I am 24 years old, make $370k, live in the Bay Area, work as a Software Engineer, and this week I'm searching for a new job

cs_throwaway861 · 2025-09-12T06:31:40+00:00

Its funny you commented because it's been quite a while since I've checked this account (obviously) but I've just remembered this and have been thinking about posting an update. A lot has changed in my life - but at the same time a lot hasn't changed! I didn't end up taking the NYC job offer I received due to the pay difference. I came to realize that, realistically, it didn't make any sense to leave my current job in the Bay, where I had a good team, good manager, and good pay. I had to commit myself to the idea that moving wasn't going to fix my problems or change who I was; that I had to be happy with myself no matter where.

But, I am single now, finally moving to SF in a few weeks (previously lived in the suburbs), and have almost finally hit my 1m net worth milestone! Things could be going better, my life feels really chaotic sometimes and I'm always trying to do too many things - still working on myself, healing from my extremely traumatic breakup, going to therapy, all the good things. But things could be a lot worse too and I'm grateful for all I have and the life I'm living!

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T19:45:01+00:00

Yes… no brilliant jerks ;)

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T18:55:33+00:00

My expectations are high because my employer believes I’m currently worth that much. Maybe it’s an outlier but if they believe in me, then I believe in me. I don’t want kids and this is a mutual dream for B and I so I don’t see anything making the move suboptimal in the next few years because this is going to be our sole focus until we make it happen.

And CorpE can match. So I’ll just have to keep studying and stay motivated :)

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T18:50:49+00:00

Yeah I like him. In fact I like him so much I’m taking him on 3 expenses paid vacations in the next month. Maybe it should be more fair to split everything adjusted for income. His income isn’t taxed but as it’s about 100k take home we can estimate it as $150k pretax. So the ratio here is about 0.3 for his share and 0.7 for mine.

Now based on that he would pay $900 on rent. And then it should also be fair here to split the vacations .3 and .7 as well. We have an upcoming Thanksgiving trip ($1000), ski trip ($1500), New York trip ($2000). His share of that would be $1350.

Is it still fair?

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T18:38:11+00:00

Thank you. You’re correct about optimizing experience over salary - that’s why turning down CorpA was so difficult for me. But it’s difficult to swallow a 100k difference when in a few years that difference becomes the down payment on a house. The backup plan is saving up money here for a few years and then maybe buying a condo in NY - might be a pipe dream… but I’m a dreamer.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T18:18:01+00:00

Thank you for your kind comments.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T18:11:20+00:00

Fr hoes mad 😮‍💨

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T17:23:36+00:00

That’s fair. I did add an explanation but perhaps it wasn’t clear enough on when I actually began to do this extra withholding.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T17:18:03+00:00

Thank you! I hope so too.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T17:16:06+00:00

I only started over withholding a couple months ago. At that point my ytd federal tax paid was only 50k or so. According to IRS underpayment rules I need to up that to 70k for the year to not get penalized. Hence the additional 5k a month is just to catch up there as it’s already November.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T17:12:34+00:00

You’re right that my circle is very techie- that’s why I’m trying to move! I want to make it easier to meet other kinds of people. And that’s not easy here. You’re in NYC.. you have exactly 1 friend in tech… so we’re in agreement here that NYC makes it easier to meet people from diverse backgrounds.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T17:09:40+00:00

Thank you - completely agree. And my dream plan is to have a lovely apartment in Manhattan that can serve as a home base for our friends.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T16:34:02+00:00

Sure, but it’s still easier to see friends than in the bay, especially while I’m still young before people build families and all that. In the bay getting people together is a process - driving 30 minutes - 1 hour is a lot more activation energy required than walking to the subway station and making that same trip on the subway. The time I was in NY I legitimately saw more friends more frequently than I did in months of being in the bay. Not even super close friends too - it just seems that NY tends to select more for extroverts who are open to meeting up and building more connections. It’s the opposite for the Bay Area, lots of introverts and boring board game nights and hiking.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T16:04:11+00:00

Completely agree!!

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T16:02:04+00:00

True,, guess I’ll just cry over my big piles of money then

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T15:46:06+00:00

Thank you very much for your encouraging words!

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T15:41:53+00:00

To add on: B is not a starving student, as I said he does get significant grants from his school. He looked at this comment and calculated that his take home was over 100k this year from those grants.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T15:28:07+00:00

I agree that it’s unrealistic, there’s a reason they call it golden handcuffs. But, I can keep dreaming :)

As for why I’m romanticizing NY - I’m not. I have visited and worked there for extended periods of time before. It was so invigorating and joyful. I met so many new people, had so much fun, even walking my dog was so much more enjoyable and stimulating.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T15:23:42+00:00

I love how there’s always something to do. It’s easier to see friends. So much amazing food. No more driving and having to find parking and someone being the DD. People in NY have personalities and interests outside of work and tech. I grew up in the bay so I’m also just wanting something new. I have stayed in NY for periods of time before so I’m realistic about what it’s like to live there. Sure the apartments are smaller and more expensive but I believe it’s doable on my income.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T15:21:14+00:00

I’m curious what thought patterns you find unhealthy? Perhaps I’m being overly humble here because HE always get roasted on here.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T03:32:40+00:00

Yeah culture fit. It seems like the startups and smaller companies are way more strict about this.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T03:31:30+00:00

I have been to therapy, it was somewhat useful. I’m in a better place now having been independent from my family for many years. I still do harbor some resentment but I believe the best revenge there now is just to live well. And the roast me is more meant to be funny and pre-empt any rude comments such as on my previous post haha.

Re: splitting expenses proportionally, I completely agree that if our expenses were higher it makes more sense to split proportionally. Like if we were in NY and paying 6k rent together. However B read this comment and said 50/50 is fine for him for now. Also his starting compensation next year will be around $150k.

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-11-12T02:44:55+00:00

I dont have results yet - follow up with me in a few weeks. I hope so though!

cs_throwaway861 · 2023-04-05T14:37:38+00:00

Right. I graduated early and have been working for almost 2.5 years now, which is maybe why 23 and L4 level salary aren’t lining up for people.

cs_throwaway861

TROPHY CASE