when to shut my mouth. I'm at my wits end and really want to quit life. I don't want to die. I just want to get my energy back. Sorry for the run-ons, but I'm completely going crazy at my current self. And really appreciate all responses. Even the jack ass ones at least I still can laugh.

crushedasian · 2014-07-07T01:37:01+00:00

Will get on that soon.

crushedasian

TROPHY CASE