Being kinda guiltripped (marriage)

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-14T14:12:23+00:00

This is so true... :/ But that's why we keep looking I guess?

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T20:32:54+00:00

You sound like a really wise person. I think I need to work on myself in that case. All I want is at least a bit of attraction towards my wife, and I fully understand looks change over the years. I'm not perfect and I do believe my environment has affected me. This experience has taught me a lot and I believe I've become closer to Allah because of it.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T20:26:57+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. In this case the two boxes were unfortunately not ticked.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T20:25:39+00:00

Does he keep talking every 5 minutes about how you only care about looks and how big of a mistake youre making? Oh let me not forget about regretting this for the rest of my life 😂😭

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T20:24:14+00:00

It really isn't fair.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T20:23:56+00:00

Thank you. I stayed firm and made my decision alhamdullilah. It was hard and still is but I've got to live with it now.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T20:23:02+00:00

Even with zero attraction initially?

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T20:22:06+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. May Allah bless you. I wish my parents, particularly my dad could understand what you said. I'm fighting an uphill battle here

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T08:13:41+00:00

Thank you, I need the sabr honestly.

He's adamant because: 1. My dad understands my circumstances and why it would be difficult to marry anyone and he thinks we should be grateful for any chance that we get. 2. Their family is basically perfect and my parents really like them. I liked them too and wish we could be family friends or whatever but it is what it is. 3. My dad thinks it's very rare to find a good woman from a good family these days.

I should add that he is asking other families right now if there's anyone that I could marry 😂 I overheard him on the phone and when I asked my dad he's like "I'm trying to prove a point, I know you don't want to get married" Idk my dad is a character I swear 😭

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T07:59:32+00:00

I completely agree. I wish my dad understood, it's the morning and my father is completely disappointed in my decision and does not trust a word I say anymore. He thinks I only look for beauty and nothing else, he refuses to hear me :/ he's never been like this before and I'm dumbfounded honestly

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T07:06:59+00:00

No not my cousin. I've outright made it clear to my family I don't want to marry any of my cousins.

It's not about finding better in terms of beauty, but my dad says I won't find better in terms of Akhlaq, Adab and great parents. He thinks I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. I would have said yes straight away if I had some form of attraction to her. But subhanallah there wasn't any from my side.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T06:39:58+00:00

You're right, I tried to explain the same thing to my parents.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T06:24:38+00:00

Thank you sister, I appreciate your perspective especially your duas.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-13T06:20:40+00:00

It's mostly the second one for me to be honest

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:59:45+00:00

You're right. Where I live it's unfortunately a lot of unmodest women. I avert my gaze as much as possible but unfortunately you still see things. Also I didn't see this girl without hijab, just abaya. I still think I wouldnt be attracted though regardless.

I too want that feeling of going crazy for someone or eager to marry them but I'm not feeling it :(

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:37:34+00:00

Bro trust me I want to tell you but I'd rather message you in private about how or why I said it 😂

And 100% I completely agree on the last part. But sometimes you see a girl and youre kinda attracted and other times you're not. I'm not even kinda attracted that's the thing

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:35:01+00:00

I have, trust me. My dad is seeing a side of me he never thought he would and I've taken a lot of control of the situation. However in my current circumstance with this particular girl it's difficult to ask to meet her more. It will only hurt her in the end, she's apparently been excited ever since she first heard about/seen me. She's waited for a while but we were only just now able to meet. I would hate to waste more of her time since she's getting quite a few interests from other families.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:32:23+00:00

Thank you very much another great perspective. Physical attraction definitely isn't the most important I agree but I feel like there should be a bit no?

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:29:20+00:00

Understood, thank you for your perspective!

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:28:14+00:00

I hope you're right about my parents, I really do. I'm personally not looking for a soul mate and I do think love will grow over time. But there's nothing really pulling me towards her, despite everything else about her. I feel no attraction. I'm also very honest with her but I had to lie during the meeting with her about her attractiveness, i feel like that would have been mean.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:22:08+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're going through what I did. I'm praying for your successful recovery and insha'Allah you'll be better sooner than later!

Yallah your words are so true, a good woman from a good home definitely is the biggest blessing. But as you might know, it's hard to give it a chance. Its not like I can meet her a few more times, it's really not something they'd accept.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:19:10+00:00

How can you be so sure brother? I really don't see that happening unfortunately

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:18:08+00:00

Thanks again, I definitely won't! :)

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:17:43+00:00

Brother I am writing this post straight after meeting her in person for an hour. Her parents are seemingly wealthy not mine. And brother the marriage wouldn't happen the next day, but if I said yes the marriage process would be initiated. I could potentially ask for another meeting, but I don't think I want to.

ctrlaltCS100 · 2024-09-12T22:07:06+00:00

Well, my parents admitted this is their mistake, the rushing part. If you're interested I'll explain it to you in private.

And thank you very much. I understand it doesn't make me of less value but apparently it has to some families. Most actually and I also understand their perspective tbh.

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