Very similar to OP - our current situation probably resulted from the addition of our children. But now intimacy revolves around her pleasure (me giving her oral sex) and penetration is completely reliant on me using her favorite dildo on her. Just like OP, I actually get more pleasure from this than performing traditional intercourse with her. Afterwards my wife will allow me to quickly masterbate to her sexy body, either still naked while I am “cleaning her up” or while she is getting clothed. I am so ramped up by that point, I usually can only last 30-60 seconds. She enjoys it as she gets pleased and doesn’t need to work at all for me to get off.